VENT: so upset with DDs playgroup

amother

Vermilion

Mon, May 22 2017, 7:12 pm

I'm so upset right now. When I picked up 4 yo DD from playgroup today the teacher informed me that DD did not cooperate at school today. She stood by the door all day and didn't eat lunch or do arts n crafts or cooperate in any way. This is unusual but I figured maybe because she has a cold she wasn't in the mood. The teacher was mad and said she won't tolerate this kind of behavior.

I got home and DDs skirt and underwear were wet. She told me they were wet from the rain but after I asked her a couple more questions she admitted she had an accident at school and was scared to tell the teacher. So she stood around all day in her wet things because she didn't want to sit in a chair because obviously it was uncomfortable to sit in her wet clothes.

DD ate 3 times as much as she usually does after school. So that means she was hungry all day too.

I'm fuming mad. How could the teacher not notice this?? Didn't anyone notice she didn't use the bathroom all day? Didn't they realize that if her behavior is so out of the ordinary, something is wrong?

I haven't been happy with the playgroup for months already. My DD acts very shy in playgroup, very different to how she acts at home. She's clingy evey morning and doesn't want to go in. Since she started there this year, she got clingier at home too. But otherwise at home she seems totally fine.

The teacher is a very no nonsense inflexible type. There is no one to even talk to. If I tell the teacher what happened, I bet she'll scold DD for not telling her she had an accident.

I'm sick about this and if I didn't have to work I'd keep DD home the next 6 weeks until the year is over.

OutATowner

Mon, May 22 2017, 7:22 pm

As a mother and teacher, I am horrified. 4 years old!! If I could not get the child to open up I would call the mother and ask if she has any suggestions or could shed light on the unusual behavior. This child needs a hug and reassurance, not a scolding from the teacher!
Aa for the cold-many people use the term lightly. I have students blowing their nose several times a day, but nothing to keep them home for.
So sorry OP. Sad

trixx

Mon, May 22 2017, 7:57 pm

amother wrote:

there's your red flag
is there any way to switch play groups or something until the year is over? work out a babysitting arrangement even if that means paying more (if possible)?
I definitely would look for a new place for next year

MinnieMa

Mon, May 22 2017, 9:30 pm

FOllow your instinct and your child's. 6 weeks left to school and your daughter is still clinging to you is a sign she doesn't feel happy/safe there. A child needs to feel safe and loved in order to learn and grow- it doesn't sound like she's getting that in this playgroup. Some children adjust to someone like that and it doesn't phase them, but some children shut down and it can set them back. I had that problem with my child and I lost a year of his growth due to his playgroup... bh he's in an amazing loving morah playgroup this year and is flourishing. The whole year last year he wouldn't be happy to go, he would take a while to smile when I picked him up. This year he waits every morning till he can go to school! You need to know in your heart what's best for your child. You're the only one who can advocate for her

amother

Lime

Mon, May 22 2017, 11:55 pm

Is there an administrator you can talk to about this? Is there are alternate class for the same age group?

As a preschool teacher assistant I can tell you this wouldn't happen in our classroom. If there's a child behaving in this manner and we aren't able to figure out what's bothering them we make sure to tell our administrator who tries to get the child to explain what's bothering them or calls the parent to let them know.

But let's say that even if this was the "norm" for your child that she's usually quiet and by the door and doesn't want to do the craft activities and such it's sad the teacher was upset about that.

amother

Black

Tue, May 23 2017, 12:26 am

Is it the teacher's fault the kid is shy? How exactly is a teacher supposed to figure it out that the kid is wet if she didn't tell her? And besides the kid was scared to tell you as well?
Is it the teacher's fault the kid was stubborn and refused to eat!? What did you want the teacher to do, stuff bread down the kids throat? The kid is probably giving the teacher a run for her money and not listening to her.
I am the administrative department (not in your child's school) and that's how I see it.

MagentaYenta

Tue, May 23 2017, 12:30 am

amother wrote:

The child is only 4. Rolling Eyes

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 23 2017, 1:04 am

She has a slight cold. Just congested nose, no fever, normal appetite etc.

I wish the teacher would have called me!!! She acts shy in school and extremely clingy every morning when I drop her off but this is the first time she refused to eat or do arts and crafts or even sit down.

She also needed to use the bathroom emergency when we got home, it was obvious that since the accident she'd been holding it for hours.

This was literally the only playgroup in my area that would take 3-4 year olds. Most kids this age go to a school nursery but the school I send to starts from kindergarten age 4-5. I had no other options. I STILL have no other options.

The playgroup is licensed, but you know what, the playgroup I sent her to when she was 2-3 yo wasn't licensed and was run by such a warm caring affectionate wonderful woman, DD still talks about her sometimes a year later!

I've been trying to get to the bottom of why she's so unhappy this year but I can't put my finger on it. My gut says that like MinnieMa says, this teacher is just not a good fit for my DD and she's setting her back, and DD doesn't feel safe there for some reason.

Another example of something I was upset about earlier in the year: DD was shy to ask for anything. Instead of calling the teachers name she'd go over to the teacher and wait quietly for the teacher to notice her and ask what she wanted. So the teacher decided the best way to handle this was to ignore DD unless she spoke up.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 23 2017, 1:15 am

amother wrote:

I asked DD if any of her accident went on the floor and if anyone cleaned it up and she told me she wiped it around with her boot. Since you seem to have all the answers please explain to me how a classroom with 1 teacher and 3 assistants gets to a point where a child is so completely ignored that no one notices she is standing in a puddle. It was raining today. Maybe they thought it was rainwater. 🙄

amother

Bisque

Tue, May 23 2017, 1:53 am

I had a similar situation with a child of mine and his friend in a 3 yr old playgroup. The morah didn't care if our kids stood on the side all day , didn't tell me if he hadn't eaten his lunch or snack, nothing. Also very stiff, inflexible person. Wouldn't let my son finish his lunch if he ate more slowly than the other kids.
But , so many other mothers liked her, I don't know if their kids were different types of children, or they liked her strict style.
I hope you can find a better place for your child soon!

amother

Aqua

Tue, May 23 2017, 4:08 am

Why didn't u start her in the school nursery if the teachers are better? You could easily switch her school the next year if the school u want doesn't have a nursery program. When ur child is in such a miserable olaygroup, u as a her protector, should have come up with a solution months ago. She's a scared 4 year old who needed her mother. 6 weeks before the school year is up is not the time to suddenly wake up.

little neshamala

Tue, May 23 2017, 7:32 am

How awful OP. Im so sorry. Your daughter feels so unsafe, and as difficult as this is (im a full time working mom-I know exactly how difficult what im about to say is), I would not send her back there for even one more day.

The teacher's approach sounds horrific. She purposely ignores your daughter in an effort to make her speak up???!! That in itself speaks volumes. No this is not about her not being "the right fit for your daughter". This woman is not the right fit for any child.

I know you feel like you have no options. But sending your daughter in to this emotionally terrifying place for her (rightly so!)is not not not ok. And for a child the day seems double as long, and feels like much longer than 6 weeks. The poor bubbala.

Please, hire a babysitter to watch her if you cant find anything else. Shes not missing that much educationally-you can.make sure she knows her shapes and colors on your own time.

little neshamala

Tue, May 23 2017, 7:33 am

amother wrote:

You are in the administrative department of a school and you dont see the problem with the teachers attitude and classroom management style???