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-> Household Management
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amother
Floralwhite
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 Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:16 pm
Looking for some validation or advice. Here is the situation:
I have 4 young children, (one baby) all under the age of 8. I work very part time (Approx 15 hours a week), and my husband works as well and brings in a decent (but not large by any means) salary. We do have enough money right now to pay our bills BH, and due to some family help, we have some finances as well for a rainy day situation.
Here's my dilemma: I feel horribly spoiled that I have a cleaning lady come to me approx 10 hours a week. 3 hours at the beginning of week, 6 hours on fridays. She is kind, trustworthy, reliable, and willing to do everything from washing dishes, taking out garbage, cleaning really yucky messes, and even babysits occasionally. Although if I put my mind to it, I probably can clean myself, I really have no internal desire or interest in spending my time cleaning. Instead of cleaning, I can read to my kids, sit with them, watch them play, nurse my baby, and take care of all the household bills, appts, etc, and deal with some life challenges that are in our way in a calmer manner.
The thing is, I dont know if we can really afford the cleaning lady. I mean, we are not going into debt from it, but it just seems so expensive. Yet, I feel like my home is so much more calmer, shalom bayis is better, kids are easier to deal with etc, when I have this help.My husband is not the type to help clean at all, so if we didnt have her, it would all be on me. And no, I am not going to change him or pick a fight about it. So the cleaning lady really helps us keep a stable, happy home BH despite some life stresses. But is is so wasteful? Why am I spending so much on cleaning help? Validate me that this is right for me at the moment? I keep saying to myself I can get less help when my kids are older, now is the time I need the support, but I still cant help but get a sinking feeling when I give her so much cash at the end of the week. Maybe this money be better off used as savings? But then again, better spend it on a cleaning lady than a therapist, right??
Thanks for hearing me out wonderful ladies.
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tichellady
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:18 pm
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Not excessive. Totally worth the $ if you can afford it
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amother
Brown
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:23 pm
Your fine.
Receive the help that is being given to you graciously. Thank HKBH for His kindness
Stop questioning it - the questioning is coming from a not good place.
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amother
Powderblue
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:28 pm
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I agree. This is not excessive. You are doing very important things with your time. You are spending time with your children and managing the household. You would be less available and more frazzled if you had to do the cleaning as well. You aren't off having lattes with friends while cleaning lady watches your kids. Don't feel guilty.
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crust
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:41 pm
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Take more! You are spending your money wisely!
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33055
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:44 pm
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Instead of thinking the money should be better off as savings, think of it as an investment in your children.
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amother
Copper
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 8:45 pm
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Rebbetzin zehava braunstein a"h used to say if she would be able to do things over again, the one thing she would do is get more cleaning help! Cleaning help is a necessity when u have little kids. If u would be doing all the cleaning u would not have the energy to do other things that need to get done! U can't do everything urself!!
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amother
Wheat
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 9:06 pm
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I'm a SAHM with cleaning help every day. There's no issur to make your life easier if you can.
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mommy3b2c
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Wed, Apr 26 2017, 9:09 pm
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Your fine. I have more cleaning help then you and I only have 3 kids. One baby and 8 yr old and 10 year old. And I am a Sahm mom. There is no mitzvah to be a martyr.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 6:31 am
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If you truly can afford it and it makes your life calmer and easier, then embrace it and appreciate it! Make a decision and feel good about it. Sounds like it really makes you calmer and happier and able to spend more time with your children- to me that sounds like a good use of your money
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fiji
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 6:34 am
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Doesn't sound excessive in the slightest...
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amother
Denim
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 6:36 am
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Not at all. I am a sahm,and I have a live in for my baby and cleaning help once a week. It helps me be a better mom and wife. Expensive, but worth every penny!
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amother
Jade
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 6:43 am
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If you can afford it I think it is a great investment in your family.
