Devorah Samet | Imamother

amother

Violet

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 11:07 am

HI! I got a phone call from my daughters (6 yr old - 1st grade) teacher at this time of the year (I wonder where they were till now) that theyre having major issues with her, shes just not the typical kid, She doesnt follow rules, and is very restless in class. To me it sounds like shes a typical fun, active, attention seeking kid (just like I was and never had or needed therapy back in those days and grew up just fine) Academically she is doing great bh! (or maybe too great and is finding herself bored) I dont know if im in the mood of spending so much money now on issues like this. My son had similar issues and I pumped in a whole bunch of money for therapy and vitamins and I cant say it helped one bit! my personal opinion is that my kids will outgrow it iyh just like we all did 20 years ago without all this intervention. BUT, if someone can tell me that they had good experience and it made their life easier with their particular kid maybe I would invest some money and make my life easier cuz she definitely is from my harder kids in the house as well...

amother

Seashell

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 5:02 pm

debsey wrote:

I don't get it. Her prices went up to reflect a degree that she doesn't actually have yet? How does that work?

Debsey...cmon... You don't know how Lakewood works by now LOL

You don't charge fair market value.. You charge based on what your expenses are..

I took a Shaitl maintenance course in Lakewood for 300$ and met some nice ladies and learned a little...
Then I watched a few videos on treif youtube and took a course for about 50$ in the city and learned a ton more... But I had to be in a non-yeshivish environment...

seeker

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 8:11 pm

About price: It's pretty much a supply and demand function. If she can get business at a higher price, then she may as well charge it. There's also a time factor - besides the completion of the degree, people often raise their rates as they gain more experience and knowledge that adds value to their service.

About what Octopus said about the severity of issues: I'm not going to make any snap judgments here without knowing anything about OP's situation, but I'm inclined to agree with Octopus. Devorah Samet is supposed to be a behavior specialist. Degree or not, I'm sure her services aren't cheap - I remember a school I worked in using her as a consultant about ten years ago and it was considered a specialized service. Could be your school is an exception but most people I know wouldn't refer you to a behavior intervention specialist for a kid who's just a little lively and hard to manage. On the other hand, it's also a little strange that this is their recommendation - why wouldn't they first say that she should be evaluated through the dept of ed or equivalent private eval? It's strange to suddenly hear in April that there are "major issues." Is this really the first time they've brought this up? I think we're missing a lot of this story - either on OP's end or on the school's end.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Apr 04 2017, 11:42 pm

To me it seems like the teacher is not fully educated in this field and has by chance heard that D.S. deals with behavior challenges, and therefore suggested her.

How is your child's behavior at home? Very challenging as well?

I would imagine if a child's behavior is so unmanageable in school that she would need to work with D.S., then her behavior at home would somehow reflect that even if on a smaller scale.

If the behavior is only that challenging in school and regular difficult child at home, she probably does not need D.S. who has an extremely rigid behavioral approach.

But I do not know the full story so take with a grain of salt.

amother

White

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 12:02 am

First of all, I don't know your child, her teacher nor Devorah Samet.
I just want to share what happened to my child in school (not in Lakewood). My 1st grade DD is a very good kid, but a bit bossy, charming, and super smart. I got a call literally every week from her morah that she's not doing work, she's chatting and 'plotting'( a 7 yr old, plotting, really!?) with other classmates, etc. I kept giving her ideas of what to do to help my DD, she refused to implement a single one. This went on until Chanukah when I said don't call me unless you're ready to try to work with her. She only wanted me to work with her at home, but nothing during school. I explained that I am talking to her and working with her, but I"m not in school, so I can't modify her behavior there.
I repeatedly asked for a behaviorist to observe her, nothing.
I called the principal a few times, finally she agreed to observe my dd. She called back after a week saying she has zero idea why the teacher keeps calling, my kid is doing very well in school. She says my DD is a lively bubbly girl, who has absolutely no issues.
Never heard back from her again.
I actually did meet the morah, and spoke to other women who know her; she is a very sour, bitter, harsh person, and actually does not belong being a first grade morah. The sad thing is that my DD hates school, which is a shame for a first grader.
Bottom line, teachers don't always do the right thing, they get panicky , they might be inexperienced, or eager to put the issues onto the child/home when really the kid is normal.
So maybe your child needs help, maybe not. I certainly know to be extra aware of my dd and school. But maybe it is an overreaction.

