Won't poop in the toilet

amother

Scarlet

Mon, May 15 2017, 2:00 am

My 3 year old was trained right after pesach with almost no wet accidents at all.
She even has started to stay dry when sleeping. But for some reason she will almost NEVER poop in the toilet.
I'm at my wits ends. what should I do?
If this makes any difference she is a very structured controlled kid that hates any kind of dirt or chaos.

amother

Azure

Mon, May 15 2017, 4:02 am

I had exactly the same thing with two of my kids. It's so frustrating! All I can tell you is, the more pressure you put on the child, the more they will remain stubborn. Offer a diaper, be really calm and don't make it into an issue, and soon your child will come round when she feels secure. Even bribery and rewards are a form of pressure, so avoid overdoing it. I bought a treat for the big moment and showed it to my child, then put it away in the closet. Every so often, I'd mention it. It took a good few weeks, but eventually we got there. Mine is also a clean freak, but after the first success, she realised that it's much cleaner in the toilet. Good luck!

CEF

Mon, May 15 2017, 4:03 am

I once heard a health professional say something really interesting on this matter. She took a 'freudian' approach and said that a child's excrement is part of them . When they get rid of it, they are getting rid of a part of themselves. This can be emotional for them. If you imagine sitting on the toilet and your 'part of you' not only comes out of you but disappears down a hole never to be seen again then this could be near-traumatic for a child! The solution: let them sit on a potty (is that a term also used in American English?) . Once they have done their business, make a real song and dance about it. 'Good job! Wow, look at that!' Etc Let them look at it, examine it, 'own it' and when they are happy to say 'byebye' to it, help them flush it down the toilet themselves.
Hatzlocha.

amother

Sapphire

Mon, May 15 2017, 5:33 am

Put a diaper on her, for as long as she wants. Believe me, she'll do it when she's ready.
My oldest DS used to hold his poop in for 2-3 days, we used to 'force' him to sit on the toilet, we often had to give him laxatives. It was painful for hm (physically and emotionally, and for us).

My 6th DD also didn't want to poop in the toilet, so I put a diaper on her every time she wanted. She always went to the toilet for pee, and diaper for poop. Probably for a year. I made no deal of it.

After a few months though, I bought her a gift (her choice - a doll) and kept it in the cupboard for when she goes to the bathroom to poop. She wasn't desperate for the doll, she more or less forgot about it, and I never mentioned it. A few months after we had bought it, she happened to see it in the cupboard, remembered it, and said I want to go to the bathroom. I sat with her, she did it, got her doll, b"H end of story.

I so much so see the difference between my stressed-out reaction to my DS, and my reaction to my DD. It'll come. Please don't put pressure on your child.

amother

Indigo

Wed, May 24 2017, 12:04 pm

just in case your child is constipated and has slow motility this will not work. you might need some professional intervention. like my kid needed. he was wonderfuly trained and then at 4.5 he started to withold. for some reason I never knew why. it got so out of control he couldnt control it and got impacted. and I usually didnt say anything. he also had constipation from before he was trained from when he was newborn. so it wasnt just fear. in the end he was diagnosed with encopresis. bh hes doing so much better with intervention. its not always so easy and happy ending.