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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Pesach
Envelope with my bonus was thrown away



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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 3:55 pm
I left it on the table yesterday and had to run out. Only realized this morning that I never put it away:( now I asked my husband if he saw it and he said he thinks he threw it away, he thought it was empty. I'm so upset at myself for not putting it away, my husband bh is so so neat and organized and that's why he's always cleaning up.....and it was cash so nothing to do to retrieve it.....so if anyone has some chizuk for my well deserved $200 trashed I'd appreciate it
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momx6




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 3:58 pm
When something like this happens, I say to myself it should be a kaparah. There's not much else to do! Sorry it happened.
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ra_mom




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 4:07 pm
I'm so so sorry about what happened! 😢 You must be feeling awful right now.
May the money come back to you somehow.
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 4:34 pm
1. It was a mistake.
2. It's done and can't be fixed.
3. I'm not minimizing $200, but in the big scheme of things, it simply won't matter.
4. You can either drag your husband down and make hime feel bad/guilty, or accept the above and move on and really be good about this because it's so easy to make a nasty comment to him about his mistake.
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amother
Mistyrose


 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 4:37 pm
Thank you for all your replies of sympathy and chizzuk. I am feeling so bad for being disorganized but I know it was meant to happen, just hard not to be upset at myself and my husband can't understand why I would not put it away immediately.....lesson learned the hard way:(
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gamanit




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 5:02 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for all your replies of sympathy and chizzuk. I am feeling so bad for being disorganized but I know it was meant to happen, just hard not to be upset at myself and my husband can't understand why I would not put it away immediately.....lesson learned the hard way:(


Honestly if he's mad at you for not putting it away he should take a look in the mirror. Why would he not check what's inside an envelope before throwing it out? It takes two seconds. Does he never put things on the table? What if it was an important paper inside? When we clean, all papers get put aside to go through later with a clear head. I'm guessing the trash was picked up by the city already?
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 5:33 pm
amother wrote:
Thank you for all your replies of sympathy and chizzuk. I am feeling so bad for being disorganized but I know it was meant to happen, just hard not to be upset at myself and my husband can't understand why I would not put it away immediately.....lesson learned the hard way:(


I feel your pain.
I assume that besides for dealing with the loss of probably a long awaited bonus, the main nisoyon you have now is to stop bashing yourself up for being disorganized and accepting yourself exactly the way you are.
What I see here is a woman who, in the hectic, innocently left an envelope idle, her husband innocently threw it out, and it doesnt even enter her mind that people in your position would be mad at thier husbands for being such neat freeks and for throwing it out.

I admire your good middos and I hope you can see yourself in this light also. Cut yourself some slack for handling a situation maturely!!


Last edited by amother on Thu, Jan 09 2020, 5:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Gray


 

Post Mon, Apr 10 2017, 5:48 pm
Every time this ever happened to me
Later that year I found or acquired the amount 5 fold or more in a very unusual way when I needed it most

One time we moved to a new house and we gad a envelop with 1600
When we came home we couldnt fibd it anywhere.
Turned the whole place upside down
Maybe the landlord took it. Nothibg else makes sense

A few years latwr we gad no idea where we would go for Pesach or how we'd afford it
One day during seder my husband found an envelope with 900 in his laptop in a hidden compartment he just discovered
A few weeks later his friend was running a nice pgm in a hotel.
He refused to take more than 900 from the 2 of us
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 11 2017, 1:44 pm
I'm loving the responses here. Emuna is the answer to everything. What you need to do now, is to reframe your upset.

1. You were recognized by your boss that your hard work was worth rewarding. You'd feel worse if you never got the bonus to begin with. At least you have the good feeling of being rewarded, and nobody can take that away from you.

2. The money was a kapparah that was taken from you in place of a much harsher decree.

3. You might have spent the money on something that would have ultimately brought you trouble (For example, if you bought expensive earrings, you might attract the attention of a purse snatcher on the street who thought you were a wealthy target. If you bought a pet dog, it would bite someone and bring you an expensive lawsuit.)

