Is my cleaning help too excessive?

amother

Silver

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 5:56 pm

amother wrote:

It is excessive if you are simultaneously accepting tuition assistance from your kids' school. If not, sounds pretty great to me. 👍🏼

Hey, don't judge so fast. Trust me, cleaning help is much cheaper than therapy + hospitalizations + medication. And if I don't get A, there is a very good chance we'll go back to B, which I am thank G-d very happy to be free of. I'd be paying LESS in tuition then.

ETA: If you saw me, you'd never know. You might think I'm living the high life because I'm just too lazy to clean my own home.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:05 pm

amother wrote:

Huh?
This "cleaning help is cheaper than therapy" rationalization is absolute nonsense. Many therapists accept insurance. Cleaning help is a luxury. If you are accepting financial aid you cannot afford 10 hours of cleaning help a week. Sorry.

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:10 pm

amother wrote:

Co pays and deductibles add up and that is if you are lucky that the Dr that is good for you takes your insurance.

Therapy is a lot more expensive then household help.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:14 pm

amother wrote:

Co pays and deductibles add up and that is if you are lucky that the Dr that is good for you takes your insurance.

Therapy is a lot more expensive then household help.

This is rationalization for irresponsible spending. If you can afford 10 hours a week of cleaning help, you can pay FULL TUITION at day school. 🙄

amother

Pearl

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:15 pm

Cleaning help a lot less expensive than therapy although I have both. Should cleaning help come before maaser? Sure that opens a can of worms.. we were told give tzedaka as you can. We don't have extra to put away. Or give away. But maybe I have too many luxuries. Who's to say?

amother

Silver

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:16 pm

amother wrote:

This is rationalization for irresponsible spending. If you can afford 10 hours a week of cleaning help, you can pay FULL TUITION at day school. 🙄

10 hours per week of cleaning help = $480 per month
Full tuition * 5 children = $4,000 per month

Maybe you have access to a different kind of math than me?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:23 pm

amother wrote:

10 hours per week of cleaning help = $480 per month
Full tuition * 5 children = $4,000 per month

Maybe you have access to a different kind of math than me?

You make zero sense.
Put that $480 toward tuition!
All this rationalization of accepting financial aid while simultaneously having household luxuries and vacations make my husband and I not want to be or live around Jewish people anymore. Such a *@!!#! moral compass some people are guided by. 🤦‍♀️

Oy, please watch your language! — Rubber Ducky as mod

amother

Silver

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:26 pm

amother wrote:

And SERIOUSLY? You are telling me that it's fine for me to have a breakdown, because medicaid (yes) will pay for my therapy? As long as I don't chas veshalom get tuition assistance?!?

amother

Silver

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:30 pm

amother wrote:

Dear Fuschia,

Have you ever had bipolar disorder? Have you ever spent a week in the psychiatric ward?

Trust me, my 9 hours per week of help are far cheaper than the cost of assistance we'd need for even just one hospitalization.

It's really unnecessary to judge. Let Hashem be the judge, and as the Gemara says, "If one takes charity to which he is not entitled, in the end he will be entitled" (I.e. poor).

Sincerely,
Amother

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:34 pm

amother wrote:

Sounds like your case is complicated. My apologies.

amother

Silver

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:34 pm

amother wrote:

The sense of entitlement here is astounding. Get a cleaning lady maybe once weekly, if you must. 8-10 hours weekly? Give me a break.

Maybe your cleaning help is much more efficient than mine, or your kids don't take apart the house as quickly as mine?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:36 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe your cleaning help is much more efficient than mine, or your kids don't take apart the house as quickly as mine?

I don't think that most people who are abusing the system with tuition assistance and luxuries have legit mental illness. I'll have to take you at your word. I think, by and large, that our communities seriously rationalize all kinds of financial shenanigans.

mommy3b2c

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:39 pm

amother wrote:

So move away.

fmt4

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:44 pm

I have cleaning help/ babysitter every day from 8-5. Best decision I ever made. I work from home, am in school twice a week, and have tons of errands, gym etc. I love being able to leave my baby at home. Way easier than dropping off somewhere. I'll probably reduce her hours when he goes preschool, but until then...

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 6:46 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

So move away.

[ad hominum attack removed] — Rubber Ducky as mod

[I have removed additional inappropriate posts by this anonymous poster, as well as responses to them. - merelyme, as mod]

amother

Slateblue

Sun, Apr 30 2017, 8:05 pm

Cleaning help has a lot to do with the culture you are born in.

My grandmother lived very comfortably in Europe before the war, when they came to America as soon as they had a drop of extra cash they hired cleaning help. When my mother got married my grandfather did not support them but sent over cleaning help.

There are cultures that heavy cleaning work is done by hired help, When you are raised in such a culture it is demeaning to clean toilets, scrub the floor etc. If you were not raised in this culture you wouldn't understand it. My father and my DH's family even though they are financially comfortable they find it abhorrent to have someone clean up their mess, be in their personal space.

I wonder about the responses here have a lot to do with the culture you are brought up in.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, May 01 2017, 1:08 am

I haven't read most of the replies on this thread so I apologize if the topic has changed or others have already said that I'm about to say.

I don't think there's an across-the-board answer of whether 10 hours a week of cleaning help is too excessive. Everyone has to weigh their own situation and calculate whether or not this is something they can afford.

I have 10 children and my husband learns in kollel. I work to support the family and DH has a very part-time job in the evenings. We barely make ends meet. We don't have a car, don't eat out, and don't have cleaning help. If we would have 10 hours of cleaning help a week, yes, that would be very excessive since we absolutely cannot afford such a thing. If we would be able to afford it, you can be sure I would take advantage of that and hire as much cleaning help as possible as long as it wouldn't come at the expense of savings for the future and other important expenses.

if you can afford it, I'm all for it. Don't feel guilty.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, May 01 2017, 7:47 am

amother wrote:

I like Rubber Ducky as mod. 👍🏼