When u share a cleaning lady with family...

amother

Pink

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 10:52 am

Share ur experiences... as I don't know where to start

Cleaning lady just told me that she heard sis in law tell my bro that she's a "meshigene". What do I tell her?
I already told her to be nice to her as she keeps on telling me that she's quitting her job by her.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 11:27 am

You are different clients. Your cleaner should not discuss with you what goes on in other houses. Doesn't matter if it's your relative or not.

33055

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 11:34 am

amother wrote:

You are different clients. Your cleaner should not discuss with you what goes on in other houses. Doesn't matter if it's your relative or not.

Do you think cleaning ladies have a code of ethics?

They talk about what goes on in houses especially if you speak their language. It is up to OP to decide if she wants to listen. To believe that you have any privacy is ridiculous.

tigerwife

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 11:48 am

Squishy wrote:

I actually know of a carer that made a Shidduch between a boy and girl from the two families he worked at.

OP, you can casually tell your SIL that your cleaner sometimes repeats things that happen in her home (but use a very pareve example).

enter

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 12:31 pm

Squishy wrote:

Uhh Yeah, cleaning ladies certainly have a code of ethics, just like every single other human being or not. It's up to each person on earth to decide what his or her own code of ethics are and to follow them or not. How's this for some basic ethics common worldwide: honesty, responsibility, reliability.

Do you gossip from one friend or family member to another? Never repeated anything someone said to someone else? Well, perhaps yes, perhaps not, and what do you know, it's the same for cleaning ladies talking about what goes on in peoples houses. Some may, some may not.

essie14

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 12:49 pm

Most cleaning ladies are huge gossips. When I was single I shared a cleaning lady with a few other single friends. She would yenta about all of us to each other. It was a good thing we were friends. My cleaning lady now doesn't understand that she's disrespecting my privacy, even if she tells someone else that I do a great job raising my kids or other positive comments.

amother

Wheat

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 1:03 pm

OP, when I first got married, I worked as a cleaner for a number of family members. My experience was not a pleasant one for me. They would tell me what the other one said about me in terms of my availability. They would take into consideration the others needs or ask their family members to change days and then come to me and inform me that today I should go to this particular family member. I hated to tell any of them anything, even if it would have made it easier for me, because the whole family would know about it! I hated them changing around my schedule because I had other calculations regarding timing when I would be in that particular neighbourhood. I picked up a lot regarding what sort of family they were, sometimes, they'd throw a degrading comment about their family member who I worked for. There was lots of differences between how each family member would keep house, and about what they said about one another, that could have made for great gossip. I dealt with the situation by keeping very low key - talking as little as possible, telling them as little about myself and in particular, as little about the reasons of my availability as possible, because I'm a very private person and I had no interest to be on the table. One of them knew my parents and one time shared something about my parents to the others. It was totally harmless but for me it was very painful, for my own personal reasons, and it was disturbing for me that they knew this piece of information. Eventually, the situation got bad enough for me, also because of how they compared, "oh, you went to my family members but you cancelled on me", and, I came to detest, almost, being a part of this family. I have my own family issues, and at that point in my life, seeing someone else's up so close, triggered me. It took me a while to quit from the one I disliked to go to most because I was afraid I'd lose all my jobs/of the talk, etc. But, it was the best thing I did!!

I'll tell you one of the main things I learnt and this is what you need to see: BOUNDARIES and SEPARATION. Your cleaner is working for DIFFERENT people, regardless of the fact that you "happen" to be family. It is absolutely none of your business that she wants to quit your sister, it's not in your right to tell your sister "to be extra nice because she wants to quit". Just as well, it's not in her right to tell you things about what goes on in your sisters home! I suggest that firstly, you come to see the separation, and than, very matter-of-fact each time your cleaner brings up your sister repeat something to the effect of "I don't want to know what goes on in the homes of other people that you work for." It's very possible that she is bringing this to you, because, whether you are conscious of your motives or not, you may be wanting to know the gossip and she's feeding into this. I'm not saying this for sure, but it's very likely, especially how you're breaking the boundaries telling your sister she wants to leave her... It's human nature, it's not a bad thing, just be aware of what is actually going on here because once you are aware, you can make changes.

You asked for experience, this is my experience, from the other side.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 1:08 pm

I share a cleaning lady with my mother and she sometimes talks about what goes on in other houses. I'm always nervous she'll mention the contents of the trash can in my bathroom (menstrual products, ovulation strips, pregnancy tests, etc.). I've considered taking that trash out right before she comes but somehow it never ends up happening.

amother

Papaya

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 1:16 pm

I once shared a cleaning lady with family. Never again. I heard stuff about the relatives that I'm sure they would not have wanted me to hear. And they heard stuff about me, mostly about how terribly messy dh and I are and even some stuff that wasn't even true (for instance she told them I didn't put coats on my kids in the winter. Because I take their coats off when strapping them into their car seats because it's unsafe to wear a coat in the car seat). That was the end of that, I don't need someone dishing dirt about me to my family. So I fired her and got someone new. She also works for people I know but not well enough that I care if they know we're slobs.

Raisin

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 1:40 pm

One way to solve this is to hire a cleaning lady with poor english skills.

I would say firmly, __________, it's not nice to tell me about things going on in other people's houses.

amother

cornflower

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 2:29 pm

amother wrote:

This! This was my pet peeve!

cuties' mom

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 3:37 pm

My first reaction was that I'm obviously not your SIL as dh is never home with the cleaning lady, and I'm only home with her for a few minutes a week, before I leave for work. Besides, I never called her meshuga.
My cleaning lady tells me about SIL, BIL, and MIL all the time. She's always the one to tell me when SIL is pregnant, and she always comments that SIL has so many kids. She told me when BIL was in Miami. Once she told me that she doesn't know why mil's house was messier than mine one week when MIL has no kids at home and I do. After talking to mil, I found out sil was there for Shabbos with her kids.
I'm only home with the cleaning lady for a few minutes, but SIL and MIL are home most of the time she is in their house, so I would assume she tells them a lot more than she tells me. During x-mas week and a few weeks in the summer, yds has no school, so I'm home with him, and BIL always reports to me what my cleaning lady said about ds's behavior. If I would insult my cleaning lady, I'm sure SIL would hear about it. Cleaning ladies are people just like us, and it's normal for them to talk to people who are with them. I would never manage to stay silent at work for a whole day, so why would your cleaning lady keep quiet?

33055

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:28 pm

enter wrote:

I agree that they shouldn't gossip, but they do. Even in your code of basic ethics you are not mentioning privacy. You are saying some talk and some don't. Assume they talk and act accordingly.

In my experience most do. And they talk about personal things if they get a chance. I could care less what goes on in anyone else's home, but I have been offered tidbits which makes me believe my privacy isn't secure.