Reasonable weight loss goal for a chid

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amother

Babyblue

Wed, May 03 2017, 11:53 pm

I have an 8 1/2 yr old that has put on a lot of weight over the last year. I have spoken to her gently about it, about making some changes in eating habits and trying to exercise more and she seems to be on board. My question is, what is a reasonable weight loss goal for a child this age. Her weight is close to 80 lbs. I want to set a short term goal for her for the month so she can see that she is achieving something through her efforts. Is four pounds for a month a good goal? Too much? Too little?

amother

Gray

Wed, May 03 2017, 11:56 pm

You should not be having a child that age lose weight without the guidance of someone who specializes in that. You need to have someone give you very clear guidelines customized for your child.

sky

Thu, May 04 2017, 12:06 am

Please don't.
Please talk to someone before starting.
I spoke to a dietician we were already dealing with about helping my son lose some weight (he is very overweight) and she very very very strongly discouraged it.
A child that age should not know about weight and should not be getting on a scale to check it.
Make it a family life style change - not her change.

Start supper with soup, then a salad then a healthy meal. Everyone in the family eats the same.
Make healthy breakfasts (oatmeal, eggs and toast, yogurt with granola and fruit).
Get Nosh out of the house (no danishes, snack bags, chocolate, candy)
Prepare healthy snacks for school (without making her stand out - she already feels bad - and she can really trade if she wants) like popcorn, chummus dip with crackers, fruit leather
Prepare snacks for when she walks in the door - cut fruit or veggies, WW pretzels.
Get rid of all extra unhealthy snacks in your home.
Get the entire family moving - Go biking in the evening, or a long walk, Make Sunday hike day. Do a exersize CD together as a family before going to bed. Offer to get up early to go walking before school (if she would like that type of thing) its also great for 1 on 1 time.

But please never make it about her weight, it could mess up her self esteem and her food habits for life.

(BTW sudden weight gain can be a sign of something else, have you spoken to a dr. My son ended up having sleep apnea. Removing his tonsils didn't bring down his weight - but he is sleeping better.)

Also are you sure her weight is really unhealthy? How tall is shes?

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, May 04 2017, 12:24 am

Please listen to sky. Don't put your daughter on a diet. It will backfire big time.

I was a heavy child. My mother tried to restrict my food intake. She had me on Weight Watchers in middle school already. It didn't work. I felt so constrained with food at home that whenever I was out of my mother's sight I ate anything that I could get my hands on. To this day I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I am more than 100 lbs over my ideal weight and I have no willpower. I always feel hungry when I eat a meal at my parents house, even if I would normally be satisfied. If we spend Shabbos or Yom Tov at my parents then I bring food with me in my suitcase.

The world will send your daughter enough negative messages about her looks and her weight. You need to be a positive influence. Institute healthy habits but don't make it about numbers on a scale.

amother

Blonde

Thu, May 04 2017, 12:48 am

I agree with all the responders. 8 yo is such a young age to start thinking about her weight and look (even if she already does).

Sky's advice is very wise and will protect her from so many things... (Speaking from experience Sad

)
You can also get her into a Zumba class or another fun activity.
Check also what is the reason for that sudden weight gain: could be health reasons but maybe too much screen time with food? Check the reasons and they'll give you answers.

agreer

Thu, May 04 2017, 12:48 am

8 is way too young. let her eat healthy, exercise, and grow. She can diet when she's 18 and finished growing if it's still a problem.

if you want to know how awful you can make your child's life by restricting her food now, read Geneen Roth's books. She describes her life growing up, being ashamed of fat, hiding/sneaking food... it's awful. please don't do it to your daughter.

sky

Thu, May 04 2017, 11:25 am

BTW I don't think it is bad to discuss portion control but it should be the same for everyone.
For example we had tacos one night (a surprisingly nice calorie supper if made with 1/2 lean meat and 1/2 chicken) - I said 3 per person is more then a normal portion so that is what everyone can have. If anyone was still hungry they can take the extra vegetables that were prepared and make a salad with the taco sauce to fill up. But its across the board, not focused on one kid. Both my heavy and skinny kid did that.

