Would you move? | Imamother

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Forum -> Inquiries & Offers -> Moving/ Relocating

Would you move?

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amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:27 am

How much value do you place on you and your children living next to family vs. having more comfortable living conditions? I have the opportunity to move about an hour and half away from my family (we all live in the same community now) where I will be able to afford a big home with nice land for a much cheaper price (less stress on us re finances) but the cost of living will remain the same at is in the same metro area. BUT we have no family in the area- we do have friends so I am not worried about our social life but sometimes there is nothing that compares to family. What would you do?

sourstix

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:33 am

Only you can decide this. If your gonna be part of a community and people doing the same then you develop closer friendships that is comparable to family. Eventually your kids will grow up and they will have a lost opportunity of financially. And you can go visit family. Many people do this. It's not like you need a plane ticket. And hour half is so doable. Depending on work and other stuff. If you can give your kids a better future it would be tempting to anyone. It's a hard decision.

amother

Yellow

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:34 am

personally I would and I have moved much further but for different reasons, we wanted to move OOT. an hr and a half is really not bad, you can still come in easily for simchas, if need be someone can come to you in case of emergency...
stress is not good for your marriage or your kids. There is a menuchas hanefesh that comes from having space. Friends can become like family.

amother

Jade

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:38 am

I would make the move.

Can cousins be invited to spend Shabbos at each other's homes?

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:41 am

Op here one point I forgot to mention. All the people I am friends with in the new place have family there as well. It's not like I would be moving oot where no one has any family so everyone has to rely on each other. I almost feel like I would be the odd man out.
It's just so tempting because whenever I visit my friends there I leave with an almost sad/jealous feeling but there is no reason for me to be jealous I can have it too!

amother

Periwinkle

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:44 am

I personally would not. Is it possible to rent and try?

amother

Slateblue

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 8:47 am

It depends on your family. I live in a city far from all relatives and family, my side of the family lives a plane ride away. My in laws live about a 2 hour drive away.
But my mother flies in for every siddur/Chumash play so my kids don't feel bad. And my siblings come to me for yom tov or vacation so my kids have relationships with their cousins.
It is hard not to have immediate family to rely on, but I have made my friends and neighbors my adopted family instead.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 10:12 am

I moved about 1 1/2 hour away from my family, and within a few years a few of my siblings joined me (though I didn't know they would at the time). It's not so far. In the early years, when I had a day off from work, I would drive in to visit my family. It's not like you need to get plane tickets. You can go for Shabbos, etc....

cnc

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 12:07 pm

I would move.
An hour and a half is not that big of a deal to me.

HonesttoGod

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 12:37 pm

An hour and a half isn't far at all. I would totally move to have more space. You can't even compare space with squishy lodgings.

You can do weekly sunday trips even after school trips or going for shabbs. Again 1.5 hours is really nothing.

esuss

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 12:57 pm

I would move without thinking twice about it. Kids need space indoors and outdoors. It makes a world of a difference. Family is still close enough that you will be able to see them often. I live near my parents but all my siblings live 2 hours away.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 2:40 pm

Thanks for everyone's replies. I especially appreciate the personal experiences. I am starting to get more comfortable with the idea. But am honestly dreading telling my parents they will NOT be happy.
I would definitely rent and try first no matter what. I was thinking of renting over the summer which is why I need to make a decision now

amother

Emerald

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 2:48 pm

OP ... Only you know your finances and needs.. I will say that Toms River/Jackson beats Brooklyn in every possible way...

amother

Brunette

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 3:25 pm

OP where is the magical place that you visit, leaving nearly jealous to move there???

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 3:37 pm

amother wrote:

OP where is the magical place that you visit, leaving nearly jealous to move there???

LOL no place is perfect but it all depends where you are coming from Smile

Miri7

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 3:54 pm

With the bigger house you could host your parents and siblings for shabbos pretty regularly. They too might like visiting the new town and getting out of the city.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:16 pm

If you have friends living in the new place I'd move.
People that live in cramped spaces can't even comprehend how much you gain from having more space.
I moved, in Brooklyn, from a cramped apartment to a more spacious (by brooklyn standards) private house. The change was amazing!
I'd love to move out of brooklyn but the place where we would want to buy is so new (to the yidden) and I don't know anyone living there. If I'd have even 1 or 2 friends living there I'd move that much quicker.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:40 pm

Op it sounds like your talking about going from Brooklyn to Lakewood. A lot of people are moving out. I did too. I don't have any friends or family here. (Far cousins) that's about it. Not close by at all. Lakewood is really big.

Anyway I knew I wouldn't have family here as I'm not relying on them I wasn't too close with them when I lived there.

I am lonely sometimes. It's a fact of life I have learned to keep myself happy no matter how many friends or acquaintances I ever have. I have my own family and I do have some nice neighbors though I wouldn't call them family. Like others mentioned.

It's definitely a different type of life. If you don't drive then have it set in your mind that it will be harder and more costly. Even just going to any simple place. There is a shuttle but has limited routes and once a day not all days of the week. Many people are moving out. The ones who drive it's totally doable.

What can I say if you can't handle being yourself a lot of the time then don't do it. Lakewood is very different then Brooklyn where you go on 13 th avenue and get everything in one shot. It's a culture shock and it probably will change with the time the more people come here. But in the meantime you need to sacrifice.

I bought a house and I can't just get up and run. I'm part of a kehilla. So things are set up. School wise. I'm hoping it will be more my type of people here as there are houses around being sold.

There are definitely pluses in different areas. Make sure you know some people and if your a social person who can easily make friends then go for it.

I don't make friends easily. For me it's a big change.

amother

Floralwhite

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:41 pm

I moved away from my family in Brooklyn to a more spacious house and you can't begin to compare the quality of life. You'll see how you can just breathe so much better, how conducive more living space is to everyone in your family.... Quality of life increases so much when you move out of a small, cramped space...

amother

Gold

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 6:12 pm

Only if you have a driver's license. Those who don't drive have been miserable with this switch.

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