Is purim a reflection of your child's social status?

mommy3b2c

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 11:56 am

No it's not. Both my kids have lots of friends. My older one is a quiet, nerdy type and my younger one is a cool, jock. You would think the jock got all the shalach manos? Just the opposite. The older one got a ton of shalach manos. They younger got only one from an old neighbor, none from the kids in his class. He was really sad about it, and I feel really bad for him. He asked me if it means that nobody really likes him. Of course it doesn't. Just that the parents have a million things to do and they didn't have time to bring their kids.

groovy1224

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 11:58 am

It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Purim is a crazy day, and most people just aren't able to deliver shalach manos to everyone they'd like to. And location is a factor too. I'm much more likely to bring to someone who lived a few blocks away then in a neighboring town.

On the flip side, if a child gets several shalach manos, then I would assume that he/she is well liked, if enough parents went out of their way on a busy day to bring over. They would probably only do that if their kid was really insistent on bringing it over to your kid.

water_bear88

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 11:59 am

I agree with Mommy3b2c, it has more to do with age and proximity to friends. A 5-year-old is very dependent on parental transport but might be allowed to walk alone to a friend on the same block. A 10-year-old who has very close school-friends but who all live in a different neighborhood may not get from most or any of them.

Chayalle

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 12:02 pm

Totally agree. There are simply not enough hours in the day, so if my child's friend is in the general area of a neighborhood we are going to anyway, we will make it there. But if they live far out and we don't have several reasons to go there, we simply won't have time.

amother

Blue

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 12:06 pm

I used to give my kids mishloach manos limits. Like each kid can choose five friends to bring to. But I ended up with one child giving to five and having another twenty come to us and another giving five with no one stopping by us. If I don't host the Seuda and can get out my House in Purim day my kids make enough for all their classmates and I drive them wherever they'd like to go. I tell them that our first few stops must include someone in their class who might not get many mishloach manos packages but after that I drive around until they tell me they've had enough.
I don't have a baby or toddler at home right now and didn't host a Seuda this year so it worked.
But to answer your question, no, I do not think Purim is a reflection of your child's social status. More likely a reflection of if you are on the general route of most families in a particular class. I have also noticed through the years that some children will talk about what they are giving and if it sounds exciting enough (we are setting up a carnival in our house with hot dogs, slushes, and cotton candy...) more kids will ask their parents to bring to that child.

lfab

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 12:11 pm

Not necessarily. One of my DDs has a bunch of girls who she's friendly with who live nearby. Several girls from her class live within 2-3 blocks. On the other hand my other DDs good friends (many of the ones she wanted to give to) live further away and were too far to get to/come to us on such a busy day. I took both to several friends in the neighborhood. However, the one who has friends nearby also had a bunch of people come over to us to give her while the other one whose friends live further only had 1 girl come to our house to give her. I felt a little bad for her but I don't think it's a reflection of their popularity.

amother

Silver

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 1:27 pm

In general, I think the op is correct. More popular kids will get more mm than less popular kids. Of course living near friends plays a factor, but to think that a very unpopular kid gets the same mm as a popular kid is silly. Unless parents go out of their way to make social outcasts/unpopular be on the receiving end, often those kids won't get. Sorry if the truth hurts.

mommy3b2c

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

As a general rule, popular kids will get more shalach manos, but just because your kid doesn't get any, does not mean he's unpopular. My son did not get even one. You can tell me he's unpopular, but he's not. He's actually one of the "cool" kids in his class. Parents are just not interested in shlepping out.

amother

Natural

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 2:03 pm

This is a bit touchy for me.
My daughter had to go to public school because of her learning difficulties. I have tried so hard to keep her in touch with her old friends. I find it very difficult mostly because the moms just don't reciprocate.

I especially took her to a friend she really likes to drop a mishloach manos. The girl didn't even give her one back. I was so upset. Even if all her mm were finished I'm sure she had a lollipop to spare in order to spare my daughter's feelings.
My dd was confused but I tried to talk her through it .(I think iI took it harder then her)

I said to my dh that sometimes parents need chinuch! I personally would never allow a child to walk away empty handed, especially a vulnerable one.

I'm sorry I hijacked this thread to vent.
I agree with the other posters that it is mostly about convenience.
I do think it is an added touch to think about those who may not be getting any...

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 2:11 pm

No. I found kids gave neighbors. I wasn't running around town to give and I don't think anyone else was. My kids have lots of friends they can walk to and exchanged with them. If we saw a friend on the way and it was convenient they would give them. They weren't necessarily giving their best friends but those who were convenient.
The only child whose parents drove to our house was a child with a disability in my daughters's class that she is friendly with. It made me feel good that they are friends and my daughter is mature enough to see beyond her disability or accommodate her accordingly when needed (like choose her first on sports teams even though she isn't be the best player). (Is it appropriate to give a child who can't eat solids a M'M with food in it? we weren't sure what to do so we gave the M'M and a small chachka I had in the house)

I can't imagine sending any kid away with nothing - from any parent's point of view.

tichellady

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 2:20 pm

I don't have children. We only got about 7 mm and we have a lot of friends. People are busy (we are too) and we are not taking it personally. It's not the only way people show their friendship. When I was a kid I was only allowed to give to friends who we could walk to, no driving, and I think I could give 3 or 4. I don't even remember getting any specifically because my whole family shared whatever we got.

Learning

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 5:31 pm

I think Purim mostly reflect on the parents popularity. Kids like to go to everyone and give and take. For sure to go first to their friends and maybe the unpopular kids don't get much. But anyone that comes to my house get a shaloch manos back. So the less popular kids can just go to all the classmates houses. But the parents popularity factor is for another thread....

amother

Olive

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 6:48 pm

I live OOT. The Purim shuttle gave us the shaloch manos from 2 people it was a tiny thing with some assorted tiny candies in a clear plastic container. It was so embarrassing I dumped the whole thing in the garbage before anybody can see it. .

studying_torah

Mon, Mar 13 2017, 7:28 pm

One child is not very popular, but her friends are old enough to walk over and did, so she got a ton of unexpected Mm.
To amother natural, I'm so sorry for what happened to your child, but please realize it might not have been possible.
I know by me, a lot of extra kids showed up and we kept scrambling to grab stuff from other mm for these kids. (I only got real food from from the adult mm, & was literally grabbing things from my other kids mm). By the time one friend drove over shortly before the seuda, I couldn't give her. There were a few other kids I could not give to. I felt awful, and explained my child will bring a return mm to school, iyh.