Demanding 4 year-old

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 9:51 am

My 4.5 year-old has these all-too-frequent tantrum/meltdowns where he just tries to hurt me--charges/rams his body at me or throws at me, tries to bite me or hit me all the while screaming. These tantrums last anywhere from 15mins to over a 1/2 hr. I try to simply remove him from my vicinity, but he refuses for me to leave him "alone"--even if its just outside my room in the hallway. I don't know precisely the trigger, I have some hypotheses, but no way to really prove them. I've tried all that I know about behavior management, doesn't seem to work. I will say "if you throw x you will leave the room" He will still throw it, and scream louder when I remove him from the room.

amother

Powderblue

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 1:02 pm

Its gotten worse lately. Especially now that he's bigger and stronger. It often starts with him requesting/demanding something and I will state the conditions for him acquiring the desired item--clean up x; go to the bathroom; get ready to go and that will set him off. He has control issues and if things are not on his terms, he can't handle it. He will tell me "You're a stupid Mommy, you always tell me what to do, it's not fair!" I would simply ignore him, but I often end up having to physically defend myself from some of his behaviors. He really pushes my husband and I to the brink.

Iymnok

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 1:31 pm

The easiest quickest method is 1-2-3 Magic.
A clear "not right now" will work better than conditions. But you have to work in a way for him to get it that he'll accept.
A negative reaction to your "no" is a "1". A repeat or escalation is a "2". More? A three and a five minute time out (or time out alternative).
I find the method very effective and the kids happier with the structure and consistency.

saw50st8

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 2:32 pm

amother wrote:

Try reading "The Explosive Child" - it sounds like it would be beneficial for your child.

amother

Vermilion

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 4:15 pm

I recommend "rasiing your difficult child " workbook by howard Glasser. helps my demanding 4 yr old!

FranticFrummie

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 4:24 pm

Has he been tested for PANDAS?

4 year olds can be notoriously difficult, but that level of violence is unusual.

gibberish

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 4:48 pm

Iymnok wrote:

I find that this method often backfires on many difficult children and just makes things worse. The Explosive Child and Glasser's methods are more effective with difficult children and teach them better ways to cope.

mha3484

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 4:57 pm

I have found the explosive child method to be great but we first had to deal with my sons impulsivity. We can problem solve all day long but if hes set off and cant control his impulses then it wont work. Now that we have made more progress on that front I am finding his method to really work.