Single girl out with friends until 1AM- is this appropriate?

nechamashifra

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:03 am

Quote:

She goes out to pizza or a coffee shop with her friends at night sometimes. She is not the type to do anything bad I am just worried that others might not see her as a good girl if she is out so late at night.

Do what you think is right - what other people think of you and/or your daughter is none of your business.

Chayalle

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:11 am

I wouldn't be comfortable with my single daughter staying out at local eateries so late. I'd be okay with them being at a friend's house, though.

I think it's okay to communicate your concerns with your daughter. However, consider the fact that she is an adult and may have her own opinions. You have to be realistic about who your daughter is, and what your relationship with her is.

I don't think this should be about shidduchim, and what others will see, etc...she should marry someone appropriate to herself, and if this is what she wants, then she should marry someone who is okay with that and on the same page.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:54 am

greenfire wrote:

cause pizza & doughnuts are against what halacha ?!

[now if you add ice cream, I can totally understand

]

They lead to mixed dancing.

dancingqueen

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:14 am

Chayalle wrote:

I wouldn't be comfortable with my single daughter staying out at local eateries so late. I'd be okay with them being at a friend's house, though.

Chayalle why not if not for public opinion?

amother

Natural

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:24 am

Chayalle wrote:

Why wouldn't you be okay with a single 23 year old daughter chilling with her friends at the pizza shop till 1:00? Would you be okay with it if she was married? Just wondering....

Chayalle

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:26 am

No. I wouldn't be okay with either...I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned, but by 1 a.m. I'm in my home. I consider that safer than hanging out in public places late at night.

amother

Natural

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:05 pm

Chayalle wrote:

No. I wouldn't be okay with either...I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned, but by 1 a.m. I'm in my home. I consider that safer than hanging out in public places late at night.

I'm also old fashioned and it was hard for me to get used to this generation who keep much later hours than I did. We didn't have coffee shops and pizza places to hang out in till 1:00 and besides that, my holocaust survivor parents would NEVER have let me come home so late without having heart attacks chas v'shalom.
I hope that you will have an easier time than I did letting my older single daughter come home late. As if I had a choice! But I did ask her to be respectful and let me know by calling or texting that she was fine and where she was.
Lots of luck to you.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:06 pm

Chayalle wrote:

No. I wouldn't be okay with either...I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned, but by 1 a.m. I'm in my home. I consider that safer than hanging out in public places late at night.

Why do you assume a kosher pizza place would be unsafe?

SixOfWands

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:26 pm

Chayalle wrote:

No. I wouldn't be okay with either...I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned, but by 1 a.m. I'm in my home. I consider that safer than hanging out in public places late at night.

You are also, according to the information under your screen name, a 40-something married woman with kids.

The young woman in question is a 20-something single woman without children.

I did a lot of things in my 20s that I don't do now. I anticipate that my teenage kids will do things that I have no desire to do now.

There's absolutely nothing untoward about young women going out for coffee or pizza ... or to a concert or play or movie (depending on your community, I suppose). Its normal and appropriate. And unless she's managed to find the kosher pizza place in the slums, and intends to walk home alone, wearing high heels and waving Benjamins, its perfectly safe.

amother

Sienna

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:42 pm

Also, what is she supposed to be doing with her free time or to relax and chill? She needs to stay cooped up all the time because she's worried about what others are saying? It's nobodies business. And she's 23!! It's a bit too late to discipline now.

I got married at 26 and moved out of my parents home as a single girl a couple of years before that because of this! Because my mother still treated me like I was a teenager. "Where are you going? With who?" etc. etc. Moving into an apartment as a single girl definitely has a lot more people talking then staying out till 1 am, just saying...

amother

Firebrick

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:46 pm

Is this what shidduchim has come to that we have to be afraid that our every move can be considered something bad and prevent us from a good shidduch? Oy.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:49 pm

amother wrote:

And apparently it didn't keep you from getting married.

Applause

amother

Indigo

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 1:16 pm

I am 25+ single and no I don't appreciate when my parents treat me like a kid and tell me what to do. If your daughter is just hanging out with female friends what's the issue? If she is going to a movie theater and you don't want her marrying a boy who is not okay with going to theaters then it can effect her shiduchim. I know so many girls that chill in the proper places and no, it does not effect their shiduchim. Whoever she will marry, she will marry. As long as she is a responsible adult then she's good. Give the girl space.
We should find our bashert quickly!

amother

Sienna

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 1:23 pm

MagentaYenta wrote:

And apparently it didn't keep you from getting married.

Applause

No it did not Wink

. Although from what everyone around me was saying you would've thought it would. I had my grandmother take me out to dinner to talk about it. I had aunts that I haven't spoken to in months calling all concerned.

BH my husband is/was not someone who worries about artificial prerequisites for marriage. (Nor his mother, I guess)

I would tell my mother this when she asked me to dress differently. What's the point? So I'll dress in the manner that Shadchanim think is the right way and then what? Get married and the next day dress in a different way because I don't have to worry about that anymore? How is that helpful to building a marriage on trust and honesty?

The whole thing is ridiculous

amother

Beige

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 2:00 pm

dancingqueen wrote:

Different world alert: 1 AM is not late at night to hang out for your average college kid. This is why I can't imagine grown adults living at home. She should be having fun before she settles down to marriage and kids, especially since her fun sounds very wholesome. And oy at the suggestion that she stay home and bake cookies lol.

It wasn't a suggestion (if u were referring to my comment). I legit used to bake cookies at 1 am at my friend's house (she would always eat the cookie dough) we had a blast..

treestump

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 2:15 pm

amother wrote:

If the 23 year old woman in question would be enjoying movie viewings, she should be meeting men who are on the same page. It doesn't matter if her mother wants her to marry someone more right wing, because she's not looking for a husband of her own now.

Compatibility is very important. Thinking you're marrying what really is a fake facade and a photoshopped image presented to the public can be a disaster.

amother

Beige

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 2:38 pm

amother wrote:

If she is going to a movie theater and you don't want her marrying a boy who is not okay with going to theaters then it can effect her shiduchim.

In your scenario, what happens after the marriage if she marries a boy who doesn't go to theater like momma wants ? U think she'll stop wanting to go to the movies?

Im not judging, but the amt of couples I know who one want to go to movies and call their spouse a "frummy" for not wanting to is just really sad. Why do ppl advocate such marriages?!

MagentaYenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:06 pm

amother wrote:

Your scenario doesn't make much sense. Why would anyone marry someone who disagrees with them on such a basic level of whether it's ok to go and see a film? I would think any woman with half an ounce of brains is going to marry someone they share interests with.

Im not a part of the shidduch culture, don't these couples at least talk about these things prior to committing to a marriage?

sourstix

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 5:09 pm

Chayalle I'm totally with you! One thousand percent. I gues my opinion is quite different here. Whatever. Each to their own.

I understand that you can't treat a single girl this way but I still have this thing that at 1am I want my kids in the house. Or in another girls house not in the street.

MagentaYenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 5:19 pm

sourstix wrote:

But this woman was at a kosher pizza parlor, not 'in the street'. I still don't understand how sinful a kosher pizza parlor can be? Someone please explain. I've asked this question several times and it's been ignored.