SixOfWands

Thu, May 04 2017, 12:22 pm

amother wrote:

NO NO NO NO NO NO

First of all, safe weight loss for an ADULT is only 1 to 2 pounds a week. That's way high for a child.

Second, the goal for a child is usually weight MAINTENANCE not loss, so she'll grow into her weight. If you think that loss should be a goal, please speak to her pediatrician and a nutritionist first.

Third, encourage healthy habits for all your kids. Healthy eating with occasional treats. (Saying "no junk" is punitive and is just not going to work. Saying "gooey dessert for Shabbat lunch; more healthful treats at other times" has a better shot.) And encourage movement. Biking, swimming, dancing. Shabbat afternoon walks.

amother

Burlywood

Thu, May 04 2017, 5:20 pm

You should have a child nutritionist involved for 2 reasons:
1) Even if you're being gentle, you may give her weight and body image issues without even realizing. A child nutritionist is an impartial party and has training on how to do present it well to children.
2) There are many health aspects involved in number of calories and amount of fat and protein needed by a child, and physically you want to make sure that you aren't causing problems.

amother

Babyblue

Thu, May 04 2017, 9:16 pm

Hi, I appreciate the responses. I know it seems like I'm doing something awful for my daughter here, and that is not my intent. On the contrary, I am very aware and sensitive from my own weight struggles and the criticism and ridicule I endured from my parents as a child.

Knowing my child the way I do, I can't bring her to a nutritionist. She is very comfortable talking with me about things but would feel so embarrassed and violated to be brought to a stranger to be weighed or put on any kind of eating program.

I am going on this "diet" with her. I didn't put it to her so much as a "diet" but that we would help each other make good food choices. I told her that I was going to be super strict because I'm an adult but she's still a growing girl and didn't have to do exactly what I was doing. Just that she needed to change her snacks from crackers and chips to fresh fruits and veggies. And that at dinner take smaller portions of rice/potatoes/ etc. and larger portions of veggies and protein. That's all. I already don't have desserts in my house except for shabbos. I have never had sodas or candies here. It's mostly about cutting back on carb portions.

I tried first to just get her more active; I hoped to not even bring this to her attention at all but after overhearing other kids comment on her stomach sticking out and seeing how quickly her new clothes have been getting so tight on her I just felt I needed to do something more. It would be so much better for her to nip this in the bud now.

She's been seen by her doctor. Nothing is wrong with her. She just really likes to eat.

I do feel badly though if it's unreasonable for me to expect her to lose any weight (vs. maintain as she grows as someone mentioned above). I did not give her any goal but told her that we'd check her weight once a week to see how she's doing. I don't want her to feel bad if she's been good but didn't lose anything. Sad

amother

White

Thu, May 04 2017, 9:25 pm

that all sounds great - but an 8 year old shouldn't be put on a scale once a week. The goal should be learning about portion sizing, and being active - not about a number on a scale - especially since she is growing.

Scales are for doctors offices.

shnitzel

Thu, May 04 2017, 9:44 pm

0 pounds is a reasonable weight loss goal for a child. She's growing, a lot of children get "chubby" before puberty and then use that weight to grow taller.

It's great to encourage her to eat more fruits and vegetables but telling her to restrict carbohydrates is setting her up for obesity for and yo yo dieting for the rest of her life. Your on your way to achieving the opposite of your goal.

sky

Thu, May 04 2017, 11:10 pm

Lets say you are careful and have a weight goal of 1 lb per week and it doesn't happen.
How will you feel?
What are you likely to do - continue or give up?

Magnify that 10000% for an 8 year old. Lets say she does all this and gets on the scale week after week and the scale doesn't move.
How will she feel?
What is she likely to learn and do in the future?

amother

Babyblue

Thu, May 04 2017, 11:22 pm

sky wrote:

I get that and I'm totally happy and willing to abandon the idea of weekly weigh-ins (even though I told her we'd try it for a month) but should I measure her? Do anything? I mean, I know when I'm dieting, part of what keeps me going and motivated is seeing the numbers on the scale drop. I want her to have some sort of short-term gratification too - that she can see the results of her efforts. Does that make sense? How do I best accomplish this without doing anything damaging to her?

