Purim-A Day Without Women

amother

Blush

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 9:37 pm

amother wrote:

Will men survive if Purim was a Day Without Women's day?

We celebrate Purim thanks to Esther, a very brave woman who married King Achashverus and helped save the Jews from the evil Haman. So shouldn't women have the day off on Purim to celebrate the way the men usually do and allow the men to do all the work the women do instead? That would be a real venahapocha!!

Simchas Purim!!

I guess it depends on how things work in your home. In mine, DH does most of the work for mishloach manos since he does the baking and the writing. We usually go to family for the seuda and he bakes as our contribution for that too. Some years we're able to go to the same megilla reading and some years that doesn't work if we have an infant, so DH always goes to the first reading at night and then takes care of things at home while I go off to a late reading. Then he gets up to go to the early minyan so I can catch some extra sleep and go to a later megilla reading myself. He tends to do the local m"m dropoffs with the older kids while I answer the door at home, then we all pile into the car and make our less local dropoffs on the way to our seuda. DH never gets drunk on Purim but I am the designated driver once we get to our seuda so that he can have a drink or two. But he's always sober enough to help me with the kids. I've never felt Purim to be a burden. It's a hectic but fun day.

amother

Forestgreen

Thu, Mar 09 2017, 11:28 pm

It's all cultural. I don't work any harder than dh on purim. We hardly send any mishlochai manot, so that's not a big deal. If we are sending to family I invest time and effort to make it special, but otherwise it's pretty standard, and that's all we receive (no sweetsy poems in my circles). The kids each organize nice mishlochai manot for their friends - we just need to buy the goodies.
We both prepare the purim seuda, so that's not an issue either. Dh usually doesn't drink much but even when he does I don't care, our kids are big already and don't need us to take care of them. If he's out of commission and I'm tired, the dishes will wait for him Smile

amother

Seagreen

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 3:16 am

Op you should come to my women's tefillah group. We daven maariv, lein Megillah, have a great break-fast buffet, and then have our party. Most women come in costume and whoever wants to gives a Purimspiel of some sort, whether it's a PurimTorah drasha, a joke, or a funny song, there's some serious comic talent there. We all have a blast and it's all of, by and for women.

I would never stand for a holiday or anything else in which my menfolks go off and carouse and dd and I stay home scrubbing floors. That had nothing to do with Halacha and everything to do with the way you see yourself. If you live in an area where women play Cinderella while dh goes to the ball, you have two options: either move to a more egalitarian neighborhood, or make your own festivities and insist that dh shoulder his part of the workload.

Hope you manage to have a freilachn Purim!

Ruchel

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 3:44 am

A day without women? Not by me. I love Purim, probably my fav holiday. I don't have to do tips and poems and drive around or wreck myself in any way. If I want I do a mishte, if I don't I attend one. I do the number of MM I want no one keeps tracks, it's not a competition. I happen to enjoy theme costumes etc so we do it and get admired LOL

with a bit of luck a non jew asks and we get to do kiddush Hashem and show how cool our religion is. If not then not. We walk around in costumes, do pics, have FUN. Mishte with friends or one of the many catered events. Zehu. Okay, so the megilla with kids can be a tiring, but that's fun too. Oh and our men don't get crazy drunk or at all.

amother

Beige

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 5:11 am

Ruchel wrote:

America just had a Day Without Women. That meant that women did not show up to work. They had protests and some stores were even giving out flowers and roses to women. Some schools and companies closed altogether which meant that families were left scrambling for childcare if parents did have to work and businesses lost money. They did this to show how valuable women are to the workforce and to life altogether.

"A Purim Without Women" would mean that the women would not prepare any of the meals or mishloach manos, would not take care of the kids and their costumes, would not do anything they usually do for Purim so the men would be forced to take care of all of it. The men would have to prepare and deliver all the Mishloach Manos, prepare and serve the meals, get the kids into their costumes and take care of all their other needs, and still make sure to be in Shul for Megillah or read at home. If they work, they would need to find appropriate childcare or stay home from work to take care of the kids themselves. They would not be able to get drunk because they would need to take care of the kids and everything else. They would not be able to go out dancing and singing/collecting money on party limos or buses with their friends unless they take the kids along or find someone to take care of their kids (and remember, no woman will do it for them), etc.

