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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
How much $ or appropriate gift? whole Pesach to friends
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amother
Burlywood


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 7:48 am
How much $ would you give or what would be appropriate gift? Staying in a rental home but eating all meals with a friend. We are two adults and 5 kids. One is a baby. Won't be able to bring cooked food to contribute due to traveling etc.
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Liba




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 7:51 am
Pesach food is expensive. I spend about $1,000/4,000nis for everything (meat, eggs, grocery store purchases, matzah, paper goods) for a family of 6 ke"h. When we have company for all of yom tov those numbers go way up.
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macadamia




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 7:56 am
What about 2 adults eating by someone is yrushalaim but not friends, just distant family? Tx
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amother
Smokey


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 8:00 am
amother wrote:
How much $ would you give or what would be appropriate gift? Staying in a rental home but eating all meals with a friend. We are two adults and 5 kids. One is a baby. Won't be able to bring cooked food to contribute due to traveling etc.


It is strange to give friends money for hosting. Are you able to bring matzah and wine? especially if they eat hand shmurah, that is expensive stuff and will be well appreciated.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 10:41 am
Tell them you're bringing x pounds of Matzah and x bottles of wine (so they know ahead of time that they don't need to buy as much). Make sure everyone can enjoy and that it's not just for your family. A nice box of chocolates, or flowers, with a card is also a sweet gesture on top of that.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 11:00 am
If it is in the budget, a lovely new tablecloth and napkins, a basket of monogrammed guest towels, something for the table like silver are all gifts that are appreciated.
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amother
Navy


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 11:22 am
amother wrote:
It is strange to give friends money for hosting. Are you able to bring matzah and wine? especially if they eat hand shmurah, that is expensive stuff and will be well appreciated.


I would give a check of $1,000 if I had it. If I didn't, I'd give as much as I could. Money is always appreciated.

Personally, I'd not appreciate tablecloths, napkins, silverware, etc. I'd appreciate money, in any amount you'd feel comfortable with.

I'd mail it ahead of time. She can decide whether to buy toys/games for her children, or use it for food.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 11:40 am
Honestly, money is appreciated if it is an amount that makes a dent. We had company once for all of yom tov, family of seven and they ate, a lot. Much than my family ever would, they tripled our pesach food bill and gave us $100. I wasn't sure what to even make of their check. I thanked them, deposited it and yom tov proceeded, but it wasn't even enough of a help to even feel the difference.

The following year, after doing Pesach shopping themselves they sent us an apology note, saying they hadn't realized how expensive pesach was and how they knew this was still barely anything compared to what we had done for them, and a check for $250.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 11:49 am
amother wrote:
I would give a check of $1,000 if I had it. If I didn't, I'd give as much as I could. Money is always appreciated.

Personally, I'd not appreciate tablecloths, napkins, silverware, etc. I'd appreciate money, in any amount you'd feel comfortable with.

I'd mail it ahead of time. She can decide whether to buy toys/games for her children, or use it for food.


OMG!! OMG!! I would be so I insulted like I was a hotel. I guess it depends on the stage in life.

When we traveled for Pesach, we always brought the wine, grape juice, matzoh and a lasting hostess gift. The gift was the thing that always got the compliments. The people we stayed with would similarly have been appalled because they do it for the mitzvah.
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yksraya




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 12:03 pm
Bring along a case wine and grape juice, and a few boxes matzah. Buy a nice expensive gift such as a silver for the seder table. And perhaps a toy for their kids.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 12:05 pm
The most expensive thing for pesach is the matzah and wine. Bring your own even if you're traveling.
Ask if they are lacking anything for pesach like a food processor or blender. Maybe they would love to have a decanter or serving platter...
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 12:11 pm
Money? That's insulting.
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Raisin




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 2:03 pm
I would buy wine, (a couple of cases at least) matza, maybe some meat roasts. Chocolate, desserts, nice fruit. Perhaps you can buy these locally so you don't have to shlep, or order online. There are kosher meat companies that deliver all over the us. eg grow and behold.

Squishy, maybe you are very well off. I love hosting family over yom tov, but we are really not well off so any contribution to the groceries is really appreciated. Some family spent yom tov with me recently and he went shopping with me and paid the supermarket bill.

