Would you say something or not?

amother

Emerald

Thu, May 11 2017, 9:20 am

When I picked up my kids from school yesterday, a kindergarten-aged kid threw rocks at my car, and aside for multiple scratches, he shattered a window completely.

Would you tell his parents or stay quiet?

amother

Emerald

Thu, May 11 2017, 9:31 am

groovy1224 wrote:

Why would you not tell them? Where was this- no one saw??

It was by pickup. A teacher saw and pulled the kid aside. At the time, t didn't look bad; it appeared to be just a scratch on the tint. But after a while, only once I was home, did the scratch turn into a full-fledged shattered window

mommish613

Thu, May 11 2017, 9:32 am

Don't call the parents directly but do call the school to discuss. Why was there no supervision by pickup?

IMO confronting parents directly will put you in a very uncomfortable situation and may backfire....

singleagain

Thu, May 11 2017, 9:32 am

amother wrote:

Spare the parents the humiliation

I don't think that's a good enough reason. I don't know why the child is acting out. It could be the child is just a bit wild. But any humiliation the parents might feel, will hopefully instead have them turn around and teach the kid that this is not the way to behave.

amother

Emerald

Thu, May 11 2017, 9:38 am

mommish613 wrote:

There is supervision. But sometimes things happen even with supervision.

The school administrator came to pick up my kids because I couldn't drive them like this. He took a picture and will talk to the parents. I do f know why, but I still feel bad for them.

doctorima

Thu, May 11 2017, 10:04 am

I'm surprised that there's an option to stay quiet. Somebody's child endangered you by throwing rocks at your car, which resulted in a decent amount of damage, and you should just ignore it!? Of course the parents should be told and should pay, and the principal should certainly be made aware of this as well, both in terms of this child's behavior, and in terms of the insufficient supervision procedures.

mommish613

Thu, May 11 2017, 10:11 am

amother wrote:

So it looks like you took control of the situation. If he will inform the parents you don't need to cause them added aggravation by calling them yourself. My rule is if it is something that happens on school property the hanhala should serve as a medium.

We once had a situation where my son was bullied terribly by another child on the school bus (which is not on school property so it's iffy). My husband was ready to go down to the child's house and give it to the parents. I begged him to call the principal first. Thankfully he listened to me- the child was going thru major gehenom at his very dysfunctional home. Imagine if my husband would've shown up unannounced to confront the parents. Who knows G-D Forbid how they may have lashed out on the child.

In the end the principal handled the situation very appropriately and it turns out it takes two to tango and my son wasn't so innocent. What the other child did to him was still not excusable but it was dealt with in the right way.

yksraya

Thu, May 11 2017, 10:12 am

amother wrote:

The school admin will talk to the parents. Maybe you just stay in touch with him, and he should be a go between. It happened at school, they should be on top of it.

groovy1224

Thu, May 11 2017, 10:21 am

amother wrote:

They'll probably be a little embarrassed, but if their kid broke your window they have to pay for it. And it's not just your word against their's, the teacher saw. It's uncomfortable but hopefully they'll do the right thing.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, May 11 2017, 3:17 pm

Our windshield was just shattered on our block. The guy who fixed it said most likely by a ball thrown at it judging by how it looked. Of course, no one came forward. We asked around but all kids are denying. We paid the $200+ cost.

Out of curiosity, we asked our rabbi. he said that young children are not mechuyav to pay back ruined things and the parents are not responsible. however, a great rabbi (forget which) said it has become customary among the Jewish ppl for the parents to pay even though they are not halachically obligated to do so.

Miri7

Thu, May 11 2017, 3:24 pm

amother wrote:

Something similar happened to us. As parents, we realized this was a good time to say to our children - hey, we know that accidents happen. So, if one day, you do something that breaks a window or harms someone's property, come and tell us so we can make it right. We won't be mad at you, but will be very proud that you did the right thing and told us. It's important to be careful, but it's also important to take responsibility for the harm you've done.