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, May 04 2017, 11:24 pm

Leave her alone. I think the best thing to do is to be a healthy role model for her. But please leave her, she is only eight years old. If her doc says she is fine, then she is fine.

amother

White

Thu, May 04 2017, 11:55 pm

amother wrote:

why does she need to be measured? The goal is not weight loss - the goal is learning how to eat a balanced diet. Its a life skill. Dieting is not a life skill. Incorporating exercise into your day is a life skill.

Is she protesting not having chips and crackers as a snack? Does she whine about potatoes?

petiteruchy

Fri, May 05 2017, 12:00 am

amother wrote:

You let her live. For goodness sake, she's a CHILD. She shouldn't care about what her body looks like. She's growing and changing every day. Her "reward" is that her tummy is full of good healthy food, her little body can run and jump and ride a bike and dance and be silly. Take her to the park and teach her how to do the monkey bars and encourage her to get up and try again when she falls. Put music on and make your bodies go fast and slow and silly and serious. Let her see that people come in all shapes and sizes and the important thing is that we treat our bodies well and love them for what they let us do.

And FYI, the proper response to children making fun of your daughter's tummy isn't to put her on a diet but to tell them that it's rude and nasty to make comments about other people's bodies and that everyone comes in different shapes and sizes and they're all worthy of respect.

And then put the scale anyway and cross your fingers that you haven't already poisoned your darling, sweet, innocent daughter's mind against her for life. And probably also tell her that Mommy was wrong, little girls shouldn't lose weight because they are still growing and that her body is perfect the way it is.

amother

Gray

Fri, May 05 2017, 12:14 am

One more thing to think about- food can be very soothing, both physically and emotionally. Is there any possible reason she may be overeating? Mild anxiety? Is she the kind of kid who just needs sensation in her mouth, like thumb sucking, pacifiers, ice, nail biting, etc? Maybe it's true that she simply loves food; many of us do. But if there's an underlying cause that you can target, start there.

amother

Burlywood

Fri, May 05 2017, 7:01 am

amother wrote:

Don't weigh her or measure her, or she will learn that self gratification only comes from numbers on a scale. Healthy behavior and self-motivation is it's own reward - other good behaviors that children do aren't measured by numbers either. You want her to be motivated to behave well, just like if she has to brush her teeth or take regular baths/showers or washing her hands - it's part of being a responsible and healthy person. Praise her for her behavior and actions, not the outcome. When they brush their teeth, we don't sit and check how white they are, we just tell them they are supposed to do it and encourage the behavior because it's healthy. That's the important part for her - if she wants to be a healthy weight and be active for her whole life, that's not measured by numbers on a scale, it's measured by whether she is eating healthily and exercising. If numbers on a scale are the only measure, then if she grows up to be average weight, she won't see the importance of eating healthy or exercising at all. Many skinny people are in terrible shape physically because they don't exercise or eat healthy.

And if she doesn't do a good job eating healthy or exercising, it's ok because she is only 8 and only has so much self-control and has her whole life to develop these skills.

Also, cutting back on carbs at meal time is not healthy for an 8 year old - it will cut back on the number and type of calories she is getting (not healthy at this age), and getting those calories from protein (or fat that goes with it in almost all proteins) instead is not the right balance for a child this age nutritionally. In fact, increasing protein over carbs is actually a good way to help a child gain weight (I have a very underweight child, we spend a lot of time at the nutritionist's office). So at meal times, the most important thing is to make sure that what's on her plate is balanced - some carbs, some protein, some veggies. I have no objection to switching her snacks from chips to veggies, as that is healthful, but meal times should be well balanced and no food groups should be restricted. Also, portion sizes should also not be restricted at this age, without express guidance by a doctor or nutritionist - restricting calorie intake for a child is extremely unhealthy. There's a reason why the food pyramid has carbs at the bottom - we need them! Teaching balanced eating is probably the most important life skill needed for developing eating habits later on.

Most importantly, focus on being healthy, rather than on weight, body shape, or anything else.

crbc

Fri, May 05 2017, 7:32 am

Child should not lose weight , should rather "grow into their weight" , meaning they should not gaining lbs until their weight is appropriate for their height (except in some very extreme cases), and I agree with everyone above, wt. scale is for MD offices only, focus on being healthy, "putting healthy food into your body so it works better, exercising so you can become more athletic and stronger", etc.

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