Dd-2 doesn't like dh

amother

Magenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 9:19 pm

Dh is more of the tough one and dd doesn't like him for that. She hangs on to me all day and doesn't want to play with him at all and my dh is very upset about it.
What can I do?

notshanarishona

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 9:39 pm

It is very common for a child to favor the mother. It will change as she gets older.
As long as he is tough in a healthy way I.e. setting boundaries , she will start to like him more and more with time as long as he is also loving.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 9:57 pm

She is just two. He tries to play with her but she doesn't want. She just wants me to play with her. He's not doing anything too crazy but he's the one that sets the limits and sometimes raises his voice which I've told him I don't like.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:15 pm

And dh is all upset because he knows I don't like when he screams at her so it's affecting him and now his down for this reason and also because dd is upset at him

sarahmalka

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:23 pm

I think you should reassure him that it's normal for children that young to favor one parent for awhile. Then it will switch, soon enough you may end up feeling like the rejected parent! He should try to not take it personally. With our first child this was upsetting and by numbers 2 and 3 we knew to expect it! Of course at the same time your hubs should be careful not to yell. Anyway reassure him that he is a good dad and that this favoritism is within the range of normal and will evolve.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:29 pm

Sigmund Freud says that usually a child goes to the parent of the opposite gender, but when they grow up they see that there is nothing wrong with the other parent. I can say that is true with myself, I always loved my dad and now, well I would say Uh, he gets me kind of scared.
I have a cousin that her dad is the sweetest guy ever and she hated him but she kept running to a different uncle of ours who is a tough guy (to put it down nicely) by nature.

anonymrs

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 10:54 pm

If he 'screams at her' (your words) then I sure imagine she is afraid of him.

To answer your question, there's nothing you can do. Your dh needs to work on himself to keep his cool. I know 2 year olds are a lot, but I'm trying to imagine where it would even come up to scream at a 2 year old. What

groovy1224

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:06 pm

Oh my gosh she is still a baby!! Trust me in another 2 years when she's a complete daddy's girl you will laugh that you were worried about this.

My kids all went through stages where they strongly preferred one parent over the other. Don't stress or take it personally.

thanks

Tue, Apr 25 2017, 11:08 pm

When she comes to you just say 'mommy is not playing with you now'. Dont give in. (even if she tantrums!) She'll learn how to play with him especially since he wants to play with her.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Apr 26 2017, 7:44 am

anonymrs wrote:

Oh my gosh, THIS. I wouldn't like this one bit, and I'm an adult!

He needs to learn how to sit down and have a tea party with DD and some dollies. He needs to let HER lead the play, and to go with the flow.

DD needs gentle interaction, with someone who can quietly observe her stories, ask a few questions "Why does teddy like chocolate cookies?", and let her just be herself.

If DH can't figure it out, I'd suggest parenting classes right away. He's probably modeling behavior from his own childhood, and needs help figuring out what works and what doesn't.