Spinoff: kids collecting tzedakah

amother

Brown

Wed, Mar 15 2017, 10:16 pm

I saw on another thread a few responses against the concept of kids going around collecting tzedakah, either on Purim or otherwise. I was glad to see I'm not the only one against the idea because at the moment I'm being made to feel like a monster by my kids!

In our community there is a big raffle that goes towards aniyei eretz Yisroel, all "sellers, ie kids, go into a separate raffle to win a ticket to eretz Yisroel, the more tickets you sell the more raffle entries into the draw. It is a big project and the kids in all the schools are discussing it all the time, getting together to sell, comparing numbers etc.

My kids understandably feel left out because I don't let them go knocking on people's doors, although I usually buy a book from them so they go into the draw. They don't understand my objection however and I really don't know how to explain it in a way they'd understand. We're talking ages 7-11.

My 11 year old particularly is arguing that so many extracurricular activities as she's growing up involves collecting money and she does have a point. I don't want them feeling left out but I also don't want them looking back on this time once they're adults and thinking my parents never let me do anything but rather reaching a point where they can say, I get it now, even if they don't understand at the moment.

So, if you don't let your kids go collecting, particularly teenagers, what do you tell them and do they accept it?

amother

Oak

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 12:38 am

My father agrees with you and so do I. My parents never let me sell raffles in houses I had to stand outside and also not to men.
They solved the issue by having me call relatives and I got some money and it was wonderful!
My father is a major askan for the Israeli community and he says he feels that kids play around with tzedaka money and that is mamon hekdish.
I don't want to talk loshon hora but some organizations are fraud (I dont want to go into details), you really have to know who the money is going to. Are the people pocketing the money
I feel family comes first, then the shul daven in and the schools I went to/kids go to.

rainbow dash

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 3:56 am

When I was in neve I caught 2 boys knocking on the girls rooms in the dorms collecting money. Straight away told the am habayit.

My kids aslo have to sell rosh Hashanah cards to go into a raffle. We have no neighbors,-I dont let them run around town so we buy some off them.

Just tell them that its mamash not safe to knock on doors these days and that your only thinking of their safety.

Chayalle

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 10:54 am

amother wrote:

R Yaakov Kaminetsky only gave tzedakah to boys under the age of Bar Mitzvah if they had a closed/sealed pushka the money went into, and only small change, for this very reason.

We only give small amounts to those who come to the door. For bigger amounts of Tzedaka we choose organizations that we have looked into (not those with the most eye-catching advertisments and promises of miracles....)

PinkFridge

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 11:56 am

Aylat wrote:

It's interesting to me to see this.
Those who have a problem, is it because
1) the idea of children going collecting for tzedaka is wrong; or
2) more the circumstances ie prizes, competition, inappropriate situations, happens too much etc that bother you?

Here's what bothers me:
1. Safety of the kids
2. Responsibility to keep the money safe
3. The pressure on kids to collect (sometimes from schools) or the simple FOMO on the excitement and glitz.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 12:02 pm

PinkFridge wrote:

Here's what bothers me:
1. Safety of the kids
2. Responsibility to keep the money safe
3. The pressure on kids to collect (sometimes from schools) or the simple FOMO on the excitement and glitz.

4. The lesson they are learning: make demands on others so that I get what I want (the prize). They are not learning to be giving, charitable, generous. We are feeding their selfishness.

amother

Fuchsia

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 12:09 pm

My sons got a pushke with an accompanying letter explaining that it was for chinuch purposes (Matanos l'Evyonim). The pushke was sealed so the kids had no idea how much was in it. They took it along to shul and to our family party. Everyone who brings the pushke back is rewarded with a gift certificate to a local store (just a couple of dollars). I have no problem with any of this.

PinkFridge

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 12:10 pm

amother wrote:

How old, or rather, young, do they start?

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 12:11 pm

I don't approve of it. I rather teach my children about tzedakah by showing them that we give then by telling them to make other adults uncomfortable by asking them for money. I think it's very bad chinuch. You want to teach them to give, teach them to give of their toys, their snacks to their friends, things that they can relate to.

amother

Wine

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 12:43 pm

I hate it too when kids are asked to collect and sell raffle tickets. And when it's girls who are asked I find it worse as I don't feel girls should be knocking on doors. I usually let them sell one book to family and close neighbours and will make sure they have one chance to win.

