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Forum -> Parenting our children
Did you try attachment parenting and failed



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amother
Gray


 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 5:47 pm
So I have been reading up a bit on attachment parenting and I was wondering if there are there ppl out there that tried it and it didn't work for them.

Either you tried it and are not pleased with the way your child turned out or the relationship you have with the child.

Or you tried it and it was so stressful you realized it was actually creating a situation in which you were resentful of the child.

Also, if you do practice attachment parenting would you consider yourself an anxious person or not.

If you practiced attachment parenting with one child and not another do you see a difference in the children.
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amother
Pearl


 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 5:59 pm
I didn't with my oldest but did with my younger ones. (All school age now, youngest is 7)
My oldest is the most high strung of all of my children, she is also 15. So it's hard to know what to blame it on lol. She was a sweet child b4 the hormones hit.
I mostly practiced attachment parenting because it was easier for me (ie:babywearing because it kept my hands free to care for my other children, co-sleeping so I could get more sleep) It wasn't really an ideological thing. None of them still sleep in my bed or want to be carried around anymore so all the skeptics and naysayers were wrong LOL
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amother
Emerald


 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 6:02 pm
I wouldn't say I tried it failed so much as some aspects of it worked and others didn't. For example, breastfeeding for 2+ years works well for me. Babywearing does not. I really don't believe anything we do with infants (short of actual neglect or abuse chv) has any long term effect, I jusy do whatever helps me survive the baby years. I certainly can't tell who among my older children's peers was breastfed/for how long, who coslept, who was carried around all day etc and no one would know any of that info about my kids unless I told them.
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cm




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 6:18 pm
If by "attachment parenting" you mean trying to be attuned to your child's feelings and needs, then yes, I did this. If you mean using a checklist of what parents should do, then no. For example, co-sleeping simply did not work for us. Baby slept better in a separate room (and so did I). She was calmer through the night and more alert in the morning. By responding to her feelings and needs rather than imposing my own need to be accepted by the AP community, I think we were "attached," but some would disagree.

I have only one child, so no way to compare, but she turned out ok so far (teenager). My anxiety is mid-range: I don't have an anxiety disorder, but I'm not really a laid-back person. We have a good relationship. I'm sure there are many factors contributing to this.

Some of the AP literature makes it sound as if you don't do something "right" your child will be messed up for life - I remember something from Dr. Sears Baby Book like this...don't worry about it. If your baby is loved, well-fed and cared-for, you are doing ok. I strongly believe that breast milk, human contact and developmentally-sensitive caregiving are important and helpful, but each family needs to find the right balance.
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Chana Miriam S




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 6:29 pm
I breastfed both kids til three. I was a la leche league leader. I wasn't perfect but my children, including the autistic spectrum one are independent, intelligent, and strongly attached to both parents. Now that they are older we treat them more like peers. ASD son is 21 today. We are supportive but also have high expectations.

Did 17 does t want to go to British Columbia for university because it's too far and too expensive so she chose to go to one an hour away. But when she starts her co ops, which will be 4 months at a time, her first choice is BC, and Ger second is Hong Kong.she worked st a campin California last summer where she knew almost no one.

DS 21 spent a year in Israel and dreams of returning after he finishes community college. His first mark is about a 96.

we're we perfect? No. But we are happy with how it's all gone. Mutual respect, and an abundance of love going both ways.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 13 2017, 8:30 pm
If your children feel loved and secure, then you're doing it right - whatever it is you're doing.

DD hated to be worn or swaddled, so I made sure that she was near me at all times, even if that mean shlepping her from room to room. She quit nursing at 3 1/2 months Sad , but I bottle fed with lots of skin to skin contact.

As soon as she outgrew her crib, she started co-sleeping with me, and didn't get out of my bed until she was 12.

Everyone does attachment differently. You have to trust your instincts, and get to know your baby's personality. What works for one child, will annoy the heck out of another. You have to take your whole family dynamic into consideration, your DH, your other kids, all that and more.

If you are stressed out and worrying if you're doing it right, then you're not emotionally available for your child. Attachment should be about forming a deep connection, relaxing together, and being happy.
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