My son hit me .... help! : (

amother

Brunette

Tue, May 02 2017, 11:39 am

amother wrote:

I am at my wits end.

My 10 yr old son hit me today in a rage of anger.

He has been challenging since the beginning. He is defiant.

I have spoken to so many people about him- professionals, mechanchim etc.

He is receiving occupational therapy, and has been going to a social worker for the past few yrs. (different social workers).

I feel like we have tried everything.

I was trying to stop my son from beating up his sister when he had an angry outburst today. I placed myself between them. He got so angry at me and started punching me.

How am I supposed to deal with this?

I feel so weighed down.

He screams at me all the time and demands things. I don't give in to his screaming - ever - but I can't deal with this anymore. He threatens me that he won't do things (like go on the bus to school). He threatens me with a broom stick when he is angry. When he washes his hands he splashes water with his fingers at my face before he dries them - even when I am wearing a newly washed shaitel.

I feel like I am breaking.

I am sad.

How is it that I have a child who has no respect?

My others do ..(B"H!)

Yes, he is angry and feels like everything is unfair ...I know that. But how can we teach him how to behave properly and express his feelings in a normal way?

We have been asking about putting him on meds ... it's not so simple. He is very borderline and might just need good therapy and proper parenting.

Op,you are struggling to cope with a child who is angry and is out of control which is very frustrating and painful. You have tried therapy, ot, etc but nothing is working which is sad.
How is his behavior in school or anywhere else I.e. shul, friends house, store, etc? Does he behave everywhere else except for at home?

There are usually underlying issues when a child is angry but he may not have the words to describe why he is angry. Perhaps he was and/or is being abused either s-xually or emotionally at school or elsewhere. Perhaps he is being bullied by someone. It is possible that he is too afraid to say anything about it or he may just not know that he is being abused. A trauma therapist who does play therapy, art therapy, or sand therapy may be able to evaluate him properly and hopefully rule out abuse.

You say that you got involved in a fight between him and his sister, do you usually get involved in their fights? Do you always take his sisters side even if she is wrong just because you dont like the way your son behaves towards her (and it may just come across as taking his sisters side to him because you are blocking him from hurting her which is how he deals with frustrations)? If that is the case then of course he is angry and says life is unfair. If you stop their fight then you need to sit down with both of them when they are calm and let them talk it out without taking any sides to come up with a way to handle things when they disagree on things or fight, etc depending on the situation.

You also say you ignore him when he makes demands, screams or threatens you which is fine but do you sit down and talk to him when he is calm? Do you give him complements when he behaves? Do you take him out on his own, just the two of you, to spend some quality time together? He may need that especially if he has multiple siblings and perhaps feels that he is being overlooked which is what is causing him to act out angrily. Either way, it seems like you can all learn how to communicate and problem solve better so family therapy would be very helpful in this situation. It will allow everyone to talk about their feelings in a healthy and safe environment and give you skills you need to deal with things as they come up.

Karate would also be good for him, it will channel his anger in a positive way, allow him to release his anger and frustration in a healthy manner, and give him the discipline to remain calm under pressure. Most sports will do that as well. Are there any sports leagues in your neighborhood that he can join I.e. baseball, soccer, football, etc? That will not only allow him to channel his anger in a positive way but he will also be part of the team and learn to work together with other kids which will give him social skills that he can use in other areas of his life.

amother

Pearl

Tue, May 02 2017, 3:21 pm

amother wrote:

We have been asking about putting him on meds ... it's not so simple. He is very borderline and might just need good therapy and proper parenting.

If your other kids are well behaved and well adjusted, it's probably not your parenting. At any rate, don't assume it's your fault.

And even if he does need better parenting and better therapy, that doesn't mean that he wouldn't benefit from medication.

First of all, social workers are not always qualified to deal with these kinds of problems. He should be seeing a child psychologist who specializes in aggression in children.

Second of all, a social worker can't give a diagnosis. You should take him to see a developmental pediatrician, a developmental neurologist, and/or a neuropsychiatrist. Just because you don't have a diagnosis yet, doesn't mean you won't get one.

Thirdly, I strongly recommend that you take a parenting class geared towards parents of problematic kids that is run a professional. I'm sure you are great parents, but exceptional skills are needed for exceptional children.

Lastly, his behavior sounds out of the range of normal, which means that medication could help him. Even if better parenting and better therapy could help him, sometimes medication is still needed to make the better parenting and better therapy more helpful. A discussion with a psychiatrist is warranted to explore the options with a professional.

sourstix

Tue, May 02 2017, 3:47 pm

again im gonna give you just my opinion. noone here can diagnose your child. just because they had a child with similar issues doesnt make them qualified to diagnose and tell you what to do. I would go to a regular pediatrician and discuss this. and see what they have to say. and they should be able to steer you in the right direction. that is a pediatrician that you have a good relationship with.

we dont know if he needs medication. not everyone does. people are going to medication so quickly. and also his therapist can guide you how to deal with him. she should be able to teach him how to deal with his emotions. not an ot. a regular social worker.

if he feels he trusts her he will evetually open up and tell her how he feels. that might be very helpoful.

he already knows hes not allowed to do this. so something else is going on. something we dont know......