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amother
Aubergine
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 7:08 am
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Women here see cleaning help as an inalienable right. It depends though op how much are you paying for help and can you afford it? If you can't quite afford it then you can cut down a little.
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lfab
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 7:48 am
If you can afford it and it makes you calmer, then keep the cleaning help. If you can't quite afford it don't get rid of the help entirely. Maybe just cut down a few hours a week. Maybe 4-5 hours on Friday and 1 1/2-2 earlier in the week. See how that goes and you can always increase the hours again if you see that it's just too hard.
Also, I'm not sure what your comment about you husband not being the type to help means. My philosophy is if you're part of a household you help out, end of story. Do you get the choice to be the type of wife who doesn't cook or who doesn't do laundry, etc.? No, well then neither does he. I would say to sit down with him and discuss how you would like to cut back on a few hours of cleaning help in order to put more into savings. In order to do this you need him to step up a little and help do a few things around the house. Together choose a few tasks that he is responsible for (ie. taking out the garbage when full, including from all bathrooms, bedrooms, etc. maybe he can be responsible for doing a quick mop of living areas early in the week and then you can have cleaning help do a more thorough job on Fridays). Anyway this is just my 2 sense on husbands helping with housework, feel free to ignore if it won't work for you. (Also, this doesn't apply if he works really really long hours and gets home late and has very little time at home to relax/learn/etc. as it is.)
You can also have kids help out to pick up some slack. An 8 year old is big enough to collect smaller garbages throughout the house. Even a 5/6 year old can use swiffer to clean floors mid-week. Kids can sort laundry/match socks, etc.
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amother
Pearl
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 7:50 am
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10 hours excessive? I have ten hours and that is way way less than all my friends. Would have double if I could afford.
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amother
Aqua
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 7:53 am
I certainly do not see a problem with the cleaning help.
I DO see a problem with using the cleaning help to babysit!
How can you leave yiddish kinder with a cleaning lady?
There have been so, so many crazy stories like:
*children taught non-Jewish prayers
*children abused
*children abducted
*children murdered
*children feed treif
The risk is so great! And not only that, but kids absorb everything their babysitter does and grow to believe it normal, I.e. something they should emulate. And while the cleaning help may be a wonderful person, she should not be passing on her values to yiddishe kinder even by accident!
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amother
Pewter
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 8:03 am
| amother wrote: | I certainly do not see a problem with the cleaning help.
I DO see a problem with using the cleaning help to babysit!
How can you leave yiddish kinder with a cleaning lady?
There have been so, so many crazy stories like:
*children taught non-Jewish prayers
*children abused
*children abducted
*children murdered
*children feed treif
The risk is so great! And not only that, but kids absorb everything their babysitter does and grow to believe it normal, I.e. something they should emulate. And while the cleaning help may be a wonderful person, she should not be passing on her values to yiddishe kinder even by accident! |
Wow. Do you babysit? You seem like the type of person I'd like my kids to emulate.
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amother
Burlywood
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 8:12 am
I'm not talking about safety because I don't know how it is today.
Hashkufa wise; Reb Shayale keresteerer's cleaning lady knew Bruchos /modeh ani etc because she was the one reciting it with his children.
Last edited by amother on Wed, May 03 2017, 8:50 am; edited 1 time in total
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mommy3b2c
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Thu, Apr 27 2017, 8:24 am
| amother wrote: | I certainly do not see a problem with the cleaning help.
I DO see a problem with using the cleaning help to babysit!
How can you leave yiddish kinder with a cleaning lady?
There have been so, so many crazy stories like:
*children taught non-Jewish prayers
*children abused
*children abducted
*children murdered
*children feed treif
The risk is so great! And not only that, but kids absorb everything their babysitter does and grow to believe it normal, I.e. something they should emulate. And while the cleaning help may be a wonderful person, she should not be passing on her values to yiddishe kinder even by accident! |
My non Jewish cleaning lady/babysitter has some excellent values. I'd rather my kids get those values then undesirable values from a Jew.
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