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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
amother
Powderblue
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 4:54 pm
My husband works a very demanding job, albeit from home. He also has a business he runs on the side ,which eats up whatever free time he has. We have 3 school age kids and a baby at home. Because my husband cannot help me at all ,and because we can afford it, we have live in help for the baby and cleaning help once a week. I still do all the cooking, shopping,cleaning,laundry,kid related appts, hw,school carpool, etc. I don't work.
Recently, a new neighbor moved to our block and I went over with a plate of cookies to say hello. She was very nice, we played Jewish geography,and, in the process of introducing ourselves,I mentioned the above situation. We also exchange numbers.
A few days later, she texted me to ask how much I pay for my live in and cleaning lady, respectively. I said that it's $620 a week for both because I thought that she was asking so she can compare local prices.
A few days after the text, she asked me if we can give money to her father for Pesach.He bought an apt for her younger sister's wedding recently and is short on cash. It happens to be that we are helping both of our parents with pesach expenses, but for the sake of peace, I gave her a check for $180. She looked at the amount and said:" But that's less then you pay for help weekly and you don't even work!" I was very taken aback and didn't know how to respond. Today she saw me bringing in my Pesach shopping and asked how I am doing, so I said that I am tired. She went on a whole tirade about being happy and grateful,and that since I have so much help, I have no reason to be tired. How it's baal tachlich to have so much help, etc. I am shocked and not sure what to say. Just a vent, very strange situation.Anonymous since another neighbor was outside simultaneously
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Blessing1
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 4:59 pm
Omg just omg! No words, I'm speechless!! This tops the case! Even if we try to give her benefit of the doubt it's hard to find benefit!!
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amother
Gray
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 4:59 pm
Well... She obviously has issues beyond being nosy. Definitely don't take it personally. I would refrain from sharing any personal information with her in the future- just keep things very very superficial so she has less to work off of. Don't get sucked into her manipulation when it comes to giving either.
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cnc
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 4:59 pm
I would distance myself as much as possible from such a person. You're not required to excuse or explain yourself . If she gives you such a speech just thank her for her opinion and walk away.
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notshanarishona
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:02 pm
I would tell her no next time she asks about ur finance. Don't share any info with that type of person
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amother
Powderblue
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:05 pm
This is op. If a neighbor asks you how much some thing is,it's hard to not answer,especially face to face.
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cnc
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:08 pm
amother wrote: | This is op. If a neighbor asks you how much some thing is,it's hard to not answer,especially face to face. |
You can tell her you prefer not to answer such questions. I probably would have answered the amount but as soon as she did what she did....I would dissociate myself from her.
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OOTforlife
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:10 pm
This lady is way out of line. I wouldn't do her any favors or give her a cent more.
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amother
Seashell
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:11 pm
amother wrote: | This is op. If a neighbor asks you how much some thing is,it's hard to not answer,especially face to face. |
So maybe first ask them why they want to know. Or just tell tjem you really don't feel comfortable talking about finances.
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Reesa
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:18 pm
Her attitude is obnoxious and tactless. She's oozing with jealousy. Unless she's just socially off......
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amother
Blue
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:22 pm
that's just pure chutzpah to expect you to give tzedaka to her causes and a slap back when she said it wasn't enough. You don't owe her anything. It was extremely nice of you to give that amount. I would stay away from her in the future and ignore her.
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amother
Powderblue
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:32 pm
This is OP. The neighbor is from a culture where it's more socially acceptable to discuss finances then it is in the US. I will def not give tzedaka to her again. I really didn't appreciate the baal tashlich speech at all,especially in front of mt other neighbor. Very embarrassing
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Ilovemaryland
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:41 pm
If someone asks me intrusive questions, I just ask them intrusive questions right back. In other words I just answer a question with a question. They usually walk away. Busy bodied don't like a taste of their own medicine
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Seas
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:44 pm
The neighbor OP described isn't 'nosy', she's just plain rude.
I'd tell her to mind her own business.
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amother
Plum
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:45 pm
That's just ridiculous! I'm also a SAHM with a live in because my husband works very long hours and is actually away approximately 10 days a month (I pay somewhat more because she also cleans, so I basically have cleaning help every day) and I have been on the receiving end of some pretty ridiculous stuff as well, though I think your story takes the cake. Yes, I'm very fortunate bh to be able to afford all the help even though I'm not working, but that doesn't mean that I have nothing to do all day or that I have no problems in my life or that I can afford something else you think I should be able to. While we are obviously financially comfortable, our money is finite. We don't eat out or go on lavish vacations and such. We're actually quite frugal on just about everything else- I shop sales for food and clothing, have no problem dressing my kids in hand me downs, our home is not large at all, we bought our cars used and plan to keep them until it makes more sense to buy again than to fix. We choose to splurge on the amount of help we have. I never got the logic of "if you can afford x you can afford y". How do you know they have anything left over after x?
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browser
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:50 pm
Very socially off, among other things.
So so rude
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 5:51 pm
Wait - not to be nosy but you have a live in AND a cleaning lady who you are paying $620 per week. And you do your own laundry??? I thought april fools was a few days ago.....
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amother
Powderblue
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Wed, Apr 05 2017, 6:06 pm
To the amother above,yes,I do my own laundry. I have cleaning help once a week,she does heavy cleaning and laundry. That's $120 a week. My live in watches my baby,and does things like sweeping,dusting,dishes but not laundry. It's what was agreed upon and is reasonable for my location
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