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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Write the real truth?
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 9:42 am
I also have to mention that Ds is pretty popular and has a lot of pride. It bothers him so much because it wouldn't look good for him to bring back the chart the way it is
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iyar




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:08 am
amother wrote:
I also have to mention that Ds is pretty popular and has a lot of pride. It bothers him so much because it wouldn't look good for him to bring back the chart the way it is


Great learning opportunity for a proud popular child.
Be proud of who you really are and what you really did.
That cute face and the ability to be the fastest runner and highest jumper you got from Above. The coolest new knapsack and sneakers your parents bought.
You are the one who helped peel apples Erev Pesach, who took out your siddur and davened the first two days Yom Tov (even if you forgot the next two days), who kept little brother quiet while Mommy rested (even though you refused to share your new scooter with him later), who sat so nicely through Maggid at the seder, and who tells the truth to Rebbi about what you did and what you didn't do.
Hang up the chart where he can see it. Make it his and make him proud of it. And don't have this little talk when it's time to run to the school bus.
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amother
Saddlebrown


 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:15 am
You should not lie. He has to realize that if he didn't do it, there are consequences which is he may not get a prize/ticket.....

My son also didnt do the things on his sheet and I wanted to be on top of him""" so that he wont regret it when other kids get tickets and not him, but I was too exhausted and he just didn't want to do it, so ill explain to my son that since you chose not to do it, you will not get a ticket.

I do feel bad but I also know that at a certain point, kids have to learn there are consequences for their choices and I believe 8 is old enough that if you remind him, he must start learning responsibility for his choices. It shouldn't all be on the mom to constantly"nag" him at 8 yrs old.

But if you write he did it when he didn't really do it, you will teach him that he doesn't have to do anything because he can always lie and say he "did it" when he really didn't do it.
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unexpected




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:41 am
I am one of the parent who lies. I explain to my child that the reason why the Rebbe sends home the chart is because he wants the child to accomplish as much as he is capable of over yom tov. If I as his parent feels that he did accomplish that, I am allowed to fill in the chart...
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sneakermom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 10:52 am
These charts are ridiculous. Let's give these kids some air to breathe without documenting, measuring and publicizing their every move.

Back in the day when we were little yom Tov was family time. If your family was the type to expect a child to daven shacharis, mussof, mincha, marriv, daily tehillim, etc. Then that's what you did. Otherwise you played a whole bunch and soaked in thé yom tov atmosphere, and davened here and there as well.
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seeker




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 12:33 pm
He seems comfortable with the idea of just not bringing it back. He's not asking for the lie and he's embarrassed of the alternative. He's willing to forgo the prize. He's 8 years old and has plenty of time to make long term decisions about his religious habits.

LET IT GO. It will become a non issue on its own.
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CatLady




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 1:42 pm
If the chart is optional, then he has the right to opt out. As long as he is confident in his decision, I'd be cool with it. Fudging the facts to make it look like he participated would not be acceptable, OTOH.
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amother
Vermilion


 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:07 pm
I despise these charts.

And I tell my children that their teacher is in charge of them at school and I am in charge at home. And when they bring home these insane sheets like daven at shul all freakin' day on yom kippur or daven every extra tefilla on yomtov to get a prize and my kid will be the only one who didn't sign it, I tell them that I modify the charts based on what *I* think is what my children need to do at home. Because I am in charge at home. And then I sign that darn sheet.

