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S/o naming baby same name as sibling - honoring parent
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amother
Cerise


 

Post Sun, May 28 2017, 9:38 am
amother wrote:
My grandfather recently passed away. That night a cousin had a boy. When the Rav came to be Menachem avel and was told of the birth of the great child he quoted from a sefer that naming during Shiva (or born during shiva and naming a few days after) besides being a comfort for the family, brings a special Aliya for the neshama.


that resonates with me.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 28 2017, 9:40 am
amother wrote:
I can't even understand the question.


Oh, that's easy.
As recent as it was, maybe the mother already had a name. But the Rebbetzin had no children or grandchildren to choose her name for their babies.
And the nifteres might have appreciated their thoughtfulness, or done the same herself had she been young enough.
(Not saying I would have myself, but it's easy to see their viewpoint.)
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amother
Coffee


 

Post Sun, May 28 2017, 9:55 am
PinkFridge wrote:
Oh, that's easy.
As recent as it was, maybe the mother already had a name. But the Rebbetzin had no children or grandchildren to choose her name for their babies.
And the nifteres might have appreciated their thoughtfulness, or done the same herself had she been young enough.
(Not saying I would have myself, but it's easy to see their viewpoint.)


But if the mother didn't have a name, and she wouldn't have appreciated the baby being named for someone else (which is speculation, true), then would you agree that it shouldn't even have been a question?

A friend was in a similar situation where the baby was named after the Rebbe instead of a grandfather (and no babies were named for the grandfather yet), and it did cause plenty of hurt feelings.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 28 2017, 9:57 am
amother wrote:
But if the mother didn't have a name, and she wouldn't have appreciated the baby being named for someone else (which is speculation, true), then would you agree that it shouldn't even have been a question?

A friend was in a similar situation where the baby was named after the Rebbe instead of a grandfather (and no babies were named for the grandfather yet), and it did cause plenty of hurt feelings.


I understand that.
I've been very heartened when my kids use the "right" names, but I never expect it.
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agreer




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 28 2017, 1:37 pm
amother wrote:
Politely asking -

Why is it an honor to a parent to name a child after their parent (name baby after his great-grandparent)?


Because anything you do to make your parents happy is a form of honoring them - buying them clothing/presents, showing respect, etc. How much "bigger" can it get than naming your own flesh and blood a name that will give them such comfort?

B"H most of us having children haven't lost parents yet, but ask anyone who has - it is such a good feeling to have someone to call after your parent... It's like a part of them is still here.

After I named my baby after my grandfather, my uncle (father's brother) called me and left the most beautiful message. Even though it was his great-nephew being called after his father, he was so happy to have the name around. He felt so connected to his father A"h. My father was so, so happy.

To me, making your parents happy = honoring them.

Also... if your Ashkenazi and it's part of your family's minhag, then it is a big deal to not name after one's ancestor. If it was never part of your family's minhag, than it may not be such a big deal.

amother wrote:

Is it kibbud av v'aim only if they ask you do it it, or always?


Always - if it makes them happy. If they hated their parent and it will upset them, obviously it's not a form of honor.

amother wrote:
We named after my FIL's mother. It meant a lot to FIL, but I never considered it in the category of kibbud Av.

Perhaps I need a refresher on what it means to be kibbud Av v'aim as a grown-up... because as a child it basically meant 'do what your parents tell you'.


I am sure you can discuss more with a Rav, but everything you do to make your parent happy is part of honoring them.

As an adult, you still have to do what your parents ask/need, but they become lower on the priority list - your husband and children come first.

BTW - I too am names after my great-grandmother. My grandmother and her siblings loved me something special, a little extra, because I carried her exact name. They were Holocaust survivors, and it was such a special thing for my mother to do, to give them that joy. She didn't particularly love her grandmother, but she loved her mother, and that's why she named me after her mother's mother. She grew to love the name (it isn't the prettiest or most common) and my grandmother was happy for 30+ years because I had her mom's name.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, May 28 2017, 4:51 pm
Chayalle wrote:
Really the honor is for the departed person...but people tend to take this very personally - like, you are giving this pleasure to my parent, and that is an honor for me.

I remember when my nephew was born, both of my grandfathers were no longer living. My sister asked R' Shmuel Kaminetsky which grandfather's name to choose, and he told her to name him after my father's father, because my father's mother is still living, ad meah v'esrim, and it will give her pleasure too...so we honor the living first.


Its interesting - because we also asked R' Shmuel about a name for one of our children between 2 grandfathers - and it sounded like you should name after the father's father father first if applicable. But he told us to take other specific items into consideration and speak to my FIL to see if that is what he preferred.
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