How do I get my kids on my team??

busymother

Wed, Apr 05 2017, 10:06 pm

When I was growing up I loved pesach! The whole family would clean together... ok that's not true. Maybe I just loved cleaning and organizing, but the kitchen was definitely a family project that we all enjoyed. My kids resent when I ask them to do anything, I can't stand it! I sat down in the playroom and started cleaning and told the kids if they want shabbos party they need to help me clean the room. 2dd loves cleaning so she helped, 7ds sat down to read, 4ds started to play, 13dd played while she cleaned so she ended up putting away like 5 things, 11ds and 9dd found something to throw tantrums about so they just pouted At wits end

Similar situation repeats all the time.
No one helped me do anything yet for pesach besides my begging pleading and bribing. I am so overwhelmed! and no one dares play with the little ones lest they actually let me get something done! Anyone BTDT and have real advice or is the situation helpless??

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 8:07 am

busymother wrote:

I sat down in the playroom and started cleaning and told the kids if they want shabbos party they need to help me clean the room.

Instead of asking them to help you clean the "room" can you give them specific jobs? 13 DD job is to vacuumn the couch.. 8 yo is to do the Lego etc etc.. alternatively, you can make a list of things that need to be done and let them choose. Ex: legos, blocks, couch, trucks etc
If they all have their job, picking up 5 random things is not good enough, and they'll be able to understand that because if their job is the trucks ALL the trucks need to be put away. (Or it doesn't count). You can even give more than 1 job to each child depending on age and on how difficult the job is.

Disclaimer: this is coming from the kid who only put away 5 toys IF I was asked to "clean up the room". I do very well with specific instructions. If u give me a small goal at a time, something where I won't lose focus, because the project is so humongousI do much better.

Happy cleaning!

amother

Turquoise

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 8:12 am

busymother wrote:

No one helped me do anything yet for pesach besides my begging pleading and bribing. I am so overwhelmed! and no one dares play with the little ones lest they actually let me get something done!

How do you bribe them?
Can you make a list of activities for the little ones, and tell you daughter, I need 3 hours of interrupted time to prepare for pesach. You can reward her by going out with her perhaps?

Hugs! I'm just trying to brainstorm you may be doing these things already!

FranticFrummie

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 8:18 am

amother wrote:

THIS! I used to manage an after school play group, and part of my job was making sure that the toy room was organized at the end of the day. How do you herd 8 preschoolers into cleaning up? I assigned them colors, or specific toys. One day, I would assign one kid to all blue toys, one to all red toys, etc. Another day I would assign one kid dolls, another to cars, another to blocks. Another day, I would make it a race, and see who filled up their assigned basket the fastest.

Some days I would reward with organic, dye free lollipops, another day I would send home a nice mitzva letter. By mixing it up, I kept the kids interested and motivated. They never knew what cleanup would be like, so it was always an adventure.

Another tactic was to ask each kid "What job do you hate the most?" and then ask the group "Who wants a mitzva?" and the other kids would clamor to take over the hated job.

This may not work all the time with older kids, but you can try variations on it, depending on your kid's personality and age. With a wide range of ages, you can't rely on a single motivator. You have to appeal to what motivates each individual kid, and go from there.

Try IOU coupons, like "one extra hour of screen time", or "stay up as late as you want". DD loved coupons! Another great trick, is to hide quarters around the house. As the kids clean, they get to keep the money they find, as long as that area is actually cleaned. Sofa cushions are self-rewarding. Wink

benny

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 8:25 am

Agree with the above posts. I find with my kids if I make a list of jobs that need to get done and they each choose what they want, they do it. It's very overwhelming for them to look at a whole huge mess or room and just clean. It's very unfulfilling because there's no easy end goal. Give them something tangible to focus on and feel accomplished about. And praise praise praise even if you don't feel
What they did was so great. They'll want to spend more time helping.

Iymnok

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 9:05 am

My sister has a great idea that really works. Write down each job on a slip of paper. But really break it down. These are all things even a three year old could do (with minimal help)
Fold two sheets
Sweep half the living room
Wash the plates
Wash the silverware
Wipe down two cabinets
Put away the clean skirts
Wash a chair
Find and put away all shoes
Dust the bookshelves
Wipe a sink
Clean a mirror
Match socks

It's not hard to come up with more. She gives a chocolate lentil for each task. To add excitement, she added, eat 2 c. lentils! She does it every Thursday night.
Have two ziplock bags, after a job is done, it's put in the second bag. Every morning here everyone had to pick three jobs. It's great! I didn't realize that my daughters love washing dishes, I haven't washed them in two days!

Blue jay

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 9:17 am

Give them interesting things to clean instead of putting toys away ( you can add that in later)

For example;

cleaning the fridge with water mixed with vinegar or dish soap diluted in a spray bottle. My DD took this one on she is 11 years old.

This chore was a BIG help to me because, bending and cleaning the fridge is really hard on my back!

Spray mop is also fun and interesting for the little ones and they actually do help! Show them the dirty spots and watch them disappear!

Make it fun in the beginning, focus on small and helpful tasks. keep baskets for toys and have a toy cleanup race. whoever fills up the basket first is the winner and gets "Bragging Rights"

Also, put your kids on the payroll. Give them a base allowance. Tell them their earnings will go up based on their production.

If they do not cooperate, tell them they still have to do their jobs but they will not get any compensation. ( but I would keep this idea for last because, with proper motivation the kids will be happy to help)

Blue jay

Thu, Apr 06 2017, 9:25 am

Also, I just want to add that it is soooo important for kids to help and do chores!
It really builds their character and gives them responsibility.

As a mom, I see how chores helps the middot of my children. They are always willing to help and they learn to appreciate what they have.

As a teacher, the discipline issues I had with my class disappeared (for the most part) when I gave them all jobs! 25 jobs! Watering plants, handing out pencils etc..

Ofcourse, OP you know your children best. Little by little give them more responsibility.

Also, don't forget to teach them how to cook! Start now!

amother

Cerise

Fri, Apr 07 2017, 8:26 am

I used to work as a nanny - have a ton of tips to make cleaning less of chore.
- Put on upbeat music. This makes a big difference. Stop for dance breaks once in a while too.
- Make into a game show. You are the announcer and assign tasks and have timers. Prizes for all, but big prizes for the winners (or 8 chocolates for 1st place, 6 for second place, 4 for 3rd place, etc).. Really play it up in terms of being anouncer "And now Ruchi is coming along with the big legos! But can she can that heavy box!" or "Esti was fallign behind she's pulling ahead now, racing that sponge across those coutners). The kids will find it more fun if you're all doing this together. You can also switch off the announcer role or award it to 1st place from the previous task. (the announcer gets a light or easy cleaning job) to both encourage your kids and give them a bit of a break.
- Make it a cleaning challenge - each person has to clean something in an unusual way (not good if very time sensitive, but it will make them do the whole thing). "Who can pick all the blocks, but 5 with their hands and 5 with their feet?" or "Who can bring all the toys to the toybox, but has to walk backwards to get each toy and forwards to bring it to the toybox"?
- Make the bribes a family event too - afterwards, you all sit down and have a treat together. This way they have positive associations with family time.
- You could also make the bribes a group bribe - the kids only get a treat when all of them finish their jobs. This will encourage them to help each other (warning, may cause fights in some families).

Most of all, preach about responsibility until they are so bored they'd rather clean up than listen to the rest of your speech (yeah, this works too. But it's no fun for anyone) LOL