Sending older kids away after giving birth

amother

Orchid

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 3:30 pm

I definitely think it's more of a mindset than part of the culture you grew up in. I'm chassidish but I have friends who both send kids away or keep them home and some get nurses to help out especially at night. I personally had 2 c-sections and was up and about right after and didn't understand why everyone was fussing over me.

Everyone does what works for them. There's no right or wrong and no one should be made to feel incompetent if they need extra help

gold21

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 3:35 pm

pesek zman wrote:

When my Polish grandmother visited me 3 days post partum and I was lying on the couch at one point, she said, 'what's wrong with you? Get up!'

This was definitely not her way/my mother's way/my way

Cultural expectation definitely are in play here

Haha omg

After my first birth (I didn't have a lot of support postpartum for a variety of reasons), when I was wheeling my fussy 2 week old in the stroller, and I felt horrible, cuz of bad stitches pain (I had what felt like an episiotomy on steroids- couldn't sit down for over a week- don't ask), my grandmother stopped me and mentioned that my aunt, who had a baby just before me, was already wearing a shaitel and makeup and bla bla and was back to herself (I guess to encourage me to get my act together- I guess I looked like a zombie). Hehe. That was her grandmotherly advice, that I should look more put together, I guess. She didn't mean badly, she was trying to help the way she knew how, by encouraging me to get it together. Haha. LOL

B"H for grandmas!

Everything is so cultural. My background is not Polish by the way. You may be able to figure out my background from the anecdote listed above, but Im not gonna confirm or deny anything. LOL

gold21

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 4:41 pm

deams wrote:

Most people don't have family members where I live. The kids are likely familiar with the people they are sent with. Its the under 3 children that concern me the most. Most times they are not with an older sibling and they don't see there parents for 2 weeks.

Oy. I hear you. I definitely do not agree with sending kids to places where they are not 100 percent comfortable. Sending to Bubby's house and sending to the neighbor's house are two totally different things. If you don't have a decent place to send, then don't send. Hey, people manage with their kids home PP, it is possible. I'm not a supermom and I do it. Many people do it.

Definitely only send kids to homes where they are totally comfortable- ideally to family. Thats only fair. For sure.

amother

Natural

Sun, Mar 19 2017, 3:52 pm

I have friends who go to their mothers after birth. some friends hire more help. I was lucky and I had my mother fly in or she offered to pay for more help (which I am VERY grateful for- the best present!!!!!)

we have some ladies in our communities who have no help and cannot pay for help. sometimes we collect money for them to get a night nurse or a cleaning lady or a baby sitter, or we take turns in picking up older kids from school, taking them to to playground or our for pizza, so that the mother can rest in the afternoon.

we definitely shop and/or cook for 2 weaks minimum! (unless the family explicitly says they dont want this service)

it is a small community, most women understand the pressure a mother is under, when she already has several kids, a husband working all day and no relative around. I think it is totally normal to be weak , you have lost blood, are sleep deprived and maybe suffer a mild form of ppd??? why not feel weak???

I havent heared of sending kids away though- maybe it is done here, but this concept is new to me.

fyi: many cahssidish but also litvish / yeshivish ppl living here.