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Help me be dan l'chav zechus
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amother
Ivory


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:28 am
A family in the neighborhood owes us significant money of accumulated rent. They no longer rent from us and haven't paid back. Saw them shopping when I was in Costco. Tried really, really hard to avoid them as I would imagine it would be awkward. Couldn't help but notice some of their cart items before I turned the other way. I really really didn't want to see, but I did. Anyway, bottled water??? Cases of it??? When you owe people thousands(not just us, they borrowed from others- mail still comes to the apartment we own)??? Is it possible to be that clueless about finances that you would spend on water?
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:32 am
amother wrote:
A family in the neighborhood owes us significant money of accumulated rent. They no longer rent from us and haven't paid back. Saw them shopping when I was in Costco. Tried really, really hard to avoid them as I would imagine it would be awkward. Couldn't help but notice some of their cart items before I turned the other way. I really really didn't want to see, but I did. Anyway, bottled water??? Cases of it??? When you owe people thousands(not just us, they borrowed from others- mail still comes to the apartment we own)??? Is it possible to be that clueless about finances that you would spend on water?



some people are totally clueless about finances (talking from experience) and anyway how much is bottled water? wont help them get to the thousands of dollars they owe you if they don't buy it.
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farm




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:35 am
Disagree. Every little bit adds up. The $5 you might spend on 2 cases of water at Costco could be saved. Plus the whole attitude of once you're in debt, $5 won't make a difference leads to more and more debt and poor choices.
I guess that yes, they are that clueless. Or maybe someone asked them to pick up water from Costco as a favor, and it wasn't for them.
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amother
Natural


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:35 am
It sounds really hard to be DL"Z in this situation. Personally I wouldn't focus on DL"Z. I'd focus on the fact that you will get every penny owed to you by Hashem, and Hashem will have a cheshbon with them about what they owe. Hashem is perfectly just and will make sure everyone gets what they deserve.
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debsey




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:38 am
amother wrote:
A family in the neighborhood owes us significant money of accumulated rent. They no longer rent from us and haven't paid back. Saw them shopping when I was in Costco. Tried really, really hard to avoid them as I would imagine it would be awkward. Couldn't help but notice some of their cart items before I turned the other way. I really really didn't want to see, but I did. Anyway, bottled water??? Cases of it??? When you owe people thousands(not just us, they borrowed from others- mail still comes to the apartment we own)??? Is it possible to be that clueless about finances that you would spend on water?


Maybe she has a home-based business and sells the water at a markup?

Just trying to help with the DLK"Z.
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amother
Amethyst


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:51 am
farm wrote:
Disagree. Every little bit adds up. The $5 you might spend on 2 cases of water at Costco could be saved. Plus the whole attitude of once you're in debt, $5 won't make a difference leads to more and more debt and poor choices.
I guess that yes, they are that clueless. Or maybe someone asked them to pick up water from Costco as a favor, and it wasn't for them.


I agree with you! but was trying to help her be dan and understand that ones mindset someone that is able to owe thousands of dollars in rent doestn think $5 adds up.....
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amother
Lilac


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 10:58 am
Maybe she or one of the kids can't tolerate tap water and this is the cheapest place she can get bottled water. I personally can't stand tap water. I gag from it.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 11:26 am
Maybe she is shopping for someone else

Thats what I do for a living sometimes..

And I also owe back rent to a former landlord
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amother
Slateblue


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 11:28 am
I don't have a costco membership. Every so often, my relative makes a large purchase for me. This might be a similar favor.
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ShabbosBaby




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 11:41 am
My approach of being Dan is not trying to come up with a story, it's just knowing that you don't know. Because Hashem is much more creative than our brains can think.
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OutATowner




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 11:47 am
I like what ShabbosBaby said.
Also, in the past year I can think of three times where people picked up cases of water for our shul- Hebrew school open house, women's event, and lag bomer bbq. Whoever has membership usually picks things up.
I admire your patience and perspective OP.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 11:55 am
I don't blame you for being upset if they owe you back rent. However, I'm surprised you feel you kind of caught them doing something that you feel demonstrates that they really have some money. If you say they went to israel on vacation, I hear you. If you say you saw them renovating or buyimg a fancy car, again, I hear you. But your "gotcha" is that they bought.....water bottles? Maybe I'm spoiled, but everyone is entitled to water bottles. Do the yeshivas ask that on the tuition aid application? Do they ask if the family buys water bottles?
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 12:13 pm
I don't know where you live. In Lakewood bottled water is not a luxury it's a necessity. The sink water tastes awful and besides bottled water isn't really much more expensive than tap water. If you're going to judge someone at least find something to judge them about.......(which you shouldn't do anyhow) Another thing is, if people don't have much money they still have to live. The most important thing they're going to spend money on is food. We're in such a situation now and it's really hard. Baruch HaShem our future looks bright. How do you know what they're going through? Iyh you should never know what it's like to owe people money and they should be able to pay you back everything they owe really soon.
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water_bear88




