How do you stretch the dollar?

amother

Lemon

Wed, Mar 29 2017, 9:28 pm

Where do you live (if you feel comfortable saying please do)? I would like to live in such a place. I so need to move.

lquote="amother"]I can't argue or agree because I don't know every single person you've ever met in Lakewood. All I can say is that I don't live in Lakewood, haven't ever lived there and don't plan on it. We live OOT and it is a very different attitude here. People in general are simpler, dress much simpler, have simpler Simchas etc. I can get away with it here and still have a happy family.
I actually grew up very similar to the way I am raising my children and no one in my family is OTD bH or has the hang ups you mentioned.[/quote]

amother

Apricot

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 12:12 am

amother wrote:

So would you keep having children while living in your 2 bedroom apartment? As it is where do they all sleep? Would you pick up more hours at work to be able to afford more appropriate living conditions?

We wouldn't not have another just because we live in our current apartment, but we are saving up for a house. We actually have quite a bit in savings, we put a nice amount in the bank each month when I was working full time and had fewer/younger children - we lived below our income. And we aren't dipping into that money currently But we are not ready to buy yet for other reasons, so for now we are happy where we are.

amother

Apricot

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 12:21 am

We have 5 in one bedroom (for now the genders work because it's mostly girls) and the baby with me. It's not a forever solution but I can technically fit 2 more into my apartment if Hashem so blesses me before we are able to move. The kids sleep in the master bedroom and it can fit three bunkbeds. My babies I keep in my room till somehwere between 12-18 months, and I'd do that even if I lived in a mansion.

I wish I could share where I live, but honestly I think I already gave away way too many details. But amother Lemon - there are lots of OOT communities across the US and Canada that have similar values, each one is a bit different so you have to research and find the community that sounds like the best fit for your family.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 3:22 am

OP, you are doing amazing with the grocery budget!

Tuition and rent are the biggest ones, and those are the ones that are the least negotiable. Sad

I feel for you. That's the main reason I made Aliyah, aside from idealism. Something to think about for the future, maybe.

Chabad schools are generally more willing to work with you regarding tuition, if you're willing to switch. If your kids are thriving, I understand that you won't want to move them.

It won't hurt to have kids crammed in a bedroom, with the opposite gender kids in the living room. Tons of people do it, and the kids turn out just fine. (It's an Israeli thing, and very common. No one thinks it's weird here.)

The most important thing, is that your kids feel loved. They won't remember about expensive clothes, but they for sure will remember whether you are stressed out, or relaxed and affectionate. Happy parents make happy kids.

The way I handled it with DD, was to model GRATITUDE at every turn. "Who is rich? The one who is satisfied with what they have." Hashem makes sure we get what we need, but not always what we think we want. Remind them that B'H there is food on the table, shoes on their feet, warm blankets, and a roof over their heads. There are so many people living on the streets these days who don't have those luxuries.

Goodwill thrift stores, gemachs, and neighbors can help keep your kids looking nice. They don't have to match! They just have to look pulled together.

Living within your means is an amazing middah, and your kids need to learn that this is a big virtue, not something to be ashamed of in any way.

DD has friends who come from rich families, and have all the "stuff" they could ever want. She also sees that some of these kids are starving for attention, and their parents compensate by buying them things. DD feels very sorry for these kids, and her friends come over to our cluttered, small apartment, and say things like "I wish your mom would adopt me!" Why? Because our house is full of love, acceptance, and warmth. Money can't buy that!

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 4:01 am

A lot of these answers are all well and good when your kids are younger.

Yes, high school tuition is more.
No, I cannot find my teenage children $15 dresses and suits
Yes, teens eat a LOT
No, the different genders can't really share a room anymore

People's suggestions are really great for younger children. Buy the sale rack at children's place. Keep your toddlers in your room with you. Serve XYZ dinners. But in a few years when your kids are older these are no longer practical. If you have younger children, daven now that your salary goes up as they get older because your expenses certainly will.

FranticFrummie

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 4:16 am

amother wrote:

Yes, teenagers are VERY expensive! The good news, is that you can encourage them to make money by babysitting, doing Pesach cleaning, lawn mowing, etc. I would be thrilled to hire a teenager, and I'm sure a lot of other people would, too.

Ask your teens to pick one basic color like black or navy, and one "favorite" color. Insist that everything fall in that range, so you can buy fewer clothes to mix and match with. Teens love a challenge, so give them a price limit, and turn them loose at the malls. You'd be amazed at how good they are at getting the most for their money, when they know that there's not going to be any extra money coming in. BTW, socks and underwear fall under this category too, so don't let them forget the basics!

DD bought "fake Converse sneakers", at half the price of the name brand. Kids at school tried to make fun of her, but she was so proud that she was able to get two pairs of the cheaper ones instead of blowing all of her money for the name brand. She thinks the other kids are dumb, and don't know how to shop.

Remind them that by setting a limit on expenses, that they will be able to afford more school trips, or whatever else motivates them. Learning to save up a little for fun things is also a great life lesson.

At the risk of repeating myself, if you model gratitude and thriftiness when they are younger, then those lessons will stick with them when they hit the "difficult, lazy, entitled" teen years. You can't just tell them once or twice to be grateful, it has to be an ongoing conversation, because every year they will be wanting to have something more, new, or trendy.

Regarding the shared bedrooms, try to reframe it. Call it a "slumber party", and it won't feel so cramped. If everyone has a cubby or a shelf that is all theirs, and no one else is allowed to touch it, then it will give them a feeling of having more privacy.

Put a positive spin on every single little thing, and it will add up to having a generally positive attitude. Just watch out, because it's contagious! You'll find that the more positive you are, even if you are totally faking it, you might find yourself being more grateful, too. Wink

farm

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 11:08 am

Some kids who grow up with these amazing non materialistic and frugal lifestyle values turn out so well and wholesome, and run their homes the same way. Others turn out bitter, or resentful, or completely obsessed with making money and having "enough" money. Often siblings who grew up in the same home end up one like one way and one the other way. So I believe the poster from Lakewood. And I believe FF. I don't think there is anyway to know if you kids can handle what you handle with regard to thriftiness. But be aware- there are some children who just simply need "more" and can't cope like Apricot. Even though she sounds (and I'm sure she truly is) amazing! It's so scary raising kids and trying to do right by each one

tichellady

Thu, Mar 30 2017, 11:11 am

farm wrote:

Totally agree with this. My husband was one of those kids. His parents have awesome values but he always felt lacking and was determined to be able to afford whatever he would want. His other siblings seem mostly fine with the status quo.