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Frum-but public school???
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amother
Cerulean


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:04 pm
Anyone here who sends to public school in Brooklyn? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences even if you don't send to public school.

I'm slowing thinking about it. I"m so-so frum, have lost much of my yiddishkeit, but outwardly still keeping. Yes, this is a problem and of course affecting how I feel about everything else, such as yeshivas.

I feel that my kids are getting a horrible education (secular that is). Yes, I know this has been the hot topic..........

I can't afford even our drastically reduced tuition. I'd be able to save a nice amount finally if I wouldn't be giving the yeshivas my income.

My kids would be happy either way. I"ve spoken to them about it and while of course we wont know how it is,or how it will work out until we get there, I'm hoping it would be better.

My son gets bullied in his yeshiva. He loves learning about history, science, math etc. He eats up books......... He would get much more of that in public. He says he wants to go to college later on, he'd be better prepared if he came from public school.

A huge part of why I'm not doing it (or not yet) is because of the opinion of others, and I don't know if my kids would loose their current friends over it..........
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:38 pm
I have a child in PS because of special needs, and I went to PS. I am not in Brooklyn however. People are sending to PS more because of money.

A lot depends on the public school. You'll hear nightmare stories. You need to go visit schools and see if you like what you see (do not be so quick to go by word of mouth!) The first year mine was in preschool, the program was housed in a school I really did not like when I visited, and which had bad results academically. The class was self contained and not run directly by the school, just housed there, so it was not an issue (and 3-4 year olds are really very different from older children in any case). I like his current school and everyone is very nice. The kids talk about secular TV of course, but even in PS there are parents who are stricter and as long as media isn't totally forbidden I think it would be all right. We are modern and have a TV but there are plenty of shows my kids are not allowed to watch. Food is not such a big issue these days thanks to allergy awareness--they now encourage sending non food items for birthdays, too.

I have heard there are some (not a lot) religious children in the HLA charter school, and certainly secular Jews. But NYC has many, many options, some better than others.

I live out of town, so people get along more in general because they have to. So while it's been okay for us (DC is accepted in shul, has friends, etc) I don't know if that would be true in Brooklyn.

With a bullied child I would be quicker to pull if I could find a good alternative, I think. Bullying can do so much damage religiously as well as emotionally--the child can come to resent religion as a result of their experiences.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:38 pm
amother wrote:
Anyone here who sends to public school in Brooklyn? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences even if you don't send to public school.

I'm slowing thinking about it. I"m so-so frum, have lost much of my yiddishkeit, but outwardly still keeping. Yes, this is a problem and of course affecting how I feel about everything else, such as yeshivas.

I feel that my kids are getting a horrible education (secular that is). Yes, I know this has been the hot topic..........

I can't afford even our drastically reduced tuition. I'd be able to save a nice amount finally if I wouldn't be giving the yeshivas my income.

My kids would be happy either way. I"ve spoken to them about it and while of course we wont know how it is,or how it will work out until we get there, I'm hoping it would be better.

My son gets bullied in his yeshiva. He loves learning about history, science, math etc. He eats up books......... He would get much more of that in public. He says he wants to go to college later on, he'd be better prepared if he came from public school.

A huge part of why I'm not doing it (or not yet) is because of the opinion of others, and I don't know if my kids would loose their current friends over it..........


I am sorry but its a terrible idea. You have yiddishe
Neshamos and they belong in a yeshiva. Period. I dont care if you arent so
Frum anymore. Despite the expense. I cant believe you can even consider such a thing. Why would your child grow up frum if hes in public school? The bullying needs to be taken care of asap but thats no reason to
Consider public school!!
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:49 pm
amother wrote:
I am sorry but its a terrible idea. You have yiddishe
Neshamos and they belong in a yeshiva. Period. I dont care if you arent so
Frum anymore. Despite the expense. I cant believe you can even consider such a thing. Why would your child grow up frum if hes in public school? The bullying needs to be taken care of asap but thats no reason to
Consider public school!!

