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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
Tangerine
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Mon, May 01 2017, 7:24 pm
I am at my wits end.
My 10 yr old son hit me today in a rage of anger.
He has been challenging since the beginning. He is defiant.
I have spoken to so many people about him- professionals, mechanchim etc.
He is receiving occupational therapy, and has been going to a social worker for the past few yrs. (different social workers).
I feel like we have tried everything.
I was trying to stop my son from beating up his sister when he had an angry outburst today. I placed myself between them. He got so angry at me and started punching me.
How am I supposed to deal with this?
I feel so weighed down.
He screams at me all the time and demands things. I don't give in to his screaming - ever - but I can't deal with this anymore. He threatens me that he won't do things (like go on the bus to school). He threatens me with a broom stick when he is angry. When he washes his hands he splashes water with his fingers at my face before he dries them - even when I am wearing a newly washed shaitel.
I feel like I am breaking.
I am sad.
How is it that I have a child who has no respect?
My others do ..(B"H!)
Yes, he is angry and feels like everything is unfair ...I know that. But how can we teach him how to behave properly and express his feelings in a normal way?
We have been asking about putting him on meds ... it's not so simple. He is very borderline and might just need good therapy and proper parenting.
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amother
Green
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Mon, May 01 2017, 7:34 pm
Meds have been a lifesaver for us. Changed a kid in one dose. Not perfect but much better. Try it.
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amother
Fuchsia
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Mon, May 01 2017, 7:35 pm
Try Aaron Lederer at RADconsulting
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amother
Orange
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Mon, May 01 2017, 7:40 pm
I am really sad for you. My son hits me too. He is almost 7. He hurts me really hard. He used to throw heavy objects at me. He tore some of my clothing. It feels really scary.
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, May 01 2017, 8:02 pm
Try to find a psychiatrist who deals with Oppositional Defiance Disorder, or Pathological Demand Avoidance. Have him tested for ADD while you're at it. Sometimes atypical ADD can show up as violent behavior, because of the lack of impulse control. Meds could make a huge difference.
Lessons in anger management and self soothing techniques can be extremely valuable.
He probably hates himself when he has these fits, and can't control himself. It would be a relief to him if he could find something that would help him "put the brakes on."
You need to get on this FAST, because once he gets into his teens he's going to be bigger and stronger than you. He could pick a fight with someone who will fight back (and win), or he could get in trouble with the law.
I would take this VERY seriously, and start calling every specialist you can find.
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FranticFrummie
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Mon, May 01 2017, 8:03 pm
I almost forgot. Get him checked for strep, and ask your doctor about PANDAS. That can cause all kinds of behavioral problems.
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amother
Jade
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Mon, May 01 2017, 8:29 pm
Does he have a diagnosis?
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amother
Brown
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Mon, May 01 2017, 8:31 pm
amother wrote: | Meds have been a lifesaver for us. Changed a kid in one dose. Not perfect but much better. Try it. |
Can I ask what type of meds?
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amother
Green
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Mon, May 01 2017, 8:44 pm
amother wrote: | Can I ask what type of meds? |
Risperdone. But you really have to speak to a doctor.
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, May 01 2017, 10:22 pm
amother wrote: | Try Aaron Lederer at RADconsulting |
have you worked directly with him or with people who work for him? Has he met your child. Was it helpful for you?
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amother
Jetblack
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Mon, May 01 2017, 10:51 pm
amother wrote: | Find a good BCBA. |
Agreed! I am a big believer of ABA therapy.
Just make sure its a good reputable agency who knows what they are doing.
Good luck!!
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amother
Tangerine
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Tue, May 02 2017, 9:00 am
amother wrote: | Does he have a diagnosis? |
no - there is no diagnosis which makes things much harder. We've had social workers wonder if it's ADHD or anxiety but then at some point they say that they are not sure anymore. We were told that he is sensory but I have been working with 2 different OT's and they don't see that he is sensory rather defiant.
I am a drowning person just looking for a way out ...
Yes, I have taken parenting courses - a few of them but it doesn't work for him (does work on the other kids).
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crust
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Tue, May 02 2017, 9:08 am
amother wrote: | no - there is no diagnosis which makes things much harder. We've had social workers wonder if it's ADHD or anxiety but then at some point they say that they are not sure anymore. We were told that he is sensory but I have been working with 2 different OT's and they don't see that he is sensory rather defiant.
I am a drowning person just looking for a way out ...
Yes, I have taken parenting courses - a few of them but it doesn't work for him (does work on the other kids). |
Social workers can only 'wonder'. Take him for a good evaluation with a psychiatrist that specializes in children. (You can pm me for one.)
He can iyh get much better.
Parenting courses will only help when he will be more settled.
Good luck!
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Jewishmom8
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Tue, May 02 2017, 9:29 am
research ODD
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saw50st8
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Tue, May 02 2017, 10:07 am
Read the Explosive Child
His rage is stemming from unmet needs, lagging skills or some other issue. It's a symptom only. The trick is to really figure out what the issue is that is triggering him and solve the problem upstream so that he doesn't rage.
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amother
Jade
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Tue, May 02 2017, 10:10 am
amother wrote: | no - there is no diagnosis which makes things much harder. We've had social workers wonder if it's ADHD or anxiety but then at some point they say that they are not sure anymore. We were told that he is sensory but I have been working with 2 different OT's and they don't see that he is sensory rather defiant.
I am a drowning person just looking for a way out ...
Yes, I have taken parenting courses - a few of them but it doesn't work for him (does work on the other kids). |
Hugs. Can you take him to a developmental pediatrician so you can get him a definitive diagnosis which might help you figure out how to best help him.
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amother
Navy
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Tue, May 02 2017, 10:49 am
I feel for you, OP and other mothers who are dealing with this.
My child did it too, at that age.
A bit older, and my child nearly killed me in a fit of rage.
It's a miracle I'm still alive. It's a miracle my baby is still alive because the baby was also nearly killed in a fit of rage.
Child is an adult now, and I sometimes wonder if we are in safety zone yet.
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amother
Puce
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Tue, May 02 2017, 11:22 am
saw50st8 wrote: | Read the Explosive Child
His rage is stemming from unmet needs, lagging skills or some other issue. It's a symptom only. The trick is to really figure out what the issue is that is triggering him and solve the problem upstream so that he doesn't rage. |
THIS
And real therapy as a parent child group.
I debated whether to respond but figures on the one percent chance I will
I don't agree with the ABA recommendations.
Esp if you want long term healing.
This type of child needs a parent child centered therapy. It is very hard and very painful.
Ive worked in ABA and done PCIT and deeply believe in this case its parenting therapy and child therapy that will work. I know nothjng about PCIT centers thay have openied in frum community in NY but the theory is correct.
Things will get worse before they get better but real healing is possible.
If you are near the bronx I have some contacts.
Hatzlacha.
Its very hard
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