What makes a woman think she is/isn't beautiful?

Boca00

Mon, Apr 24 2017, 11:22 pm

I recently saw a study that only 4% of women think they are beautiful. That is an impossibly low number to be factually accurate IMO, so it must be that women have set impossibly high standards for themselves.

What is influencing our perception of our own beauty?

Is it our parents/family/close friends?
Is it random strangers and their comments?
Is it exposure to too many models and celebrities? (If yes, are women from more sheltered communities more likely to think they are beautiful?)
A completely objective look in the mirror?
Or googling "am I beautiful" and believing what pops up? Wink

Thoughts?

tigerwife

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 12:43 am

I believe that what a child hears from when they are very young can really shape their self-perceptions. Please tell your children that they are beautiful and good. If you think that beauty is shallow so why should it matter, I disagree; it can build self-confidence which makes a person truly beautiful. Obviously, don't make beauty the only thing that matters.

zaq

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 8:50 am

In the Western world I think it's mainly because they compare themselves to impossible images presented in film, TV and magazines, and despair of ever looking like that. What they don't realize is that even the models and actresses don't look like that. Not only are the individuals the most beautiful of the most beautiful according to current standards of beauty in their culture, who have been dressed, made up, lit, and posed just so to get the look du jour, but the images are then retouched, airbrushed, or Photoshopped to a level of perfection that does not exist in nature.

This would be like perpetually lining people up with the greatest minds of the civilization and telling them to be like these mental giants. How intelligent would most people feel if they listened to Einstein, Jonas Salk, Stephen Hawking, Marie Curie, Rosalyn Yalow (Nobel prize physiology/Medicine 1977) Ada Yonath (Nobel prize Chemistry 2009)et.al. day after day after day?

amother

Papaya

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 9:21 am

its interesting tigerwife because I don't think I was told I was pretty growing up. I'm not "beautiful" and looks are not a priority for my mother and my father passed away when I was little. I still liked what I saw in the mirror and was happy that I wasn't head turning beautiful Wink

jj1236

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:20 am

I feel like I was always told I'm pretty by my parents
My husband constantly tells me I am but when I don't feel pretty I don't feel pretty no matter what. I just started watching this new show which I think I have to stop because the actresses on the show are so skinny and beautiful it made me feel bad about myself. Which is crazy to do but I definitely compare myself

LittleMissMama

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:21 am

My thought is that only 4% admitted they believe themselves to be beautiful in the survey. Wink

I don't need my daughter to feel beautiful. I'd prefer confidence and security in her appearance.

amother

Babyblue

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 1:13 pm

Not sure if I am pretty. DH thinks so and my mother has told me I am throughout my life but when I look in the mirror... So I usually avoid mirrors!
My young daughter looks herself over in the mirror and says,"I look soooo pretty!" often enough and I love it (and agree- she is bH a pretty girl)! I hope she has that confidence in her looks always!

Boca00

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:01 pm

jj1236 wrote:

Not crazy, I think it makes perfect sense! Which makes me wonder if the more sheltered you are the more likely to think you are beautiful...

fbc

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:37 pm

Also depends what you mean by beautiful. Beautiful sounds like extra pretty, not just nice looking, but gorgeous, more than average. I think I'm very nice looking, I look beautiful (or at least pretty, put together, nice looking,)if I dress up/makeup/shaitel, but when it's a busy shluchy, long skirt, tshirt, tichel, no makeup cuz I'm too busy kinda day...I don't feel beautiful. But that doesn't bother me. I'm not ugly, just that day I'm less beautiful? I'm ok. I think we all have those days! My parents always told me I'm beautiful. My husband tells me when I look extra pretty (he's not one to go over the top with compliments just to make someone happy. If he thinks one day I look expecially nice looking, he'll say so!) Sorry if this is confusing Wink

just trying to say that beautiful sounds a bit, I dunno, extreme? Over the top? Do ppl think of themselves as actually beautiful? Or just "wow I really think I look pretty today! Great shaitel/outfit/makeup/smile/attitude, I like this me!"

jade

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:44 pm

Uh, the mirror? Having eyes?
I am fairly plain. I am also not bothered by that fact. I am, however, bothered by how apparently not thinking I'm beautiful is this mark of low self-esteem. To me this is just a statement of fact, like saying I am not a good tennis player or whatever. It's not some awful human tragedy and I kind of resent people acting like it is - like, if I'm not beautiful, that's it, my life is garbage now?

amother

Coral

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:47 pm

I don't know about others, but for me, it was years of extreme bullying and shutting myself out to the world. No clue how I got married. My husband doesn't really call me pretty or beautiful, which is okay with me. I don't like those words.

water_bear88

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:51 pm

I agree with fbc- to me, "beautiful" is out-of-the-ordinary, so 4% doesn't sound like much of an underestimate. Nevermind photoshopped images, I live in a country that's had its women (and men) rated among the most attractive in at least one survey. I do periodically see beautiful women on the street or in shul- I mean eye-catching, stunning, no more makeup than a frum woman would have on shabbos morning.

Me? I think I'm pretty. Nothing to write home about, but not unpleasant to look at. And I think it's a happy medium, and where most women are.

livinginflatbus

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 3:56 pm

Instagram shows all these women looking beautiful with gorgeous clothing so of course women have a complex. They don't realize however that people don't always look perfect on an ordinary day

flowerpower

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:12 pm

They didn't ask me! If yes the survey would say 4.001% 😜. I think it stems from low self esteem. Many women are pretty. A much bigger percentage than ugly women out there.

CatLady

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:18 pm

On a scale of 1 to 10, most people are probably in the 3-8 range. There are also less-attractive people and stone-cold stunners. But that's assuming that there is some objective standard of beauty.

When I'm happy, I'm probably more likely to think I'm higher on the rating scale. I project confidence, which is more attractive than coming off as a sad sack. Also, making an effort in my appearance makes a big difference, not just because I've taken the time to groom my brows, but more importantly, because I think I'm worthy of the effort.

Disclaimer: I was not told I was beautiful as a child. I was, however, repeatedly told that I was smart and capable. That's more of a confidence-builder IME.