The women would be able to do whatever they want I.e. go to parties, go out on party limos or buses, get dressed up, get to megillah reading, etc without having a care in the world as the men do all the work, prepare the meals and mishloach manos, take care of the kids, etc.
So you would still be able to enjoy Purim with your family and take pictures but you would not have to prepare for it or do anything because your husband will do all the work and take care of the kids. Do you think that men would survive a Purim like that?

mommy3b2c

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 5:28 am

amother wrote:

I don't feel a need to prove how valuable I am. I know I'm awesome. I happen to enjoy Purim much more then my husband does. This year we are making a big party and my husband did just as much work as I did. If not more.

PinkFridge

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 5:56 am

You women should join me on Purim. We have a great day. Over the years we've visited some elderly friends and cholim, taken shifts delivering MM, enjoyed a wonderful seuda (helps that I love to cook and bake) and DH doesn't drink much but it's not till the end of the day so
a) he can be helpful before
b) he can do the mitzvos hayom with a clear head
c) he can spend the downtime during the day learning.

So even though I'm yeshivish, the whole family has a lovely day. Move to my neighborhood!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. And if I do some more of the heavy work, the cooking, the MM delivery especially when Purim doesn't fall on Sunday or DH didn't have enough vacation days to take off on Purim, I never felt oppressed. And DH spends his next few Sundays doing some serious Pesach cleaning. We're partners in the day.

Please don't think I don't feel the pain of the OP. An egalitarian Purim and kehilla isn't the solution to everyone, just as my out of town yeshivish and other middle-aged chevrah isn't the solution for everyone.

And another, discrete, point: Purim is not some form of Mardi Gras. Yes, there may be all sorts of parties Purim night but I don't get serious drinking right after megillah reading. You have to start alert the next day for the mitzvos hayom.

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 6:43 am

We have a busy purim day with tons of mishloach manos - until almost the very very end of the day DH and are in it together.
He did almost all the shopping in advance, bought the bags, food, wine, ingredients for my food for the seuda. He made the lists. Ran out 100 times to get the stuff I forgot. Put together the big shaloch manos together last night with my boys. My girls did the small ones themselves. All the kids did the kids ones together. Dh will drive around most of the day with the kids and traffic while I stay home. Or we will all go together. We are yeshivish - if that matters.

At the end of the seuda I know he will get drunk. I'm going to drive the kids home myself and put away what is left and he'll show up 2 hours later.
But who cares. I'm glad he gets to enjoy a little. He works really hard to support his family (we both do). He worked really hard to get ready for yom tov. I don't think its so bad that for 2 hours he enjoys himself.

(I think the day without women is stupid. It says how little we need it if women are going to walk off jobs and disrupt bussinessess and schools. It means they have jobs and are a big part of society. Now if a day without women was we won't cook or clean and see our homes fall apart that would show how much further we need to go)

gold21

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 6:49 am

amother wrote:

We all have our roles in life. Get over it. Personally my husband will be working while I go around with the kids. Then he will be home to run the seudah and make a ton tov atmosphere in our home. I am happy to do my part and glad not to have to do his.

Alright I know you were just kidding but this does come up in seriousness and I don't really understand it.

Ouch.

"Get over it"? Would you want someone to tell you that...? If you were frustrated by something, and someone told you to just "get over it", would you like it?

Personally, that's not my issue, B"H. My husband and I work equally hard on Purim.

But let OP feel the way she feels. She doesn't have to get over anything... Feelings are allowed in Judiasm as far as I know.... Robots can't keep the mitzvos Cool

amother

Purple

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 6:58 am

amother wrote:

He'll show up later? I hope he doesn't drive when drunk?

amother

Turquoise

Fri, Mar 10 2017, 7:46 am

amother wrote:

He'll show up later? I hope he doesn't drive when drunk?

No he walks - I take the car with the kids Very Happy

. Its about 15 minute walk - and its good for him to walk anyways. By the time he gets home its mostly worn off so he can help me finish straightening up if he is able.

Thursday night I went out to go shopping for myself for 1 1/2 hours. I left DH with an unhappy baby, he cleaned the kitchen and made mishloach manos with the boys and put the girls to sleep. I'm not going to complain that he enjoys himself for 2 hours at the end of purim after helping so much.

A Purim day without men would be pretty miserable for me.