Toilet training 4 yr old... at wits end...

picklelover

Tue, May 16 2017, 8:07 pm

Parents can be at their wits end with lots of things, not realizing there are tricks and tips out there to help.
And btw, even many behavioral things that kids get diagnosed as adhd or wtvr, sometimes just boil down to the sugar or food coloring or parenting techniques that is really all the kid needs. Or I know of a case of someone who had hearing problems and no professional picked up on it. They just kept labeling the kid with lots of issues when in fact it was a simple ear problem that was fixed with one procedure! Sometimes it's something so simple we need to change as parents instead of labeling the kids and bringing them for therapy for the rest of their lives or putting them on meds or wtvr. Again, I'm not saying there are no kids with issues out there, just saying there are many cases where it's really about some small change and no major issue. And ppl are so quick to label.

amother

Hotpink

Wed, May 17 2017, 11:43 pm

Op here

So yes to clarify I have tried the regular old fashion way. We were going every 10 minutes and he makes number 1 no problem and stretched it half an hour and then an hour and half he has no problem going when told it's the second we don'the tell him that's the problem. I totally agree thats the way to start but then you hope that they starthink telling you when they need. He was in underwear for a good 2 weeks or more with this system. He had a potty watch that rang every hour and he had to go but then he got fed up of the watch (not that I blame him) and now it's dead...
So the point is after many weeks of us reminding him he still doesn't tell us and will have maNY accidents when we are not on top.of it and quite frankly it was training him more then me. I work almost full time and have alot going on come early evening and I was not able to keep up with it anymore.
Plus he was not making number 2 at all levels on the toilet so to add to the stress he was making number 2 in his underwear most days... even if I sat with him for half an hour plus at the time he usually goes he would not but thenot make it soon after he got up...
I don't think he has any constipation issues he goes regularly at least once a day either in the morning or afternoon and doesn't seem.to have any trouble doing it at all.

We ran out of pull ups so I just got him new diapers (that he wears for night anyways) and also new underwear and told him we are not getting any more pull ups because you don't use them properly anyways you just make in them... if you want to try make in the toilet again only underwear (which is a pain for me bc more laundry but hopefully less $s in the long run then pull ups)
He wants pull ups though so I said that when he makes in the toilet in the day then I will get pull ups for him for the night (my older daughter wears them in the night and he looks up to her and considers that a milestone)
At the moment he doesn't seem.to care either way. On the one hand he wants the prizes and the pull up reward and he does want to be like his friends in underwear but he likes the comfort of the diaper I wish I could get to the bottom of why he doesn't ever tell me and why he doesn't make number 2.
I think unless he really intiates before I am going to wait for memorial day weekend when I have that bit more time to give it a concentrated effort (I will be home cooking for shavous anyways...) and then will have shavous right after to continue it so not too much school time and hope I can finally crack it....
It's good to know that I am not alone in this though! It can get so frustrating I have been working hard on not letting it get to me or letting it out on him and so far I think I have been pretty successful. I'm not stressing just looking for solutions...

amother

Slateblue

Thu, May 18 2017, 12:00 am

Op, there is so much for me to say on this topic. I'll try to be brief. You say your son never makes number 2 on the toilet. And you say he is not constipated. What happens here it seems to me is he has fear of making number 2, or had it in the beginning, so he is withholding, meaning holding in poop. This becomes a vicious cycle of bad bathroom behaviors. When he holds in poop, as a result it becomes hard, so it becomes even more scary to poop because it really hurts. Even if you see some soft poop come out, he probably has backup of hard poop in his system. This full rectum puts pressure on his bladder( just like a baby during pregnancy), so he constantly needs to run and pee, and it also affects his sensation. And the cycle continues. If you live in lakewood like I do run to chop gastro! It sounds like you have tried everything on your part. But this cycle of learned behaviors of withholding, not telling you when he needs to go, etc will just be harder to fix the longer you leave it alone. Potty watch is only good for regular training, not kids with prolonged problems, I tried so many of them. Please make your life easier. Been there done that; my daughter is 5 and since starting at chop I'm finally hopefully seeing results. But it's long and hard. Good luck!

amother

Chocolate

Thu, May 18 2017, 5:36 am

My son had this at age 4 and 5. (withholding poop till he was wearing a pullup or just having accidents in his underwear. He was later diagnosed as being on the ASD spectrum, although he is very high functioning.

Our drs initial advice to give him laxatives is what worked eventually. Our GP and the specialist we went to told us the same thing.

Good luck, it's not easy.

My 3 year old (almost 4 now) also took a lot longer to train for number 2 but I persisted with underwear, no pull ups. Nothing doing. We promised him whatever toy he wanted, no luck. He was also having accidents at night and I was using bedmats and changing the sheets. 2 weeks ago I got fed up of this and put pull ups on him at night. I have no idea if there is a connection but the next day he started pooping on the toilet! He still has occasional accidents but he is also mostly dry at night and during the day.