Tenaim at wedding - Not Chassidish

amother

Magenta

Sun, May 14 2017, 9:23 am

If you are not chassidish- did you sign a tenaim (contract) at your wedding?

Eta-:
I know what a tenaim is.
I know chassidish ppl sometimes sign it at earlier (at the tenaim engagement party) or at the wedding.
I'm asking specifically for those who ARENT chassidish

amother

Lawngreen

Sun, May 14 2017, 9:52 am

I am Chasidish I did it at the vort tenoyim. But most of my family does it at the chasuna.

Sadie

Sun, May 14 2017, 9:56 am

I wasn't in the same room at the time but after the wedding I saw the video of my dad and FIL raising handkerchiefs at each other and my mom and MIL breaking a plate. I suppose that was the tenoyim? I don't know if it was actually binding in any way or just symbolic since there were no actual conditions attached to our engagement in terms of gifts or support or anything like that.

doctorima

Sun, May 14 2017, 9:56 am

Yes, at that point it's only a formality, but I think it's become pretty standard.

amother

Magenta

Sun, May 14 2017, 10:10 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Yes. Everyone does.

I didn't. I feel odd. R u sure?

amother

Magenta

Sun, May 14 2017, 10:13 am

Sadie wrote:

But YOU didn't sign anything?

cnc

Sun, May 14 2017, 10:25 am

amother wrote:

I didn't. I feel odd. R u sure?

I was also under the impression that everyone does but we had this discussion previously and a Litvish poster said that not everyone does.

dimyona

Sun, May 14 2017, 10:35 am

At some weddings the kallah's father signs on her behalf, so the women won't even know it happened.

That's what happened at my wedding, even though it was a chassidish wedding, and I was used to having a bigger deal made about it.

gold21

Sun, May 14 2017, 10:43 am

Don't remember signing anything, but I know my mom and mother in law broke a plate... Maybe they took care of the tenoim? Not sure

zaq

Sun, May 14 2017, 11:18 am

Mine was signed by two eidim. I did go through some symbolic mumbo jumbo involving raising a handkerchief that the rabbi told me meant I was making a kinyan, but what or who I was buying or selling remains a mystery to this day.

Nobody I know signed her own tnoyim but I have seen wedding pics of kallah signing something. I assumed it was the civil marriage license.

The ketubah is also a legal contract and it is also signed by witnesses, not by the two parties to the contract.

mommy3b2c

Sun, May 14 2017, 11:19 am

amother wrote:

I didn't. I feel odd. R u sure?

You wouldn't necessarily know about it. I think most kallahs aren't even there when it's done.

cnc

Sun, May 14 2017, 11:40 am

zaq wrote:

I'm almost sure that I signed mine- I'll have to go check the pictures to confirm. I got my civil marriage license during Sheva Brachos.

Shuly

Sun, May 14 2017, 2:07 pm

They brought me a pen and told me to lift it up, but I didn't sign anything.
I do have the tenoyim paper, along with my kesubah. Both are only signed by eidim.

amother

Coral

Sun, May 14 2017, 3:12 pm

No tenoyim, though that may be because family are a mix of BTs, FFBs who've moved so many times in the past 4 generations nobody remembers what the original family minhag was, and FFBs who are women so the fact that there were tenoyim at their brothers' kids weddings doesn't necessarily mean we were supposed to. Dh did sign my ketuba as per local minhag.

amother

Magenta

Sun, May 14 2017, 5:36 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

You wouldn't necessarily know about it. I think most kallahs aren't even there when it's done.

My question was did the you (the kallah) sign.. u said yes.. if u aren't there then how did u sign it?!