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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
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amother
Pewter
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 Wed, Mar 22 2017, 11:47 am
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if you're going to your parents or in laws for yom tov do you bring something as appreciation? do you buy a proper gift? flowers or wine? nothing? I'm curios what the norm is. I never know if what I'm doing is the correct way.
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cnc
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 11:50 am
For the entire yom tov or just for one meal?
I usually help out with the cooking (besides for Pesach because we have different minhagim) but I don't bring an actual gift when I go for meals.
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amother
Pewter
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 11:53 am
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not for whole 8 days but let's say for half. or a whole shorter yom tov like RH or shevuos.
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Stars
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 11:55 am
Nothing or food (mostly dessert)
for pesach nothing because I dont have where to cook and they dont eat any bought food.
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tichellady
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 11:57 am
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I help with the cooking and baking And clean up after the meals. I don't expect them to bring a gift when they come to me but they always bring something. I would not mind bringing a gift but can never really think of what they would actually appreciate
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emzod42
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:12 pm
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We usually buy an interesting houseplant/flowers for my parents or dh's parents when we go. We also often bring a dish or two.
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amother
Brown
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:16 pm
There's really no "correct" answer. It depends on so many factors such as how often you go and for how long. We used to go to my inlaws once a year for a week to two weeks, and I always brought something. Usually kosher gourmet items they didn't have in their town until they did have them there, or something I thought they could use like a tablecloth or nice hand towels.
One of my dc doesn't bring us anything, which is fine. We're deliriously happy just to see them. Another always asks if she should bring something. Sometimes I say a salad or dessert, sometimes I say just yourselves. Sometimes they bring a bottle of wine or home-baked challah anyway, sometimes not. Another dc brings challah, cake and salad every time she comes for Shabbos even though we tell her she doesn't have to bring anything. We love all our kids, appreciate the gifts when they are given, and would be equally happy if they came empty-handed.
That being said, my mother taught me never to go anywhere empty handed, so I don't.
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Stars
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:19 pm
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Of course we help out full force when we're there but that's the obvious
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fs
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 12:49 pm
My parents and in laws fly us in for Pesach, and we stay a week by each one. Sometimes we buy flowers, or we are still wracking our brains for budget friendly, appropriate gift for them. I would buy something they want which is $250, my DH won't hear of it. DH has a point, we are a kollel couple and if we spend to much money on gifts our parents will think we don't know how to budget...
On the other hand, making Pesach at home is quite costly...
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mommyhood
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 1:00 pm
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I do not usually buy a gift but I will occasionally buy Something that I know they would like like a pesach cookbook or a new tablecloth.
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Simple1
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 1:34 pm
| mommyhood wrote: | | I do not usually buy a gift but I will occasionally buy Something that I know they would like like a pesach cookbook or a new tablecloth. |
Those are gifts, really.
Are you planning on bringing things? We used to ask them what they could use, maybe some paper goods for between meals, snacks or drinks etc.
It's not incorrect to bring a gift - and always welcome. Unless you're on a tight budget, and your parents would be upset at you spending on an extravagant gift. But you can keep it simple and practical.
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amother
Teal
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 1:47 pm
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We go to my parents for whole pesach - different country. I try to bring gift - usually an english sefer/inspiring book. My mother is the type to really enjoy that. Once we brought a gorgeous challa cover. My sis once brought them a silver ka'arah. Not sure what to bring this year but my mother usually says she always appreciates fresh towels (like for al netilas yadayim)
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eschaya
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 2:15 pm
We never do. I don't think my mother would appreciate it. I see how she struggles to find a place for every little "shmunztaleh" (I think that's what she calls knick knacks) that she gets from others.... anything we could afford would just be a waste of our money and her space. My siblings and I usually buy nice flowers for them for yom tov, so maybe that counts? My parents are simply not the type to appreciate standard gifts. One time my siblings and I thought we came up with a great idea... we bought my mother a massage gift certificate because she worked so hard for yom tov and we thought she could use break. Well a year later she still hadn't used it and even offered it to us to use. Now if we could afford to redo my parents kitchen I'm sure they'd appreciate it... (but even then, they don't want us to waste money and they would never feel comfortable taking from others).
I'm coming from a signficant plane ride, so bringing food is not relevant. And if we are there a few days before yom tov, I often offer to help, but my mother says the biggest help I can do is keep the kids out of the house. So if thats what she wants, I'm happy to indulge.
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chavi100
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 2:57 pm
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We see DH's parents less often, so will bring them wine or something small. My parents we usually just help out in the kitchen/cleaning up.
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zaq
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 3:53 pm
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Flowers definitely count as a gift. Back in the day when there were etiquette books and rules of courtship, there were only three gifts an unmarried woman could accept from a man who was not her close relative, and these were: flowers, candy, and books. Anything else was too personal and implied an inappropriate intimacy.
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DVOM
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Wed, Mar 22 2017, 4:03 pm
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My siblings and I usually all chip in for something we think they'd like. One year we brought serving dishes, another new table linen. This year we got together to take a group picture of all the grandchildren. We're going to have it printed up and framed.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Mar 23 2017, 8:02 am
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Nothing, unless I can disguise it as a chag gift or something. They would be upset to not be treated "casual"/family.
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essie14
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Thu, Mar 23 2017, 11:10 am
When I lived within driving distance and it was for any Shabbat or chag other than Pesach, I always brought food items that I cooked at home - challah or other things. For Pesach I would help with a lot of the cooking in my mom's house.
Now that I live overseas, when we go to either set of parents, we always pick up flowers or a fruit arrangement or something like that when we are there. But we don't ever go for chag; it's only for short visits to one or both sets of parents.
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JAWSCIENCE
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Thu, Mar 23 2017, 11:36 am
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I usually just put myself to work - especially on Passover when I don't have a Passover kitchen at home to work in. I try to make things for the meals. This is typically appreciated. I think my parents and in-laws would be upset if I thought I had to bring something every time I came over. It would limit how often I came over.
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MagentaYenta
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Thu, Mar 23 2017, 12:32 pm
My family are schleppers. If you are visiting for a holiday it takes coolers, and bags of foodstuffs. Yea even if you are just stopping by for an informal dinner, perhaps a box of baked goods. If you are just stopping by well, maybe some fresh veggies from farmers market or a fresh latte.I notice that it's not just the Jews around here but the nonJewish also are schleppers. Perhaps we were all brought up not to go empty handed when you are going to someones home?
For big deals like anniversaries the kids would always chip in for something.
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