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Why does everyone say 'do whats best for you'?
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 5:31 pm
yksraya wrote:
So lets take your scenerio, you did something you were pressured into and you cried and were upset about it for a very long time. This made you choose your own names for your other kids.

So lets take the PP scenerio. Lets say she did cave in to the pressure of the community norm and stayed at her moms, had a misserable post partum and subsequently it caused depression which led her to never bond with her child properly and the realationship between child and her is still sour 16 yrs later.


We can play the "let's say" game all night. The poster specifically said - first page - that she made this decision because she wanted more personal space and privacy and she was considering what was healthiest and easiest for her.

She did not say that she made this decision worrying about e depression and a terrible relationship with her child 16 years later.

So yeah, I'm going to base my comments on what she wrote, not what she could have possibly meant, etc.


Last edited by marina on Sun, May 07 2017, 5:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 5:33 pm
pause wrote:
So only your example is "different" and you get to do what's best for you, but others don't?


Did you read my example? Lol, the part about how I went along even though I didn't want to? How is that I get to do what's best for me? What are you talking about?
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marina




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 5:49 pm
Do you know about babymoons? Some people do not allow any guests- parents included - to visit for 1 week to 1 month. This is so they can bond with the baby. And when bubby is upset, these people go on forums and rant about their insensitive MILs who are so rude and inconsiderate.

How far do we take all this? Where's your line? Are postpartum women excused from any and all social norms?
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tigerwife




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 6:03 pm
My MIL traveled an hour out of the way to visit me in the hospital post partum, but when she heard from DH how awful I was feeling, she was ready to just drop off the gifts she had bought and leave without disturbing me. Of course I insisted that she come in, but had she been the pushy insensitive type I'm not sure I would have. My birth was pretty standard but I was a wreck afterwards. I don't know why people can't understand that not everyone runs around euphorically hours after birth.
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 6:07 pm
I haven't had any babies yet, but I can't imagine seeing anyone at all after such an experience.

Surely the people who didn't just push a human out of them can wait while the person who did recovers.

Or, what's better? Your milk disappears from the stress of your MIL never leaving and criticizing your every parenting move? Sounds fun.
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amother
Aquamarine


 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 6:10 pm
marina wrote:
Do you know about babymoons? Some people do not allow any guests- parents included - to visit for 1 week to 1 month. This is so they can bond with the baby. And when bubby is upset, these people go on forums and rant about their insensitive MILs who are so rude and inconsiderate.

How far do we take all this? Where's your line? Are postpartum women excused from any and all social norms?


dictating where I go to recuperate is way beyond my line. I had 0 interest in staying with my mother after DD1 was born.... however I was more excited that my mother should meet her DGD1 than I was about meeting her.
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amother
Floralwhite


 

Post Sun, May 07 2017, 7:53 pm
amother wrote:
Oy was I bentched with a mother in law. Thankfully she just left the house with my other kids, but not before arguing that there's no reason for me not to come tonight. My husband stood his ground, but she's really peeved, saying she took him out as a two week old etc and she doesn't know why I'm being so difficult etc. (I'm the one that's being difficult????)

It doesn't help that she's very anti breastfeeding so I can't even bring up why it would be more difficult in my case.

Either way, sorry for the divergence. I just want to say that people like me (people pleasers without much backbone) need to be pushed to put their own needs (perceived as wants until they reach breaking point) first. Everyone has their own threshold of discomfort they can tolerate, and the personalotoed of all people involved play a large role to. Let's use this forum to support each other instead of judging each other.


I know it's moot now, but I think it's your dh's job to stand up to his mother. He has to tell her that you all love her, but she can't come by without giving you a day's notice, at least while the baby is still a newborn.

And if she comes anyway, ya, either stay in your room with the baby or if it's just you at home, don't open the door like others have said. If she's told clearly, then it's very disrespectful for her to ignore your request, imo.
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