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How do u foster sibling loyalty?



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amother
Rose


 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:24 pm
Some other threads got me thinking. What are the ways in which you actively foster sibling loyalty?
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esther11




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 3:46 pm
I don't recall where it was, but I read somewhere that a good way to foster sibling relationships is by having the older children take some responsibility for the younger ones. Obviously this does not mean all the time or taking advantage of your kids.
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Gitch




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 4:02 pm
I also read this and try very hard to implement:

Have kids see the benefits of siblings and not only the annoying parts. So for example, when I give out treats, I'll give to one child to distribute to the others. Or celebrate an individual's accomplishment with the whole family. So we'll all get ice cream to celebrate one kid's siyum.

I also find spending time together fosters togetherness, so family dance parties or game nights, or just sitting outside together eating ice pops all work.
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MiracleMama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 4:04 pm
To be honest, I didn't know I needed to foster it. It seems to be happening all on its own.
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Laiya




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:20 pm
Never, ever compare them to each other.
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amother
cornflower


 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 10:16 pm
This is very important to me. My kids are all close in age and while they obviously fight with and annoy each other (like all siblings). they can also play together very nicely and look out for each other. Ppl have always commented how my kids act like a "group". They do many things all together. Since they were very young I've always tried to encourage situations were they would be in a group of kids, but only know each other and have to rely on each other. For ex sending them to all together to babysitting or clubs on a legal holiday, or school vacation day. By default they always stuck together and looked out for each other. Now that they are a little older it's more difficult to do since clubs don't have older boys and girls together. (By older I mean 6,7). So what I do now is when I take them out on a day trip (like to the park or an indoor play place) and I purposely don't arrange to go with a friend and her kids. That way my kids naturally play together, since there aren't any other kids there that they know.
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rae




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 10:57 pm
This is so important to me. I try to encourage them to use their strengths to help each other. One is great with hair, another one is the go to for math. Etc. they feel so good about themselves and it definitely fosters love.
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Tzutzie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Apr 26 2017, 11:30 pm
My kids are 2 and almost 4.
I tell my 4yo to be the big sister and "watch" over her sister in the playroom. When there is another child around.

I also tell dd1 about how dd2 asks for her when she's at school. And when she comes home I make the baby all excited to see her sister.

We talk about "who loves you" (Totty, mommy, sister, zeidy, bobby, aunts, her friends and teachers...) and how much her sister loves her. And whom she loves.... including her future husband.

When they share, look out for each other, act kindly to each other, I comment positively on it.
"Look how nice, dd1 quickly grabbed dd2 so she wouldn't trip over that bag. You are such a good big sister!"
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amother
Jade


 

Post Thu, Apr 27 2017, 7:02 am
Treat them equally but according to their needs. Don't use competition as a way to get things done. Love them all and let them know. Take their jealousies seriously and talk with them rather than telling them to get over it. Jealousy is a natural emotion.

My big's favorite person in the world is my little one. And I can say the same for the other way too BH.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 27 2017, 7:25 am
MiracleMama wrote:
To be honest, I didn't know I needed to foster it. It seems to be happening all on its own.


That. I also don't ask myself how to bond.
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Super Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 27 2017, 1:51 pm
I have an aunt who believes sharing a room is a must. No kid should have their own room if possible. I'm not sure it's such a bad thing. My kids share and I see the benefits. It forces them to be cleaner and tidier. They chat til late, read each other stories, giggle a bit too much. On the other hand, it's annoying if the baby is trying to nap and they wake her up or they have to keep out their room while she's falling asleep. But babies grow up. Not sure what will happen when they're teens. I think that will be the real test.
Lastly, spending one on one time actually helps bond kids so they know they're valued as individuals, not just a family group.
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Chayalle




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 27 2017, 3:44 pm
I'm really blessed that my girls are very close. I can't say I know THE reason. Laiya's response resonates with me - I always tell each of them how they are uniquely special to me, each in their own way - no comparisons. I tell them that a mother's love is like the ocean - it never ends - it goes round and round - the message being that there's enough love to go around here for everyone. Each of them are my best gift from Hashem. I think when a child's needs for unconditional love and acceptance are met, they will be full of love for their family, and closeness will follow.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Thu, Apr 27 2017, 6:55 pm
Laiya wrote:
Never, ever compare them to each other.

Yes! And I'll add never highlight one's strenghths over the others. Very talented kids dont have to be reminded constantly and publically about how great they are.
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trixx




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Apr 27 2017, 8:54 pm
Tzutzie wrote:
My kids are 2 and almost 4.
I tell my 4yo to be the big sister and "watch" over her sister in the playroom. When there is another child around.

I also tell dd1 about how dd2 asks for her when she's at school. And when she comes home I make the baby all excited to see her sister.

We talk about "who loves you" (Totty, mommy, sister, zeidy, bobby, aunts, her friends and teachers...) and how much her sister loves her. And whom she loves.... including her future husband.

When they share, look out for each other, act kindly to each other, I comment positively on it.
"Look how nice, dd1 quickly grabbed dd2 so she wouldn't trip over that bag. You are such a good big sister!"


sorry OT but
do you literally say "and whom do you love? you love mommy, tatty, sis, bro, bubby, zaidy... and your future husband" ?
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amother
Pink


 

Post Sat, Apr 29 2017, 4:36 pm
I'm an only child. And my kid is an only child. So I have no personal experience on this whatseover. . .

But one of my teachers in highschool had an 'achdus jar' which was full of treats at all times. Whenever one of the kids did something really good (not even if it was something relevant to begin nice to siblings), then all the kids got a treat from the jar. This way, the kids encouraged each other to be good and felt like they were part of a group in that they celebrated together.
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