As it happens dd won a ticket once. This is how it happened.
Dd 11 was in tears because I wasn't happy for her to go selling raffles for an out of town cause. Other girls sold over 10 books she cried..... I replied to her that
1) most children don't win and the chances of winning are so slim as loads of schools asked the children to sell
2) you need one chance to win. If Hashem wants you to win that's enough

And when some time later she actually got the call that she won a ticket to Israel she was jolly surprised.
And I hope she learnt some lessons.....

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 9:25 pm

Many of the points made are valid however I would like to answer from the other perspective of one who allows her children to collect.

regarding safety, I allow my kids to collect in pairs on the 3 or 4 blocks closest to my home. They only knock on doors of neighbors. I know all neighbors and the same way I would send my kid over to borrow a cup of sugar, I can reasonably send him over with his collecting.

regarding chinuch, I think it is a great and wonderful thing to collect. I stress to my kids the statement from chazal that one who gets others to give is doing more of a mitzvah than one who gives from his own pocket. There is nothing shameful about collecting. We are giving our neighbors the opportunity to join in a beautiful tzedakah. If they don't want, or can't contribute there are many ways that they can say it.

I try to give every kid or adult who comes to my door with a smile. I live in lkwd and believe me there are a lot. Through this I hope to impart to my kids the beauty in giving.

Do I wish my kids would collect even without the grandeur of a prize, yes. I believe they would too, however the current trend is to offer prizes.

I am proud of my 3 kids (ages 6-11) who this Purim collected over $250 together to go to the needy in our community.

yksraya

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 9:37 pm

I feel like kids are taught to be "beggars" not "givers" by going around to others doors. Besides, it gets really annoying when purim time or other busy seasons kids ring the bell or knock every few min. I do not want my kids to be those kids. Dh usually gives abt $20 to the kid to take it back to the cheder, and if we are at my MIL, they sometimes collect from uncles who don't mind giving. But not by knocking on doors.

Also, I see the whole Idea of rewards for collecting, as a way of "using" the kids. And it does not teach chessed as they do it only for the prize and not for the mitzva.

pause

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 9:41 pm

amother wrote:

THIS THIS THIS

Teach children to give by having them give, not by having them take. Give of themselves or their possessions. Not someone else's.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 9:53 pm

yksraya wrote:

Beggars??
And what is wrong with asking for money for others? Is there a shame in collecting for others? They are not collecting to buy themselves ice cream. They are doing it to help their mosad, aniyim, sick children in the Hospital.

Annoying??
I b"H can afford the quarter or 50cents to each adorable boy who comes to the door. I hope G-d appreciates the way I treat his children and treats me and my own children with graciousness too.

I don't love the rewards part of it. Or at least not to how far it has come (hoverboards??) but I think it is a trend that started when organizations found out they could make more money by appealing to our grown-up greed and started these ostentatious Chinese auctions with eye popping prizes. Oh well, that is the generation we live in.

But the core principle of collecting for others is a beautiful chesed that kids are being trained in.

yksraya

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 10:07 pm

amother wrote:

Yes, begging at doors so that they can achieve their prize...

And yes, annoying, when a young mother puts toddlers to bed, or baby for a nap and the ringing bell keeps waking them. Or when a mother is busy cooking or doing chores and the little kids keep knocking or ringing the bell way too often.

Bh I don't live in such an area, not that many neighbors around. But have friends who complain about it. Also, some ppl have no brains and send the kids collecting tzedaka erev shabbos close to the zman as a way of getting the kids out of the house so they can get ready for shabbos.

If you really want to teach your kids about tzedaka, you do so by simply giving tzedaka and letting them be the ones to give the money at your door. Also, if they see you involved in doing chessed, they will pick up on that, kids learn what we model to them.

Lastly, you shouldn't have hidden under amother, that kinda makes you a coward.

pause

Thu, Mar 16 2017, 10:11 pm

amother wrote:

And this is where our priorities in chinuch have gotten screwed up.