8 yr old drew disturbing picture - looking for professional

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Denim

Wed, May 10 2017, 12:35 pm

Looking for a professional contact in New York area. My 8 year old son drew a disturbing picture. It was of a man, and there were many speech bubbles with inappropriate statements. A frum man in a mikvah saying inappropriate things. While I don't want to jump to any conclusions, I need to be cognizant of all possibilities. Most importantly, I need to know the correct way to address this. Regardless of whether anything actually happened (and I'm praying that nothing did), it's worrisome that he is exposed to and expressing such things. Need to address this ASAP! Please post the best and most appropriate professionals for this issue and their contact info. Thanks!

amother

Hotpink

Wed, May 10 2017, 12:43 pm

I want to give you a hug and let you know that you sound like an absolutely awesome mom!

Ilovemaryland

Wed, May 10 2017, 1:19 pm

I wouldn't panic if he isn't acting out or doing bad things
My son slways drew pictures of men shooting and stabbing and throwing rockets

All his teachers said he had a very vivid imagination and reads the news too much

amother

Olive

Wed, May 10 2017, 1:21 pm

Does your son go to the mikva? If yes,who is supervising him then?

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, May 10 2017, 1:38 pm

Faigy greenwald is a s@x therapist.

little neshamala

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:12 pm

Ilovemaryland wrote:

Yeah but theres a huge difference between drawing men being guys and acting generally violent, and drawing a man in a mikva saying weird things. A weirdo in a mikva. Eh....

Hooefully nothing happened but OP is definitely doing the right thing.

OP, what was written in the speech bubbles?

crust

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:18 pm

little neshamala wrote:

Agree with everything this post sais.

I would assume a boy that knows mikvah is chassidish so you're probably looking for yiddish speaking person. Scratching Head

crust

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:22 pm

Won't hurt to call Relief. You don't have to go anywhere you are not comfortable but first you'll know you're choices.

FranticFrummie

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:30 pm

OP, I wish you lots of luck finding the right therapist. Good for you for being alert!

I would ask open ended, non leading questions. "That's an interesting picture. Who's that guy? Why do you think he's saying that? Is that someone you know?"

Keep your face and voice curious and neutral, like he was showing you a drawing of a tree. Allow a lot of time between questions, so that he doesn't feel like he's being interrogated.

Just keep it light and conversational, and allow him to talk as much or as little as he wants. His body language will show you as much as his words.

G-d willing, the guy in the picture will just be a cranky old man with a foul mouth, who's complaining that the water is too hot - or something similarly innocent. Hug

PS: Don't mind comments about "who's supervising him?" If you son is old enough to go to a public restroom by himself, then he is old enough to go to the mikva. All the personal safety rules apply in both places, and I'm sure you've already taught him about his "private areas".

amother

Brunette

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:32 pm

Perhaps call JCW. Tell them exactly what happened and they will know whether or not it sounds like something happened. If they think necessary they will be able to direct you. I'm sure they have yiddish speaking therapists in their repertoire as well.

crust

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:36 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

I would ask open ended, non leading questions. "That's an interesting picture. Who's that guy? Why do you think he's saying that? Is that someone you know?"

Keep your face and voice curious and neutral, like he was showing you a drawing of a tree. Allow a lot of time between questions, so that he doesn't feel like he's being interrogated.

Just keep it light and conversational, and allow him to talk as much or as little as he wants. His body language will show you as much as his words..

FF
I was gonna suggest the same thing but I know that to some people, any question in this area agitates them. Not everyone knows how to ask open ended non leading questions. Its not about the ops personal qualifications but rather cultural.

amother

Brunette

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:37 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

FF I think your entire post is perfect and really helpful.

I just want to take issue with your last paragraph - I really don't think an eight year old should be going to mikva himself. Going to a public restroom is incomparable to getting undressed next to other men.

And unfortunately there have been stories in mikvaos - enough that I have heard that apparently there exist those that have video cameras installed and when the police are alerted that something might have occurred then they will check it out (no one else has access).

FranticFrummie

Wed, May 10 2017, 2:54 pm

amother wrote:

I am aware of the mikva horror stories. I also know what goes on in highway rest stops, and shopping mall bathrooms. Perverts can be anywhere. They can be the boy's soccer coach, lurking in the locker room. They can be an older boy at school. They could live across the street and have a new puppy - OR, it could be a misunderstanding.

The important thing is to teach your children RUN, YELL, TELL. That applies no matter where you are.

I believe that you don't assume the very worst first.
Listen with an open and non judgmental mind.
If you have ANY doubt, check it out.

Lita

Wed, May 10 2017, 3:15 pm

If I were you, I'd show the picture to an art therapist.

amother

Slategray

Wed, May 10 2017, 3:22 pm

amother wrote:

I would not go to jcw.

amother

Brunette

Wed, May 10 2017, 3:25 pm

amother wrote:

I would not go to jcw.

The only reason I can think of for that is because you don't hold of molesters getting caught and reported to the authorities. It is that exact mindset which helps abuse become rampant in our communities.

(Though I wasn't telling her to report anything anyway. They help with therapy resources as well.)

treestump

Wed, May 10 2017, 3:26 pm

amother wrote:

I would not go to jcw.

Why not?

yksraya

Wed, May 10 2017, 3:26 pm

FF, mikva's are a sore topic. Unfortunetely it's worse than public restrooms. My ds's are not going to the mikva yet till bar mitzva age. And so do many ppl. Dh also didn't go before bar mitzva.

If someone chooses to take young boys, it should be under full supervision.

amother

Brunette

Wed, May 10 2017, 3:29 pm

amother wrote:

Hug me all you like for the above post. I don't know what sect you anonymous huggers ascribe to, but please note that in the majority of frum communities worldwide we realize how dangerous abuse it and therefore hold that it requires reporting to the secular authorities. (And I'm very right wing too. Yeshivish).

crust

Wed, May 10 2017, 4:03 pm

amother wrote:

You are right. I have no idea whyvsomeine would hug your post.
I don't understand why not JCW? Although they don't have this vast database of therapists that Relief has, especially in the yiddish speaking field, they can still be very helpful.

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