Told neighbor kid he wasn't allowed at our house. Wrong?

SixOfWands

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 1:37 pm

OP, its proximity. There are plenty of kids who wouldn't acknowledge my existence, except to maybe bully me, at school, but whom I played with all the time at home. They're not really friends, but they're nearby and available.

I'd remind the boy that he's a lot older than your son, and that there are a lot of things that your son isn't ready for yet. You'd hate to not let them hang out or play ball or whatever, so long as he remembers that.

No judgment on what the other kid does or doesn't do (my guess is that like a lot of 13 year olds, he's talking a big game about things he hasn't done or seen). That's his parents' problem, not yours.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:25 pm

amother wrote:

I'm sorry for your experience, but all the people I know knew about s-x well before 18 and all of us turned out just fine bH. I cant imagine kids these days not knowing until the age of 18 unless they're in a very strict, closed minded chassides.

I had a classmate who did not know till less than two weeks before her wedding abt zex. I found out because my rly good friend got married a week after her and they were discussing kallah classes. And she is not chasidish or anything else....
It was pretty funny cuz everyone else I know pretty much knew what it was well before they got engaged.

amother

Copper

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:37 pm

OP here. It does feel harsh to ban this kid but at the same time this isn't the only time this kid has acted or said inappropriate things. He's had plenty of warnings before about language or actions. The [filth] conversation was the last straw. He has friends down the street his age he could hang out with.

amother

Copper

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:41 pm

OP here again.

As a side note, I'm not against relations ed when appropriate. I don't expect my kid to live in a bubble. On the other hand, hanging out with a kid who is allowed on his phone/internet literally 24/7 without any oversight who clearly likes to discuss inappropriate things and watch things such as [filth], is not acceptable company for my kid.

greenfire

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:44 pm

nobody wants to feel like a pariah ... it would be more beneficial to have constructive play time out in the open than ban someone for life

as far as knowing about zex not before 18 - to that poster I say it is best to teach children about this as they go through puberty so they feel it's a normal life occurrence - as in totally normal

anything less than that could mess up a person because they feel it's wrong & feel guilty & go on to have terrible zex lives in either extreme

groisamomma

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 3:39 pm

Learning the facts of life (from a friend, parent, or whomever) is entirely different than the [filth] and other things that this child is telling OP's son.

Tichellady, sometimes parents have to make decisions that may inadvertently hurt other people, in order to protect their child's emotional well-being. This 13-year-old is teaching him about [filth] and OP is putting her child's mental health and future relationships ahead of the other child whose parents are unfortunately not getting him the help he needs.

Allowing them to play together because the other child needs a friend and listening ear can come later, after OP explains her reasons to his parents and they get him help. If they are in the process of doing that, kol hakavod, but OP is certainly allowed to wait it out until she decides it's okay for her son to be in his sphere of influence.

If a parent is ever in this position I should hope we would put our child's emotional needs first, while working on getting the other child the help he needs. They can be friends later, once the 13-year-old got that listening ear he needed to help him straighten out.

cnc

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 3:43 pm

groisamomma wrote:

Put aside the issurn of age and s*x education. Learning the facts of life (from whomever) is entirely different than the [filth] and what-not this child is telling OP'so son.

Tichellady, sometimes parents have to make decisions that may inadvertently hurt other people, in order to protect their child's well-being. This 13-year-old is teaching him about [filth] and OP is putting her child's mental health and future relationships ahead of the other child whose parents are unfortunately not getting him the help he needs.

Allowing them to play together because the other child needs a friend and listening ear can come later, after OP explains her reasons to his parents and they get him help.

If a parent is ever in this position I should hope we would put our childs emotional needs first, while working on getting the other child the help he needs. They can be friends later, once the 13-year-old got that listening ear he needed to help him straighten out.

I thought the debate was about damage control and giving her son the facts of life to try to rectify the sx ed that the neighbor gave him. Otherwise IIRC her son is ten years old- and I wouldn't give him all the facts of life just yet.

groisamomma

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 3:45 pm

cnc wrote:

Oh, I understood the title to mean is OP wrong for banning the neighbor's child. That's what my post was addressing.

tichellady

Sun, Apr 16 2017, 5:12 pm

groisamomma wrote:

Of course but it doesn't sound like the op was addressing the issues. She just told the boy he is not allowed in her house. That doesn't sound like what you are describing at all. It doesn't sound like she explained this to her son either