S/o naming baby same name as sibling - honoring parent

amother

Cerise

Thu, May 25 2017, 9:14 am

Politely asking -

Why is it an honor to a parent to name a child after their parent (name baby after his great-grandparent)?

Is it kibbud av v'aim only if they ask you do it it, or always?

We named after my FIL's mother. It meant a lot to FIL, but I never considered it in the category of kibbud Av.

Perhaps I need a refresher on what it means to be kibbud Av v'aim as a grown-up... because as a child it basically meant 'do what your parents tell you'.

amother

Salmon

Thu, May 25 2017, 9:24 am

I posted in the other thread that I have an ugly name because my parents wanted to honor their parents. Their thinking was that giving a name is one of the few things that children can do for their parents. There's some truth and beauty to that idea. It's kind and it makes some people feel good. Is it within the definition of the mitzvah? I doubt it.

amother

Cerise

Thu, May 25 2017, 9:28 am

amother wrote:

It is beautiful. I think of it more as a gift than an honor? maybe there is an over-lap?

amother

Lime

Thu, May 25 2017, 9:45 am

I think as well as it being a gift and great honor for the deceased, it brings comfort to your parents and is a huge chessed esp if you did it for them and didn't particularly like the name. is it a mitzvah? probably not on its own. but it definitely brings the parents honor. so why not?
remember that they would probably name their own child that name if they could but they're likely not having kids any more.
when I name for my or my dh's grandparents, I feel touched and grateful when my parents/inlaws cry with emotion when they hear the name. (There was one time I named for someone on my mils side who she was very close to. she had no reaction, never said anything nice about it and I wished I hadn't bothered.)
know your parents, but if you know what would make them so happy, why on earth not? if your own parents were gone, wouldn't u use their names??

amother

Cerise

Thu, May 25 2017, 10:16 am

amother wrote:

know your parents, but if you know what would make them so happy, why on earth not? if your own parents were gone, wouldn't u use their names??

perhaps I'm not the greatest daughter - but my parents happiness is only a fraction in my decision making.

And to your second question - this is a reality in my family, and we did not.

amother

Burlywood

Thu, May 25 2017, 10:22 am

I never understood why kibud av vem is suddenly so important when naming babies. If your parents said it would mean so much to us if you painted your living room blue would you do it? Is that kibbud av vem? How about buying a house on a specific block? Sending your kids to a certain school?
For me naming a child is one of those huge decisions that I don't allow anyone else's opinion to influence me. If I name after a grandparent it's because I want to. Not because my parents want me to.

amother

Linen

Thu, May 25 2017, 10:58 am

amother wrote:

This!

There are a lot of things that would make my mother happy. If I lived near them (we're a long flight away). If I told her every little detail of my life (needless to say, I don't). If I shared my IF struggles with her (no way!). If I had a 24/7 webcam in my house so she could talk to the kids whenever she wants (lol). If I named my next baby (iy"H) after her mother, without any modifications (I couldn't bring myself to do it to the poor child, and even my grandmother never went by that name).

Yes, it made my father very happy when I named my son after his father, but it's a normal name and we have to know where the boundaries are. You can't always make everyone happy and you shouldn't have to.

Chayalle

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:05 am

I remember learning something about this in high school - that if you name your child after someone, that person has a hashpaah - influence - on your child, and it gives them pleasure in Olam Habah. If this is part of your religous/cultural belief, then it's not just honoring your parent, but it's giving them a certain continuity in this world.

That's why people are careful to name after someone that they would want their child to have that kind of spiritual connection to.

A relative of mine was telling me that it bothers her when she's asked to name after great-great-great grandparents whom no one alive knew, for this reason. She said, how do we even know if that person was a nice person, someone I'd want my child to carry their name?

amother

Cerise

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:09 am

Chayalle wrote:

Right totally agree. So why is it an honor to newborn's grandparent when newborn is given name of his/her great-grandparent?

PinkFridge

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:15 am

amother wrote:

Right totally agree. So why is it an honor to newborn's grandparent when newborn is given name of his/her great-grandparent?

Because the grandparent presumably remembers the great-grandparent.

I'm grateful that we know the names, and that we know so much about the people whose names we have. (And then there were some names I would definitely have used had I had more kids even had I not been able to find out about them, because I like the names.) But bottom line is, the parents have the ruach hakodesh and it's their decision. What I tell my kids is that, as I said, b"H we know the names, they were good people, but all I ask is that whatever name you choose, make sure it's something your kid can live with it.

Chayalle

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:17 am

amother wrote:

Right totally agree. So why is it an honor to newborn's grandparent when newborn is given name of his/her great-grandparent?

Really the honor is for the departed person...but people tend to take this very personally - like, you are giving this pleasure to my parent, and that is an honor for me.

I remember when my nephew was born, both of my grandfathers were no longer living. My sister asked R' Shmuel Kaminetsky which grandfather's name to choose, and he told her to name him after my father's father, because my father's mother is still living, ad meah v'esrim, and it will give her pleasure too...so we honor the living first.

Chayalle

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:20 am

PinkFridge wrote:

That really is something to be grateful for. I feel like we know so little. So many family members perished in the holocaust, and my grandparents found it painful to share their memories. It's only recently that my grandmother is talking. So we have the names, without an identity to go along with that.

amother

Cerise

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:27 am

Chayalle wrote:

Thanks. I guess I'm still stuck on the difference between kavod and happiness/pleasure. I'm going to find a book to read Smile

PinkFridge

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:30 am

Chayalle wrote:

To be honest, some we've known more about than others. But "s/he was shomer Shabbos and remembered fondly" is more than enough for me. (Not that people don't have fine ancestors who weren't observant, I'm just saying that's what I know in some cases. Which is actually a pretty great legacy, when you think of it...)

SixOfWands

Thu, May 25 2017, 11:31 am

Its an honor to your parents to name your child after their parents (that is, the baby's great-grandparents).

But that doesn't make it a DIShonor not to, in most cases. Or, more to the point, its not disrespect.

I mean, sure. Chas' vshalom, beloved granny dies, and 2 days later you give birth. You decide to name the baby after your second grade teacher, who already has 9 grandchildren named after her, because she gave you your favorite candy on Friday, instead of granny. Kind of cold.

But grandpa who died 3 years ago, already has several babies named after him, and its not a name you'd like to use? Not disrespectful.

amother

Oak

Sun, May 28 2017, 5:45 am

I don't think it means an honor, as in "Honor thy mother and father" - it just means an honor, as in "Oh what an honor that you chose me to give the opening speech at the event".

You are honoring them by using their parent's name. But it is not a chova, like honoring your mother and father from the Torah mitzvah.

amother

Copper

Sun, May 28 2017, 9:21 am

I know of someone who lost a mother around the time the Chabad Rebbetzin had just passed away. He was contemplating what to name his daughter. The Rebbe told him that kibud aim is to name after his recenty departed mother.

amother

Coffee

Sun, May 28 2017, 9:32 am

amother wrote:

I can't even understand the question. How can someone consider naming after a rebbetzin not related to him, when his own mother was just niftar?

amother

Copper

Sun, May 28 2017, 9:33 am

My grandfather recently passed away. That night a cousin had a boy. When the Rav came to be Menachem avel and was told of the birth of the great child he quoted from a sefer that naming during Shiva (or born during shiva and naming a few days after) besides being a comfort for the family, brings a special Aliya for the neshama.