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 12:18 pm
Maybe she was restocking their emergency supply? We drink tap water but keep a few liters per person in case of emergencies.
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amother
Maroon


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 12:25 pm
she most likely has food stamps which is paying for her water but cant be used to pay you the back rent she owes you.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 12:38 pm
Im editing my post because after reading others posts I realize that my thought process might be wrong. It is true that I don't know how to conserve and save money.
Please don't judge though.you don't know what's going on behind closed doors.
I hope you get paid back soon.
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notshanarishona




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 1:26 pm
First of all, maybe as someone said she bought them on food stamps. Second thought, she is giving them in her kids lunches instead of juice boxes or other more expensive drink. Third, maybe buying for a friend. And good for u for trying to judge them favorably.
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LittleDucky




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 2:05 pm
amother wrote:
I don't know where you live. In Lakewood bottled water is not a luxury it's a necessity. The sink water tastes awful and besides bottled water isn't really much more expensive than tap water. If you're going to judge someone at least find something to judge them about.......(which you shouldn't do anyhow) Another thing is, if people don't have much money they still have to live. The most important thing they're going to spend money on is food. We're in such a situation now and it's really hard. Baruch HaShem our future looks bright. How do you know what they're going through? Iyh you should never know what it's like to owe people money and they should be able to pay you back everything they owe really soon.


OP, it is so hard to be DLZ when someone owes you and others so much money and they seem to waste it. I assume you would rather the $5 a month as it is better than nothing...Good for you to try!!

I had to comment on this poster though. Bottled water is a luxury, especially for someone renting where water is FREE to the renter...
And it is not just about the same amount as tap- it is a lot more when you add it up and when someone is in debt they need to be careful with every dollar as after 120 they will need to account for owing lots of debts. (Obviously if there was no choice to pay it back it would be different but that is up to Hashem to figure out...). Yes they need to live but luxuries and spending more than they make is likely what got them into debt in the first place.
Don't like the water? A Brita filter is cheaper than constantly buying water. Filters last a long time and can cost about $5 each for a few month's water.

If they got it from FS then they should use that credit for real food as if they owe that much money they likely aren't eating too healthily either...
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amother
Purple


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 2:15 pm
[quote="LittleDucky"]OP, it is so hard to be DLZ when someone owes you and others so much money and they seem to waste it. I assume you would rather the $5 a month as it is better than nothing...Good for you to try!!

I had to comment on this poster though. Bottled water is a luxury, especially for someone renting where water is FREE to the renter...
And it is not just about the same amount as tap- it is a lot more when you add it up and when someone is in debt they need to be careful with every dollar as after 120 they will need to account for owing lots of debts. (Obviously if there was no choice to pay it back it would be different but that is up to Hashem to figure out...). Yes they need to live but luxuries and spending more than they make is likely what got them into debt in the first place.
Don't like the water? A Brita filter is cheaper than constantly buying water. Filters last a long time and can cost about $5 each for a few month's water.

If they got it from FS then they should use that credit for real food as if they owe that much money they likely aren't eating too healthily either...[/quote

You don't have to agree with me but you really don't know people's situation. I would hardly drink if not for bottled water. I need a lot of water to get through a day (much much more than the average person) and I drink full bottles at a time. It just wouldn't happen if I had to fill up one cup at a time. Second of all, water is not free in all rentals! In Lakewood most rentals pay their own utilities.

It's very difficult to be on both sides but we definitely shouldn't judge.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Mon, May 29 2017, 2:17 pm
LittleDucky wrote:
OP, it is so hard to be DLZ when someone owes you and others so much money and they seem to waste it. I assume you would rather the $5 a month as it is better than nothing...Good for you to try!!

I had to comment on this poster though. Bottled water is a luxury, especially for someone renting where water is FREE to the renter...
And it is not just about the same amount as tap- it is a lot more when you add it up and when someone is in debt they need to be careful with every dollar as after 120 they will need to account for owing lots of debts. (Obviously if there was no choice to pay it back it would be different but that is up to Hashem to figure out...). Yes they need to live but luxuries and spending more than they make is likely what got them into debt in the first place.
Don't like the water? A Brita filter is cheaper than constantly buying water. Filters last a long time and can cost about $5 each for a few month's water.

If they got it from FS then they should use that credit for real food as if they owe that much money they likely aren't eating too healthily either...



I feel it still comes down to the amount we are talking about. A case of 24 water bottles at costco is around $3.99. There's no way for us to know how long the family makes it last, but $3.99 is to little of an amount to analyze how they should be spending it.
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