There are plenty of children who go to yeshiva day school who don't end up frum and plenty who go to public school who remain/become frum. There are no guarantees either way. I think it's really about ensuring that your children has a positive feeling about Judaism (a feeling that they belong) and about ensuring your child has a proper Jewish education. Sometimes a yeshiva can provide that for a child and sometimes it's just not a good fit and a child may actually have a better Jewish experience being in public school and attending Jewish classes and summer camp, etc
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amother
Amber


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:56 pm
amother wrote:
I am sorry but its a terrible idea. You have yiddishe
Neshamos and they belong in a yeshiva. Period. I dont care if you arent so
Frum anymore. Despite the expense. I cant believe you can even consider such a thing. Why would your child grow up frum if hes in public school? The bullying needs to be taken care of asap but thats no reason to
Consider public school!!


I know some people who would have gone otd in frum yeshivos, and thrived in public school while remaining frum.

If a child is being bullied, their spiritual and emotional wellbeing is at stake. It's really not half as black and white as you make it sound.

OP, I would say do what's best for your children and your family... which may very well mean public school.
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shoshiesavannah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:56 pm
Public school could be a great option for your kids and family. It doesn't make you less frum to send to public school when you have valid reasons. No experience in NY, just wanted to add a supportive comment. You're a good mother for considering what it best despite how others might view it.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 4:58 pm
My children go to public school but not in Brooklyn. I'm actually a bit like you. I'm on the very left wing spectrum of MO, maybe even pushing "Conservadox." My ex-husband is completely OTD for the most part but still observes shabbos and keeps a kosher home for our children. I wasn't satisfied with any of the schools we came across in terms of secular education as well. My ex and I moved to an area that was zoned for good public schools and our children have been doing really well. They attend sunday school and get tutoring 2x a week. May not be enough to some who want full immersion for their kids but this is plenty for mine. They aren't overwhelmed but still interested and stimulated enough between work from school and work from their Judaic studies.

The money we save is pretty good and allows us to put a good chunk away and still have some fun money.

Most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open with your children if you do send them to public schools. It's definitely a different environment from Jewish schools and the kids are brought up differently. S*x is openly talked about. Other Subjects you may not find appropriate are talked about. Just remind your kids who they are and their morals and values, they will b"H be okay.
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amother
Orange


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:00 pm
amother wrote:
I am sorry but its a terrible idea. You have yiddishe
Neshamos and they belong in a yeshiva. Period. I dont care if you arent so
Frum anymore. Despite the expense. I cant believe you can even consider such a thing. Why would your child grow up frum if hes in public school? The bullying needs to be taken care of asap but thats no reason to
Consider public school!!


You are the exact reason people consider public school.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:01 pm
I am so sorry for you that you are in this predicament.

While it may seem like public school is the answer to some of your current problems, I believe that you will might be exchanging them for some way bigger problems.

The fact that your child is being bullied must be addressed quickly. Please speak to the school principal and/or guidance counselor nicely but firmly. I would also recommend taking your child to a mental health professional (there are low cost/no cost options at Jewish Family Services, Tikvah etc)

If you need help with tuition, please speak to Jewish Federation, your shul Rabbi.

Accepting community help such as Tomchei Shabbos is far, far better then sending your children to public school. I understand that you are struggling with your yiddishkeit; if you send your kids to public school you can be certain that they will have even more struggles with their yiddishkeit and so many other topics.

Within the frum school system, you can certainly do your research to see which ones have better secular education.

Perhaps you work on improving your frum support system/connectivity by joining a local gym or art class or something like that.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:02 pm
amother wrote:
I am sorry but its a terrible idea. You have yiddishe
Neshamos and they belong in a yeshiva. Period. I dont care if you arent so
Frum anymore. Despite the expense. I cant believe you can even consider such a thing. Why would your child grow up frum if hes in public school? The bullying needs to be taken care of asap but thats no reason to
Consider public school!!

Oh please. I attended PS as did the seven children I raised. None of us are eating cheeseburgers on shabbos while watching [filth]. Sending to PS does not mean eschewing religious education.

