Does your rabbi eat at your house?

amother

Black

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:32 pm

I casually mentioned to a friend that our rabbi was coming over for brunch last weekend, and she was shocked. She said that, not only does her rabbi not eat at her house, she would not trust a rabbi who ate at his congregants' homes. I, on the other hand, would not want a rabbi who didn't trust me enough to eat my food. So, how do y'all feel?

amother

cornflower

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:43 pm

Why would you assume not eating at your house means he doesn't trust you?

It's possible that a Rabbi might have different standards than some congregants and I understand why some would hav a blanket rule of not eating out. Because people would be insulted if he didn't eat at everyones house. (Much like you just got insulted at the thought)

Some people keep chalav yisroel, some don't. Some keep yoshon, some keep pas yisroel, some don't. Some hold by certain hechshers... you get the point, right? Not that one is less kosher, but people keep different things.

Also, some shuls and communiies are very diverse and standards could be even more broad.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:45 pm

My rav is our FIL - so I hope so.

But seriously, he gets tons of home made foods for Mishloach Manos and as long as it is marked with a name, status (pareve, dairy, or meat) and yoshon - almost all of it they eat. And if they don't know a status they will call - they almost never throw out any food.

mille

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:48 pm

I'm with you. I understand some rabbis have a blanket rule so they don't make congregants who maybe don't keep kosher to such a high standard feel bad, so they won't eat anywhere. I personally am very happy that my rabbi will eat out at his congregants' homes.

Cmon be nice

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 4:58 pm

R Nissen Alpert was a talmud of R Moshe Feinstein (unfortunately he was nifter young). He lived on the lower east side of NY but became a Rav in the 5 towns area (forgot where). Until he moved out there he spent every Shabbos by a different persons house, trusting everybody.

Boca00

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 6:51 pm

I'm part of a large community where the Rabbi gets a tremendous amount of shalach manos.
I was personally very impressed when the Rebbetzin called me the first year I was married to thank me for the shalach manos. She told me she's embarrassed to tell me how many cookies she ate. Smile

Yes, it was marked yoshon, pas yisroel, parve etc. so that probably helped.

MiracleMama

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 7:17 pm

The rabbi who we still consider to be our rabbi, though we've moved to another community, does eat at our house. When we lived in his community, he did not.

Nothing about our level of kashrus has changed. It's just that when there are many people in the community who are holding at another standard of kashrut, it's easier to make a blanket rule that you don't eat by anyone than to pick and choose and insult. I get that.

zaq

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 7:43 pm

amother wrote:

Mine has a blanket rule of not eating at any congregant's home. It prevents uncomfortable situations that could lead to insulting someone.

I'm shocked that not all rabbis have this blanket rule. I assumed they taught this in rabbinical school.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:24 am

Im so happy that I dont live in a community where a rav feels like he cant trust some of his congregant's kashrut. I wouldnt be able to be part of a community.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:25 am

zaq wrote:

I'm shocked that not all rabbis have this blanket rule. I assumed they taught this in rabbinical school.

Why not the other way? To go everyone's homes no matter what?
To not eat at anyone is a way of separating themselves from the community in a way. I find that a bit offensive.

amother

Plum

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:33 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Im so happy that I dont live in a community where a rav feels like he cant trust some of his congregant's kashrut. I wouldnt be able to be part of a community.

You do realize that not all communities are homogenous, right?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:39 am

amother wrote:

You do realize that not all communities are homogenous, right?

Of course. I grew up in a community with yeshivish and black hat families and families where the women wore small short and tank tops in the summer.
What is your point?
Even now I live in the same kind of community.

chanchy123

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:43 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Im so happy that I dont live in a community where a rav feels like he cant trust some of his congregant's kashrut. I wouldnt be able to be part of a community.

That was my initial sentiment as well. But then I remembered that there are many communities where congregants are not necessarily all shomer shabbat or follow all the laws of kashrut. In a community like that I can understand how a rabbi would not want to distinguish between families and make everyone feel just as accepted. I guess it really depends how homogeneous the community is.

chanchy123

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:46 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

But I assume that they all keep kosher and are shomer shabbat. Anyhow, a rabbi needs to be tactful and attuned to his community.

amother

Plum

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 4:00 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Not all Orthodox communities are fully Orthoodox. I grew up in a community where not every member of the community was strictly Orthodox. We can talk all day about being "welcoming" and "nonjudgemental" but if there are people who are not keeping strictly kosher, then no, the rabbi (or anyone else fully observant) simply can't eat in those homes.
My current rav holds of yoshon. We do as well. If I eat in a home where people aren't keeping yoshon, I just avoid anything with grains in it. The rabbi could theoretically do the same, but there's so much more potential for a misunderstanding and hurt feelings. And since he's a community leader, there is less room for potentially alienating someone. Once you have to make distinctions like that, better to just have a blanket policy.

Ruchel

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 4:04 am

I have no idea. I mean why? It's my rabbi not my friend.

I know of rabbis who eat at everyone kosher, even untznius. It has no link. Now, non shomer is another issue. I've seen both.