4. Perhaps a homeless person or other needy individual will dig through the trash and find it, ensuring that they have food and warm blankets.

In short, that money did not belong to you, or you shouldn't have it right now, and it will come back to you in a more auspicious time. Hashem took this money to save you from a more serious loss!

By facing this with emuna, you will merit to gain in this life, and in the World to Come. Very Happy
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imeinu




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 12 2017, 11:31 pm
gamanit wrote:
Honestly if he's mad at you for not putting it away he should take a look in the mirror. Why would he not check what's inside an envelope before throwing it out? It takes two seconds. Does he never put things on the table? What if it was an important paper inside? When we clean, all papers get put aside to go through later with a clear head. I'm guessing the trash was picked up by the city already?


disagree.
Pesach time is already a pressured time for all. Women and men. Don't pour gasoline on this situation. OP has learned her lesson, and I am sure her husband will take out of it what he needs to.
OP- you've gotten many wonderful responses here. Stay strong and use this as a growing experience. I am sorry about the loss.
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amother
Ruby


 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 12:13 am
I agree that the annoyance and beating yourself up is a bigger problem than the loss of $200.

On a related note--I was out shopping and decided to save time by buying all my last minute pesach items in one store even though they were available more cheaply elsewhere. One of my purchases was a case of "Bounty Basic" paper towel. I came home and found that bounty basic was not regular bounty paper towel--it was basically the cheap thin paper towel with the bounty label. And I had bought a whole case!! At a premium price!!!! Even though the amount I overpaid for the paper towel was maybe $5 max I still could not stop thinking about it all yom tov. I had to keep reminding myself that this degree of aggravation was not worth $5.
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amother
Brown


 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 1:52 am
I havent read all the posts but I find it hard to believe your husband threw out an envelope without looking inside.
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 7:45 am
Wow that's very upsetting. I don't think it's completely your fault though. Your husband really should've checked it before throwing out, and should be careful for the future.

Obviously, still, mistakes happen, and it's best to keep the peace and not make a fight about it.
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Simple1




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 7:48 am
amother wrote:
I agree that the annoyance and beating yourself up is a bigger problem than the loss of $200.

On a related note--I was out shopping and decided to save time by buying all my last minute pesach items in one store even though they were available more cheaply elsewhere. One of my purchases was a case of "Bounty Basic" paper towel. I came home and found that bounty basic was not regular bounty paper towel--it was basically the cheap thin paper towel with the bounty label. And I had bought a whole case!! At a premium price!!!! Even though the amount I overpaid for the paper towel was maybe $5 max I still could not stop thinking about it all yom tov. I had to keep reminding myself that this degree of aggravation was not worth $5.


This sounds like counterfeit and you should complain to the store.
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33055




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 9:13 am
Simple1 wrote:
This sounds like counterfeit and you should complain to the store.

A lot of products have more than one line. It appears to be the better product. The manufacturers make a cheaper line for Amazon, BJs, outlet stores, Black Friday ans others.
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 11:04 am
I also find it hard to believe that someone would throw away an envelope without looking inside. What about if her child's birth certificate was in there or something else important?

Op is your dh the type to say he threw it out to teach you a lesson? Is he always down your back about cleaning up and harassing you about it? Because the way you came on here blaming yourself and not mad at him at all leads me to believe that he is always down your back that you leave things all over and here he saw a perfect teaching moment to get you to always put your things away the way he wants you to.

Fro your response on here I think there is more to the story.


My dh is also a crazy neat freak and I learned to put things away before he gets to it but he would never just see an envelope and throw it out that's [crazy]. Who doesn't look inside?
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 12:44 pm
if you kindly tell me where this garbage is now ... I would be happy to dumpster dive
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sat, Apr 22 2017, 11:46 pm
Op what ended up happening? Did your husband hide it from you to teach you a lesson?
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