There are many reasons parents send to PS, financial, logistical and quality of secular education just to name a few.
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amother
Plum


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:05 pm
Aside from the ethics of taking Tomchei Shabbos, it's not going to save thousands a year. Let's be realistic about what yeshiva costs, and that we're in a situation where schools can't always make up the difference between tuition and what a family can pay. It's not all Pesach vacations and takeout.
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iriska_meller




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:30 pm
Just a thought - muslim folks don't have a problem sending their hijab wearing, halal eating girls to public school in Brooklyn... Schools in NYC are insanely accommodating to religious issues. Supplement judaic studies at home for a fraction of the cost! Pack them lunches - believe me there are tons of kids with food restrictions and allergies that are not eating school lunches. Make sure your kids are involved in the shul. It will be fine!
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:34 pm
iriska_meller wrote:
Just a thought - muslim folks don't have a problem sending their hijab wearing, halal eating girls to public school in Brooklyn... Schools in NYC are insanely accommodating to religious issues. Supplement judaic studies at home for a fraction of the cost! Pack them lunches - believe me there are tons of kids with food restrictions and allergies that are not eating school lunches. Make sure your kids are involved in the shul. It will be fine!

Not just in NYC, schools across the country are accommodating to frum Jews, Muslims,Sikhs etc.


Last edited by MagentaYenta on Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:43 pm
iriska_meller wrote:
Just a thought - muslim folks don't have a problem sending their hijab wearing, halal eating girls to public school in Brooklyn... Schools in NYC are insanely accommodating to religious issues. Supplement judaic studies at home for a fraction of the cost! Pack them lunches - believe me there are tons of kids with food restrictions and allergies that are not eating school lunches. Make sure your kids are involved in the shul. It will be fine!

Not entirely true about Muslim families. I taught public school for a few years. I had quite a few Muslim students who took off the hijab as soon as they got to school and put it back on before going home. Many had secret boyfriends they had to hide from their parents. And I had a few students who did get pulled out and sent for religious schooling because they felt the public school environment wasn't a good influence.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:47 pm
iriska_meller wrote:
Just a thought - muslim folks don't have a problem sending their hijab wearing, halal eating girls to public school in Brooklyn... Schools in NYC are insanely accommodating to religious issues. Supplement judaic studies at home for a fraction of the cost! Pack them lunches - believe me there are tons of kids with food restrictions and allergies that are not eating school lunches. Make sure your kids are involved in the shul. It will be fine!


Exactly. Brooklyn Tech is like 30% Muslim. Some girls are wearing abayas. Their families aren't all like, hey, we gotta go broke paying for private school.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:52 pm
amother wrote:
I am sorry but its a terrible idea. You have yiddishe
Neshamos and they belong in a yeshiva. Period. I dont care if you arent so
Frum anymore. Despite the expense. I cant believe you can even consider such a thing. Why would your child grow up frum if hes in public school? The bullying needs to be taken care of asap but thats no reason to
Consider public school!!

My son was bullied in every Yeshiva he went to, and he was in several. Public schools don't allow that to go on. He is so much happier now.
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MagentaYenta




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:52 pm
amother wrote:
Not entirely true about Muslim families. I taught public school for a few years. I had quite a few Muslim students who took off the hijab as soon as they got to school and put it back on before going home. Many had secret boyfriends they had to hide from their parents. And I had a few students who did get pulled out and sent for religious schooling because they felt the public school environment wasn't a good influence.

Teens all have secret lives and many choose to push at the sides of the boxes their parents consign them to, whether the are Xtians, Jews, or Muslims. It is all part of them growing up.


Last edited by MagentaYenta on Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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sourstix




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:53 pm
I don't know op but you never ever know why she is thinking of this. This might be a case of a lot of pain no one should have to make such choices. Op I feel for you. May Hashem send you strength to do the right thing. No one can judge. If I may say so, it's a situation that needs help not be yelled at. Op knows her kids are yiddishkeit neshomos and wants to raise them in a frum environment but it's not working. At a certain point I thought it would happen to me. But it didn't. Who am I to say anything to op. She's in a lot of pain.

Anyone who haven't gone through ops shoes should not dare comment you have no right!
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iriska_meller




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 5:55 pm
amother wrote:
Not entirely true about Muslim families. I taught public school for a few years. I had quite a few Muslim students who took off the hijab as soon as they got to school and put it back on before going home. Many had secret boyfriends they had to hide from their parents. And I had a few students who did get pulled out and sent for religious schooling because they felt the public school environment wasn't a good influence.


From all the threads here, it seems that bays yaakov is no protection against girls choosing to dress differently or having boyfriends...
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amother
Firebrick


 

Post Thu, Mar 09 2017, 6:02 pm
I think public school could work but not in Brooklyn. The schools in my district and the surrounding districts here are terrible and the population is made up of children who are problematic.
To do this properly, you should research the best public school districts in the US and move accordingly.
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