I am so dreading this yom tov:(

groovy1224

Mon, Apr 10 2017, 9:51 am

OP, you're definitely not crazy. I laugh at the angelic seder table pictures on the covers of hagaddahs- beautifully set with silver and gleaming china and crystal glasses, wine in decanters and a perfectly set kearah...

Yeah right.

In real life, (for me at least) it's disposable (I try to use nice disposables, but still disposable), and durable cups that won't break after being knocked over multiple times. There are grape juice spills and matzah crumbs EVERYWHERE, and there are several homemade seder plates and matzah covers from the kids' projects- a far cry from the fancy one I bought DH when we were engaged. The table is cramped because of all the pillows, and all the grape juice and wine bottles, and then slowly from all the toys the kids start bringing to the table.

At this point though, I'm happy to say I wouldn't change a thing about it.

I SO understand you. You're SO tired, emotionally and physically drained, the kids are wound up.

For me, some practical tips really helped lessen the stress, some have already been mentioned here:

We all eat REAL food erev pesach. I can't come to the seder starving, and neither can my kids. We usually have meatballs and mashed potatoes, fresh fruit, chicken, quiche, non gebrokts brownies, stuff like that. Makes a HUGE difference in everyone's moods.

I set the table right after bedikas chometz. One less thing to do, and I find it helps 'get me in the mood' the whole day erev pesach, and it's so nice not to have to rush to do it after I light candles. I set the table relatively simple, as I don't like having extra plates and silverware around before shulchan orech, So just glasses and little plates, napkins, matzah cover, stuff like that.

We limit maggid to an hour and a half. Everyone doesn't have to say every dvar torah they ever heard about every paragraph. There is nothing wrong with actually saying them at other meals. We don't need to hear 30 different interpretations on what each of the 4 sons represent.

We separate the shiurim (or rather DH does) beforehand, and everyone gets a 'packet' by their place which is labelled motzei matzah, korech, etc, so there is much less handing out of marror and matzah. Everyone just needs a small piece of the main matzah, but it still cuts down on time significantly.

If a kid wants to leave them table, I let them leave. Obviously I'd love for them all to sit nicely, but it's a long time, and we'll all be in much better moods if they can blow off some steam in the playroom.

BRIBERY. This is a big one. DH gives out little treats (chocolate chips, mini marshmallows) to the kids for doing things nicely- helping to clear, helping to hand things out, sitting nicely, just general good behavior. We don't make a huge deal of it, but the kids really like it, and it helps keep their interest.

Oh, and eat lots of chocolate Wink

Fox

Mon, Apr 10 2017, 1:39 pm

I'm definitely with the OP, and I don't even have the excuse of little kids.

DH would happily sit at the seder until 4 a.m., trading lengthy, lumdishe divrei Torah and pulling out seforim. People are inspired by different things, though, and that's not what does it for me. He's certain that if he just tells one more dvar Torah, I'll change color like a chameleon to signal that I'm sufficiently inspired.

My only advice is to cut yourself some slack. Just because the seder doesn't do it for you for whatever reason doesn't mean you don't have spiritual depths. You're probably inspired by things that other people take for granted.

Sometimes we look back at these events with fond memories, and sometimes we just have to laugh and thank Hashem that we didn't maim any of our kids in the process.

amother

Navy

Mon, Apr 10 2017, 2:28 pm

No your not alone. I had difficulty with the sedorim and Yom Tov even in the good years. And this year I'm the Oni being invited by "Kol Dichfim"

I mean that literally. I had to invite myself over to someone else's seder because I couldn't make Pesach myself due to draining emotional issues. And my husband is fuming. He says he would rather eat tuna fish on plastic plates the whole Pesach than come as a beggar to someone else. But if I stay home and eat off plastic I will have a breakdown so count your blessings.