How do you define; 1. Self care 2. Being selfish?

crust

Fri, May 05 2017, 4:20 pm

How do you defrentiate between the two?
Feel free to share whatever opinions are. Just please don't bash anyone. Thanks.

Last edited by crust on Fri, May 05 2017, 4:42 pm; edited 1 time in total

newface34

Fri, May 05 2017, 4:36 pm

Self care is taking time for yourself for your mental, physical and emotional health. Whether that's time out of the house or staying home and reading a book alone. Not all of us have the same amount of time we can dedicate to this because all our lives are different. Different kids, different amount of kids, different husbands or lack of, different jobs or lack of... etc

Being selfish is when you are needed yet you just go anyways. You know when you're needed at home, not just wanted but actually needed. Other people are relying on you, yet you run out I find that is selfish. But don't confuse wanting and needing. Everyone has different roles in their homes as well. So you may be able to handle more or less than others.

Zehava

Fri, May 05 2017, 5:11 pm

A. Priorities... it is selfish to put my own or others needs over those of my kids. They should always come first, which sometimes could mean downtime for me so that I don't explode at them. My husband should come before others outside my immediate family. My siblings should come before strangers etc. Mixing up those priorities because giving to strangers makes you feel better, or just doing things for yourself and neglecting those who need you, that's selfish.
Beyond that, beyond your immediate family, noone can judge selfishness. Noone can know how much energy and resources a person had besides that person herself.

yksraya

Fri, May 05 2017, 5:15 pm

Being selfish is when you have an entitled attitude and always expect others to do for you, but at the same time you don't care for others at all.

Self care is giving yourself enough me time, taking care of hygiene. Knowing when to say no if it's something that will get in the way of your shalom bayis or health (physical, emotional and mental), even if that can hurt others feelings sometimes.

pause

Fri, May 05 2017, 5:17 pm

It's the same thing: one has a positive connotation and one has a negative connotation. Sometimes one needs to be selfish in order to be able to continue being selfless.

And thanks for starting this on a forum where anonymous posting is disabled.

ra_mom

Fri, May 05 2017, 5:24 pm

Self care: making sure you are taking care of your needs so that you have the capacity to give to others.

Selfish: not taking others needs into account when making decisions.

The right approach might be to consider everybody's needs and weigh to see who must come first in that specific situation.

Often, it's a little for him and a little for her, so that everybody feels understood, even if nobody gets exactly what they wanted.

Ruchel

Sat, May 06 2017, 6:57 pm

Self care is allowing oneself to be selfish. There are good reasons to be selfish sometimes. Din rodef anyone? But even in daily life, we need some selfishness. If you’re always selfish, now that’s a problem.
Yet again, this idea may not please everyone and/or may be language or cultural...

allcuteonesrtak

Sun, May 07 2017, 10:14 am

Ruchel wrote:

Nope. Not cultural, I feel like this is so on point!
Self care is allowing oneself to be selfish[b]