Some people might find it offensive to be given cash, but wine, chocolates and really any food item are acceptable hostess gifts.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 2:29 pm
Something that I found could be very appreciated is to offer and pay for cleaning help over Yom Tov. I once did this and explained that I would only feel comfortable coming if I could pay for someone to ease the workload. The hostess really appreciated it and was able to sit and enjoy the company without worrying too much about the mess.
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tichellady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 2:29 pm
In my world giving $ would be very strange
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 2:43 pm
Raisin wrote:
I would buy wine, (a couple of cases at least) matza, maybe some meat roasts. Chocolate, desserts, nice fruit. Perhaps you can buy these locally so you don't have to shlep, or order online. There are kosher meat companies that deliver all over the us. eg grow and behold.

Squishy, maybe you are very well off. I love hosting family over yom tov, but we are really not well off so any contribution to the groceries is really appreciated. Some family spent yom tov with me recently and he went shopping with me and paid the supermarket bill.

Some people might find it offensive to be given cash, but wine, chocolates and really any food item are acceptable hostess gifts.


I may be off here, but isn't your husband a pulpit rabbi? When we go to someone who has a shul, we always give a solid donation. At least it preserves the fiction we aren't paying for our stay. I like the idea of paying the bill rather than giving cash.

I have also sent a couple of cases of chicken to someone my husband stayed with in EY. I try to find a gift like that. As I said, we bring the wine, grape juice, matzo. Chocolate and flowers are more problematic.
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amother
Honeydew


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 3:13 pm
Squishy wrote:
I may be off here, but isn't your husband a pulpit rabbi? When we go to someone who has a shul, we always give a solid donation. At least it preserves the fiction we aren't paying for our stay. I like the idea of paying the bill rather than giving cash.

I have also sent a couple of cases of chicken to someone my husband stayed with in EY. I try to find a gift like that. As I said, we bring the wine, grape juice, matzo. Chocolate and flowers are more problematic.


My father was a rabbi. Family money and shul money were totally separate. Guests brought us the standard hostess gifts - wine, serving dishes etc.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 3:21 pm
amother wrote:
My father was a rabbi. Family money and shul money were totally separate. Guests brought us the standard hostess gifts - wine, serving dishes etc.


I guess it depends. Sometimes the shul and Rabbi money are totally intertwined. If someone is on a salary versus doing all their own fund raising.
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amother
Lime


 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 3:23 pm
Squishy wrote:
I may be off here, but isn't your husband a pulpit rabbi? When we go to someone who has a shul, we always give a solid donation. At least it preserves the fiction we aren't paying for our stay. I like the idea of paying the bill rather than giving cash.

I have also sent a couple of cases of chicken to someone my husband stayed with in EY. I try to find a gift like that. As I said, we bring the wine, grape juice, matzo. Chocolate and flowers are more problematic.


Giving money to a shul is in no way helpful. If I was making yom tov for your whole family and you gave a donation in my honor it would be nice but not the point of a hostess gift at all!! And it certainly would do absolutely nothing to help with the cost of making pesach or help with the work involved if that is what you are trying to do
Rabbis get a salary. It has nothing to do with the donations that come in
Id rather give the hostess and host something that they can get some tangible pleasure from.


Last edited by amother on Mon, Feb 12 2018, 12:25 pm; edited 1 time in total
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Mar 26 2017, 3:28 pm
baby12x wrote:
Giving money to a shul is in no way helpful. If I was making yom tov for your whole family and you gave a donation in my honor it would be nice but not the point of a hostess gift at all!! And it certainly would do absolutely nothing to help with the cost of making pesach or help with the work involved if that is what you are trying to do
Rabbis get a salary. It has nothing to do with the donations that come in
Id rather give the hostess and host something that they can get some tangible pleasure from.


Not every Rabbi gets a salary by far. The shuls I go to the Rabbi and the shul are one entity. When the daughters need new dreses for Pesach, it comes out of the same budget that cleans the house and cleans the shul. The budget for the shul kiddish comes out of the same pocket as the sedurs.
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