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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
When did your DDs start covering their elbows?
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At what age did you require your daughter(s) to cover their elbows?
Between ages 3-5  
 35%  [ 52 ]
Between ages 6-9  
 39%  [ 58 ]
Between ages 10-11  
 3%  [ 5 ]
Only once she became a bat-mitzvah  
 3%  [ 5 ]
Never  
 17%  [ 26 ]
Total Votes : 146



amother
Oak


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:40 pm
At what age did you require your daughter(s) to cover their elbows?

Asking as a mother who grew up more modern than I am now and wore short sleeves until seminary, and very unsure how to handle things with my 10-year-old DD! We live in an area that in the summer has the potential to become oppressively, unbearably hot and before I change things up on her and tell her no more short sleeves, I want to feel better about my decision. I don't want her to hate tznius. I also am concerned about her seeing her younger sib (potentially, based on the responses here) still be allowed to wear short sleeves.

Help is appreciated!
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:45 pm
What is the norm among her friends, community and school? I wear short sleeves but that's normal where I live. You can also discuss it with her instead of just presenting it as a rule and see what she thinks.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:47 pm
6 (theoretically could have started at 7 - but they were in school and social norms here is to start by 6)
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tovli toraspicha




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:50 pm
We hold that a girl should cover her elbows when she is a bas mitzvah. So we talk about it before and if she herself wants to start earlier than that then great, and if not then the official change is 12 years old. We have a bit of a transition around 9 also, some things (like mixed swimming) start then, and others become introduced but not necessary, just as chinuch.
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abound




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 1:47 pm
Do it once 30-50% of her class is doing it. Unless you hold more stringently than them. Also when you do it, introduce it as a badge of honor, a grown up thing which shows she is a bat Yisroel and an Eved Hashem. Do not ever say that you feel bad for her that it is hot etc.
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gold21




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 2:57 pm
Non-chassidim typically start at age 6-8.
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cnc




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 3:01 pm
5 years old
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amother
Oak


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 3:16 pm
Thanks for the responses. A couple of posters referenced what others are doing and as far as the community, I live in a very mixed community, in fact the majority of the people here are more modern, so in town she is seeing girls her age in short sleeves. At school she has a uniform and I have no idea what her fellow students will be wearing in the summer when school is not in session Sad
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 3:33 pm
I buy only long sleeved tops around age 5.
But I don't nudge them to cover their elbows if they choose to push up their sleeves.
I cover my elbows and hope that by being their role model they will decide to follow and keep our family's standard.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 3:50 pm
3 years old but come on, this is a tradition thing.
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out-of-towner




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 4:37 pm
amother wrote:
3 years old but come on, this is a tradition thing.


Not everyone has traditions to base it on.
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amother
Bisque


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 5:28 pm
3-5 based on what the class is doing. If you wait too long it is a hard transition for them, if it is early they don't know different. I also wouldn't want my kid to be the only one--in either direction.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 5:38 pm
gold21 wrote:
Non-chassidim typically start at age 6-8.
That is extremely general no?
I mean, I am modern orthodox so I am not chassidish, but my daughter is almost 9 and she hs not started covering her elbows, unless she wants to.
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out-of-towner




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 6:01 pm
gold21 wrote:
Non-chassidim typically start at age 6-8.


I actually come from a hard-core Litvish family and my father's hard-core Litvish Rav told them to start me at 3. I happened to have married a Chossid, so this is what we do as well, but it isn't a correct generalization.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 6:13 pm
shabbatiscoming wrote:
That is extremely general no?
I mean, I am modern orthodox so I am not chassidish, but my daughter is almost 9 and she hs not started covering her elbows, unless she wants to.


And on the other hand I am not chassidish and we start from age 3.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 6:15 pm
amother wrote:
3 years old but come on, this is a tradition thing.


Not especially. My family hold 3 because we hold that hilchos tznius starts from age 3 (in sync with hilchos yichud). Obviously many don't hold like that, but I wouldn't call it a tradition thing.
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Seas




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 6:17 pm
Full tznius rules from 3 (but sometimes lenient up until the age of 5).
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amother
Papaya


 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 6:24 pm
Seas wrote:
Full tznius rules from 3 (but sometimes lenient up until the age of 5).


Which MO community are you a part of again?
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 7:18 pm
Each one was different. DD1 was big for her age so the summer after primary I didn't buy any new short sleeves, I bought long and she used up last year's short. DD2 is tiny so it didn't dawn on me until the summer after 1st grade. DD3 is the youngest so she was in short sleeves the longest, IIRC she asked for long sleeves like the "big girls" the summer after she turned 7.
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onlyone




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Mar 22 2017, 7:33 pm
I dont. They all wear short sleeves since I dont cover my elbows. I do cover my knees though, and they have to from about 6 on as well. Practically none of the girls even over Bat Mitzvah cover their elbows, and girls in all grades are allowed to wear a tshirt uniform shirt or a cap sleeve shirt from grade 6 and up, covering most of the arm above the elbow. But we are Modern, and the school they go to it VERY Modern, so this question doesnt apply to me as much.
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