Should my son be responsible to lay out the money?

amother

Turquoise

Mon, May 15 2017, 5:43 pm

My son's Rebbi gave him the responisibilty to collect money from each boy from the class for the lag baomer barbeque and buy all the food. A few of the boys did not pay and when my son went to buy the food with his friend he used his credit card which is technically mine to pay for the food. My son hands me the store's receipt and the money he collected. Obvioussly he paid for all the boys that did not chip in. Now he has to go chase the kids for the money. Was it his responsibility to lay out the money or should of he just bought food with the cash he collected? This is not the first time this happened.

ra_mom

Mon, May 15 2017, 6:07 pm

He should not be using your credit card. He should use the money he collected and purchase only as many items as he has money for.

He may decide he wants to buy a cheaper item or less items and those who didn't pay will have to forgo.

SixOfWands

Mon, May 15 2017, 6:24 pm

He should not have been asked to collect money, he should not have been asked to make the purchases, and he should not have been asked to lay out money.

It sounds to me like the rebbe knew exactly what he was doing. He knew some boys wouldn't pay; there's always some who never pay. And that the bill would exceed the receipts. He chose an easy mark, and that was your generous and trusting son.

If you can afford it, tell the school that you expect a receipt for those funds as a charitable donation. If you can't afford it, tell your son that he needs to tell the rebbe that some boys didn't pay, and the rebbe now needs to take action.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, May 15 2017, 6:40 pm

I can't see the school giving a tax deductible receipt. It's just not the first time my son used the credit card to lay out money for other kids. Any advice how to stop this practice?
I did pass a comment to my son this morning that why couldn't he just buy food with the cash he had and he said I was right. I think its weird that he feels like he has to collect charity from these kids.

ra_mom

Mon, May 15 2017, 6:43 pm

amother wrote:

Put boundaries in place with your son about what he can and cannot charge to your credit card.
If you're not comfortable with him collecting and purchasing for the class, then depending on his age, either tell him he needs to tell his teacher that his mom doesn't let him take on this responsibility anymore, or call the teacher directly and make it clear.

Orchid

Mon, May 15 2017, 6:43 pm

amother wrote:

Any advice how to stop this practice?

Yes. Tell your son you don't let him use "his" credit card for such purposes anymore (unless he has all cash in hand).

You sound very passive. This practice stops the second you make it stop.

Orchid

Mon, May 15 2017, 6:46 pm

amother wrote:

I did pass a comment to my son this morning that why couldn't he just buy food with the cash he had and he said I was right.

Also, it's your credit card - your money. Why do you resort to "passing a comment?" Why not say straight out, "son, I do not let you do this anymore."
Why do you even care that he thinks you're right? You don't need his approval to have rules tied to his use of your credit card.

groovy1224

Mon, May 15 2017, 9:21 pm

I'm surprised so many people think that the answer is just for OP to talk to her son.

What about the rebbi?? He is putting your son in an extremely uncomfortable position. Running after people for money is something many adults struggle with, and he expects a high schooler to be able to handle it?

The rebbi should collect the money, and either give your son the cash or the school should write him a check for the total on the receipt and give the cash to the school. Let them either go after the money, or just cover whoever didn't pay. It's completely not okay that he's puttong this on your son/you.

MagentaYenta

Mon, May 15 2017, 9:27 pm

I'd be pretty upset if a school used my CC as their interest free bank. And I would be spitting mad if my son were made to collect for them. My kids were never tools.

Last edited by MagentaYenta on Mon, May 15 2017, 9:32 pm; edited 1 time in total

Orchid

Mon, May 15 2017, 9:30 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

The Rebbe is wrong, for sure, especially since OP says this has happened before. But ultimately, she can't stop the rebbe from doing this, but she sure should be able to stop the way her son uses her credit card in a way she disapproves of.

familyfirst

Mon, May 15 2017, 10:23 pm

Tell your son he is not to collect money anymore. He is welcome to do the shopping with the money that is collected.

As for this past time, tell hi he either uses his own money to pay you back or tell the teacher to get it from the other boys. Get teacher involved.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, May 15 2017, 10:56 pm

What bothers me also the two boys that went with him to pick up the food still owe him the money. Those boys saw him use the credit card to pay.

imeinu

Mon, May 15 2017, 11:04 pm

I don't get the issue people have with a H.S. boy collecting money from classmates. We are training our kids to be responsible and "klal" minded.
He is doing something for the benefit of the class. Should he be spending your money without permission? No. If it bothers you and you are not "mochel" on it then he should be responsible for what he did and get the money from the boys who did not yet pay. They ate the food, they also have a responsibility to pay.
In H.S. I was in charge of collecting the money for the yearbook.
I don't see how this is so different than a kid-run lemonade sale, sending a kid to the grocery, or any other responsibility building activity in the financial realm.

imeinu

Mon, May 15 2017, 11:08 pm

amother wrote:

What bothers me also the two boys that went with him to pick up the food still owe him the money. Those boys saw him use the credit card to pay.

Any boy over bar mitzva would have a chiyuv to pay. You aren't doing any favors by keeping quiet.
Your son should go back to those boys or enlist the Rebbe for help in getting the money. The Rebbe would hopefully want to know. I see it as a great teachable moment.
Any boy who can "steal" from others should not be getting a passing grade.

Aylat

Tue, May 16 2017, 6:37 am

I think it's great for high school kids to be given responsibility and the chance to learn how to organise events and people. Sure, your son made a mistake when he laid out for the people who hadn't paid. That's part of learning. Better for him to make this kind of mistake as a teen when the stakes are lower, than in business deals or loans as an adult. And it sounds like you did a good job getting him to think about it and recognise for himself how he could have handled it better.

The next step is to brainstorm with him how to deal with the situation he is in now. Put a list on the class noticeboard showing who has paid and who hasn't (mark them in red)? Call those kids at home and mention it to the parents? Bring it to the rebbe or the school admin, ask them for the money and hand over responsibilty for collecting the debt to them? There are a variety of ways to handle this, what does he think will work best?