Anon bec I discussed this irl with a few ppl. to get their perspectives.

ValleyMom

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 12:27 am

I'm a primary school teacher so I feel compelled to speak from a teacher with experience...

Kids are KIDS- they are meant to be chatty, lively, wiggly, cheerful, energetic people.

Teachers that cannot embrace a child's innate personality should NOT be teaching in the primary grades.

Teachers should be engaged in professional development several times a year in order to keep up to date on educational trends.

I teach ALL boys and I LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do.

Then they move on to the next grade and I hope the next teacher can embrace their whole personality and appreciate every child as much as I do- otherwise don't teach young children.

amother

Violet

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 8:22 am

OP Here..
Thanks all for your kind words... My child is definitely not as bad as youve been explaining a child that would need Devorah Samets help BH. Yes, she is challenging at home too.. just because shes not the typical serious goody goody kid... NO she does not follow rules all the time.. probably only 80% and im fine with that... I know shes a child, a lively one and will outgrow this behavior iyh.
on a side note, I just spoke to her yiddish teacher (the english teacher was the one with the complaints.) and she was raving about all the stickers my daughter got (for a contest of following with hagadah, my daughter got 35, the most another kid got was 40.) that I should know that she deserved every single one and that she followed so beautifully with the hagada and always follows and davens beautifully too and told me that she really came a long way from the beginning of the year. When I told her about what the english teacher said and that they want me to pump so much money into this kid she didnt say I dont need to... (well of course shes not gonna contradict the other teacher) But she did say thats a lot of money and said she can see the english teachers complaint. She said that by recess and lunch she can act different than the typical kid... shell mix together all ingredients by lunch... she doesnt get scared when sent to a principal (I said well shes young and doesnt understand to be scared of a principal) I also told her that the min shes out of a classroom setting I guess she likes to give off all her energy... So it didnt sound from her like I really need to invest all that money in her now. I said after pesach lets be in touch daily and give me daily scenarios of what was "different" with her and ill handle it like that... makes sense???

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 10:31 am

amother wrote:

Did you ask the English teacher to do this as well? These are all good questions you are asking- you are trying to pinpoint if your daughter is just a normal, active girl, or if she is exhibiting any abnormal behavior. Also find out if it's affecting her socially. Are any girls avoiding her because she is too wild and impulsive? But you shouldn't only get information from the morning teacher who has no major issues with her.

If the teachers do you give you daily updates, please be aware that it is not an easy thing for a teacher to do, and express your appreciation accordingly. I had a situation with my own daughter when I had to speak to her Morah daily for about 2 months until the situation was resolved (with charts and prizes on my end), and I am so grateful to the teacher for having the patience to deal with it.

seeker

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 10:36 am

Your response makes sense. By all means get a record of concerning behaviors.

The differing responses from the two teachers are helpful in terms of getting a fuller picture but don't really mean anything on their own because of how subjective they seem. It seems like we're looking at two different approaches that both have merit, and instead of trying to figure out who's right you can try to pull the best from each: the Hebrew teacher's positive and accepting attitude and encouragement (which dd seems to respond well to) and the English teacher's vigilance to look into a potential problem proactively. Doesn't mean you need to hire the person she suggests or look for some nuclear solution, but it would probably be a good idea to keep an eye on things and consider an outside evaluation at some point.

Meanwhile, since the English teacher is the one with the complaint and the Hebrew teacher is doing ok, perhaps there is some way to respectfully suggest that someone within the school observe the class and offer suggestions on how the teacher can improve her classroom behavior management. That should anyway be the first line of action before referring a child to a specialist.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 10:39 am

I also want to add
You said that the Hebrew teacher said your daughter has come a long way from the beginning of the year. Did this teacher discuss the issues your daughter was having at the beginning? Is her behavior right now actually appropriate, or is it just better than it used to be?

I once taught a child with serious behavioral issues and the mother was reluctant to get her tested. By the middle of the year, I was praising the child to the mother saying how much she had improved. The mother said, "You see, I knew I shouldn't have bothered testing her." That taught me a huge lesson because the girl's behavior was still not on grade level . (She used to be getting out of her seat every five minutes and now it was only 3 times a day. .. Was getting into fights only a few times a week, instead of daily...) It taught me to be honest with parents even when it is so much easier and more pleasant to talk about how much their child is improving.