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Forum
-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Pesach
amother
Hotpink
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Sun, Apr 09 2017, 9:46 pm
Im married 7yrs bh, I moved to a new country. I never go to back home for yomtov bc it too expensive, every yomtov this really sad feeling creeps into me and I get so sad, homesick and also sad that my parents don't get any nachas from me and my kids, can anyone relate? Do these feelings ever go away?
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amother
Lavender
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Sun, Apr 09 2017, 10:26 pm
Thats so upsetting and totally makes sense. Can ur family ever come?
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toastedbagel
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 7:06 am
I hear you, I live across the world from my parents. This is my 14th Pesach married, I have spent only 3 of those with my parents, I went to them our second pesach, and they came to me twice. Also Tishrei, I've spent 2.5 with them, once at them, 1.5 times by us. BH we have numerous other visits that aren't at Yom tov time, and I try to focus on creating our own really joyous Yom tov with our own traditions - certain foods, desserts, outings, Seder schtick that our kids feel is their own.
This year was a bit more envy inducing as my husband's whole family except us and one other sibling got together from multiple countries, all the cousin time and we miss out... but BH we are involved in a communal position so we are kinda too busy to think too much about it, we just get on with it and look for the next excuse for a trip.
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amother
Cobalt
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 9:25 am
I feel for you its hard. Im married over ten years and we only spent one with my in laws who are usually a plane ride away for pesach. Its very hard in my husband to always be with my parents (complicated situation)
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amother
Plum
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 9:39 am
I feel for you. I don't live overseas from family but except for one, our siblings live in a different place, and it doesn't work out to host each other so we can be together. We're older families so it's not so practical. And parents are older so they're not up to hosting like they used to and it's too hard for them to travel to us. We spend a very short time with the one sibling I have because they're also busy with the other side of the family. I have a hard time on yom tov, even though I know I should just enjoy the time with my kids.
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amother
cornflower
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 10:55 am
Yes. I'm not so far from my family but like toastedbagel (toasted matzah?) my husband has a communal position so we can never go away for yom tov ever. My parents kah have lots of kids and they also don't like to go away for the sedarim so they never come to us for pesach, although they sometimes come for other yomim tovim. Its very hard especially when other family members get together, although most of my siblings have similar jobs so can't travel either.
But now my older kids are away in yeshiva/hogh school its fun to have them home.
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Water Stones
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 12:52 pm
I understand and feel it, too.
I move here from Europe two years ago to get married and I miss my family so much. Me and dh and our baby went to see them last July, but we can't go this summer because our new baby is due then.
I had a chance to go last month but they were planning to visit here for Pesach so I didn't go, and then they couldn't come.
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PinkFridge
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 1:15 pm
amother wrote: | Im married 7yrs bh, I moved to a new country. I never go to back home for yomtov bc it too expensive, every yomtov this really sad feeling creeps into me and I get so sad, homesick and also sad that my parents don't get any nachas from me and my kids, can anyone relate? Do these feelings ever go away? |
Here's what I've told myself: I live far from family and this a result of my marrying and creating my own b'H healthy (I hope and pray) family, which is all our parents wanted for us. That we had to do it here means missing a lot but OTOH, we're constantly bringing our parents nachas by living the Torah lives we are.
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amother
Wine
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Thu, Apr 13 2017, 1:24 pm
I totally empathize. Yom tov gives me crazy fomo. My whole family lives close to each other in the US and I am in Israel. We go once in a while but an extended stay in someone else's house is complicated too. It's tough. I just try to appreciate my husband and kids and how blessed I am to have them. I know that when I am missing my family I might feel sad but I'm never alone.
My husband is very understanding too. He knows I get a bit sad here and there around chagim and let's me reminisce and that helps too. Hugs.
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zaq
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Fri, Apr 14 2017, 1:41 am
I sympathize but what makes you say your parents have no nachas from you? Nachas consists of a whole lot more than physically getting together. Nachas is pride in your development, achievements and character. Sometimes parents can have more nachas from a child they seldom see than from one who lives in the same house with them.
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