S/O high school helpers?

amother

Burlywood

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 2:48 am

I see these posts about "getting high school girls" or "chessed girls". In my community and when I went to school only certain families got help- illness usually.
What do other communities do? How does one get a chessed girl?

As a mom, how do you feel having your kids helping other families- especially when it's something they don't do at home?

amother

Linen

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 5:44 am

amother wrote:

Personally I found a girl who doesn't have younger siblings and who I pay. In general you can get them for free by calling their school and asking. But that's for an hour once a week and they'll cancel every time they have a big test. The schools are definitely willing to send to moms of young kids (multiple not just 1) but due to lack of supply they try to send to alumni first

33055

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 6:12 am

amother wrote:

My daughter's school forces the girls to help clean people's houses for Pesach.

I am totally against this type of forced chessed. There is no way the school can vet all the families properly; the girls' mothers should be able to choose the families to help because we don't prosecute most of the monsters in the community. I have heard the horror stories from the girls of being in dangerous situations they couldn't extricate themselves from. They are sheltered girls who taught to obey authority and that Jews are good.

At least with alumni, half the adults are known.

Edited for typos.

Last edited by 33055 on Fri, Mar 17 2017, 7:27 am; edited 1 time in total

cnc

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 7:05 am

I went to a family throughout high school. In my schools it's voluntary and it's officially for once a week but I went more often before Pesach and when the mother needed extra help . My mother actually knew the family that I was assigned to so I guess you can say that they were 'vetted'.
I really enjoyed it and gained a lot. The mother was a special person that I learned a lot from and the parents even came to my vort and wedding.

I was never asked to clean. I helped the kids with homework , or helped with the baby and toddler while the mother did homework with the older ones and occasionally did errands with the oldest (running to the store to pick up last minute things while the mother was putting together shalach manos etc) . I have fond memories....
I would most likely only allow my own children to do this for people that I know personally.

amother

Saddlebrown

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 8:26 am

I just pay high school girls to help. I don't present it as chessed or go through a school or organization. It's just any other high school job like babysitting. My daughter had a teenager who babysat, and I asked her if she does light housework, or if she has a friend or sister who would be happy to do it on a weekly basis. I had 3 girls willing to do it within the next few days, on a weekly basis. The girl's parents don't mind it anymore than they mind her being paid to babysit.

Laughing Bag!

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 10:25 am

When I was in high school we had the chessed program where we went to people to help we were often sent 2 girls together. We'd help with the kids, pesach cleaning, sometimes babysitting. I remember going to one lady which we knew well and my mother encouraged me to go out of the chessed program to help, I helped then with pesach cleaning since it was that time of year but I continued to help her later on as needed she would call direct.
I know situations these days are very different people feel less safe sending their girls, also I find there are less girls even willing to do it for some reason.
I personally know 2 people who were trying to get chessed girls to help, one is a family with little kids and no family around. The other is a mom of multiples. Both were having such a hard time getting the help and when they did it was strictly 1hr (or less) cancelled often... besides for that the one with multiples got help a little easier it seemed to me like the girls pock and choose its way more interesting to help 2 cute twins than assorted age kids.
I would love to get girls to come help now before pesach, I don't live near family, I just gave birth, BH my kids are out now but when they are coming home it's right in the pre pesach frenzy, and my house needs to get done and cleaned for pesach. I'm not being home for YT but the real chometz needs to be cleaned out with 5 little ones and no help it won't be easy at all. I almost doubt I'll get any girls.

LittleDucky

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 10:51 am

Squishy wrote:

Just because they are alumni doesn't make them safe. Everyone is an alum from somewhere. I would be wary of sending my kids to someone's house that wasn't vetted by the school!

amother

Yellow

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 1:30 pm

I'm the person who originally posted on the other thread to get a chessed girl. B"h I got two amazing girls (I have 3 kids) the way chessed works in their school (they've explained it to me, and also I worked in their school a little bit last year) is that they have many options of what they can do, like bnos, help a mom, adopt a Bubby, jep, Jill and many other chassadim. For help a mom, they have a choice of choosing their own person, or being set up by the school. These girls I taught last year when I was in the school for a little bit so they called me to ask if they can come.
Anon not to out myself on the other thread.

33055

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 1:55 pm

LittleDucky wrote:

Just because they are alumni doesn't make them safe. Everyone is an alum from somewhere. I would be wary of sending my kids to someone's house that wasn't vetted by the school!

My point of my original post is that school really can't vet. I know of dangerous situations the girls were placed in. These were in supposedly vetted houses. The girls are too young and obedient to get out. A streetwise girl can stick up for herself better.

Presumably after four years, the school has an understating of the alumni.

I don't trust the schools to vet.

ra_mom

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 2:10 pm

A decade ago I paid a 13 year old neighbor a nominal amount to take out my toddler for 1 hour each afternoon. It was a lifesaver at the time. Our neighbor was truly special, from a very simple happy family and was always thrilled to come over. There was no helping out at home, just playing with my toddler.

I would totally be ok with my daughter doing the same as above, with a neighbor, for an hour. But not going to an unknown home to have unknown responsibilities.

SixOfWands

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 3:14 pm

Squishy wrote:

That's terrible.

Forget vetting the families. Why should your kid be cleaning someone else's home? If you want her to help clean your home for Pesach, your kid, your business. If there are people in the community who have physical or other constraints that don't allow them to properly prepare for Pesach, let the community raise money to pay someone -- whether a teen or a professional -- to help. But forcing teenage girls to clean other people's homes just because they're teenagers is just, well, wrong.

Are the people they're helping at least people with physical limitations? And if not, could you ask for some random girl to come to you, while your daughter is out cleaning someone else's house? Bizarre.

33055

Fri, Mar 17 2017, 3:26 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

The girls clean the teachers houses, the administrators, and the school secretaries. AFAIK none of them have any physical limitations or circumstances.

They also clean the homes of people who are not functioning optimally which leads to the questionable situations.