My mother used to be all tell the truth and can't lie and while I certainly admire it and believe myself to be a law abiding citizen, I always felt so stupid that I couldn't get those extras. My mother changed her mind when it came to her grandchildren after reading a letter in one of the Jewish publications (like mishpacha or yated) where some rabbi wrote in to answer this very topic and told every one to lie. Now she's like just give the kid the prize! So I do Smile
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 2:16 pm
He's 8. He should be the one taking responsibility. I never thought to be embarrassed not to make anyone "do anything". But again, I'm in a different culture. I'm rarely asked what we do at home except for the obvious homework.
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 5:35 pm
life isn't an ALL or NOTHING ... there is a BALANCE

see what he can do for the last days & fill that out & return it ... something is better than nothing imho
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Leahh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 5:42 pm
I should really start a spinoff but I would like to stop these charts. All they do is cause stress and parents to lie. For what? Who gains?
How can we get teachers to stop sending these stupid charts home?
My son brings it home and it's for the whole yeshiva, not just his class. So he has the same chart as an eight grader that is expected to Daven with a minyan 3 x a day. Why is it fair that he's competing for points the same way an older boy is?
I'm so mad about these stupid charts! I want them to stop!
Sorry for my rant.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Apr 16 2017, 7:03 pm
I'm with Amother Vermillion. I am that hated parent that announces to the teacher at Back-to-School Night that she turns us all into liars Monday mornings if our kids didn't complete the whole chart.

I make my opinion known and then I do it *my* way. My older DD tosses hers the minute she comes home but for my little ones I lose the chart and write a general, lovely handwritten note about how proud I am so they still get the prize.

They are all beautiful daveners, btw. I don't care if they miss a tefilla or a bentching here and there.

For the last few summers I do the same with summer homework, btw.
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EnEf




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Apr 17 2017, 4:14 pm
We had the same issue. I only found the chart a week into vacation because when my son came home I immediately put his things with my Pesach stuff and took it out on Erev Yom Tov. By then we had lost track of what my son did already and he wasn't interested in continuing. I tried to remind him to daven over the next few days but did not push it. I just won't send it back and will tell him how proud I am of the things he did do while not thinking of a prize.

I don't lie. For Succos, I didn't check the things he did not do and sent it back that way. He got a prize anyway.
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Shuly




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Apr 18 2017, 5:52 pm
I check off what I know, leave the rest blank and write a note on bottom saying that he helped so much and behaved beautifully. They give him the prize anyway.
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 19 2017, 10:41 am
op,

write him a note stating that your son did what YOU assigned him to do every day of pesach. since he's so young, you feel he should only be responsible for one list of assignments. you're very proud of his accomplishments over yom tov. leave it at that, no details.

I hate when teachers send home check lists.
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amother
Yellow


 

Post Wed, Apr 19 2017, 10:50 am
OP here. Thanks everyone for your advice. I ended up having a talk with him and explained that I cant write that he davened when he didnt or anything else that he didnt do. There were a few lines on bottom of the chart which I used to write how nicely he behaved over yt and how much he helped out. He liked what I wrote and I told him his Rebbi will be extra proud of him because hes saying the truth and not pretending that he davened when he really didnt. Bh he went off to cheder without a fuss.
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groisamomma




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 20 2017, 12:25 am
amother wrote:
OP here. Thanks everyone for your advice. I ended up having a talk with him and explained that I cant write that he davened when he didnt or anything else that he didnt do. There were a few lines on bottom of the chart which I used to write how nicely he behaved over yt and how much he helped out. He liked what I wrote and I told him his Rebbi will be extra proud of him because hes saying the truth and not pretending that he davened when he really didnt. Bh he went off to cheder without a fuss.


Your son had school today? Lucky him!

Just as expected my 6th grader tossed hers on the first day of vacation, and davened (or didn't some days) anyway. She always helps so no chart needed.

Also as expected, my meticulous 5th grader has all but 3 boxes done (there are over 50!!) so I told her I'll buy her the **** noodle soup reward if she doesn't get it. FYI the teacher better give it to her anyway because I suspect nobody else's kid has more boxes checked. If not then I have an earful for her. This child was busy worrying about davening mussaf while we waited in line at Six Flags and she's only 10!

My 3rd grader sat down tonight to try and, ahem, "remember" how she did. I reminded her that she helped every day and that since nothing sticks out in either of our memories we can assume she davened and said hallel every day. I told her to skip the checks and I'd write a note.

Seriously, these charts need to stop.
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