Favoring some adult married children over others

pause

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 1:50 pm

amother wrote:

Squishy I disagree.

The non squeaking wheel might also be in need of maintenance just like the squeaking wheel.....

The way to see that is by haveing a connection with your children.

My dh comes from a family of 11 siblings.
His father had a part of his private notepad, where he noted to himeslf of the things he sees his kids need help with. He has helped them often hinself with wjat he could, (NOT equally) but for the things he couldn't change, he would keep it with him and daven for them.

Most of these things were not things his kids "told" him. He had a connection with his children and he picked up on it.
And when his children came asking for help he was always trying to the best of his ability.

Non of his kids are the "lazy and let someone else do the work" kind of poeple.

His children will only ask for help if there was no food. Or stuff like that.

That sounds beautiful for a parent to be so tuned into their children's lives and needs!

33055

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 2:26 pm

pause wrote:

Can you get this out of your head (and out of my mouth)? NOT EQUALLY!!!

Compensation for a perceived weakness is veeeeeeeeery tricky because sometimes the perception is skewed by years and years of negative affirmations. I mentioned this in passing in an earlier post: What makes something a weakness? Fore example, there's someone who is lazy while the parents see the same person as incapable (and needing help). Or someone who is overwhelmed while the parent sees the same person as competent (and not needing help). A lot of perception is based on history of how that person has performed in the past. It's hard for parents to see beyond the picture they've always known.

All those scenarios I presented were within my family.

My parents were aware who needed what. They certainly were not oblivious. Ivcome from a large family. Some of us so much better than my parents ever did. One couple makes more a year than my parents earned in a lifetime. Do they even need anything other than a token. I have another brother who is wealthy. He is jealous off what anyone was given. He is miserable unless he is given the most.

My sister who has the perceived weakness received a lot of jewelry and a lot nicer clothes than me even for my occasions. My mother's thoughts were to even things up. I got a lot of attention without things, and she faded into the background. Were my parents wrong? It happens I didn't notice for years.