Is moving a realistic answer to DS's plight?

amother

Magenta

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 12:00 am

My DS, age 10, has one frum friend in our neighborhood. There are a few kids older than DS and a "former frum" friend who is now allowed to use iPad, etc on Shabbos. And my DS has one non Jewish friend his age. That is it.

My DS is quirky and loud and sometimes impulsive. I think this is why some of the older kids in our neighborhood don't let him hang out with them. They are only a few years older if that but they have their own group.

My DS lamented tonight after playing with his one frum friend for several hours today that he wants to move. He got in a fight with his friend and of course, to him, all is lost.

On the one hand, kids will be kids and they will get in fights and will have to work it out. There is value in that process. On the other hand, my DS really doesn't have a lot of good frum friends. I wish he had more. I wish there was more of a support system for us. It's a tiny community where we are. Even us adults get lonely.

FranticFrummie

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 4:00 am

OP, I totally hear you. You described DD's experience down to the last detail.

A few questions. Do you like your shul? How is his school? Do you have other kids in that school? What does DH think, would he move?

Personally, my experience turned into absolute disaster. (Read my most recent posts.) Looking back, I would have moved if there was anything affordable on the other end of the eruv, but housing was super tight. It was impossible. We ended up making Aliyah, but it was too late for us.

DD is no longer frum. She moved back to the US. She's in public school, and is really happy now. She has a lot of friends her age, and after school clubs. None of her friends are Jewish, and she doesn't even identify as Jewish anymore. She just says "My mom raised me Jewish, but I'm 13 and made my own choice."

I can't tell you what to do, except to daven your heart out for wisdom, clarity, and that your answers should be easily revealed. Beg Hashem to guide your son.

You have my total sympathy. Hug

amother

Magenta

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 10:29 am

FF, I am sorry that you are missing your daughter. Life is so hard! One day, G-d willing, your daughter will come back.

We aren't really attached too much to our community. It doesn't do much for us. We've been here about 5 years. We don't really have a "home" as in a central place where both of us are from. My DH has a few close friends here but we don't have a lot. We don't have relatives near us (they aren't Jewish). And the schools we are very unhappy with.

So, you might ask, what is keeping us here? Well, I'm just worried that if we move it will be more of the same. And that the problem we're trying to remedy is the wrong problem to remedy.

amother

Apricot

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 10:46 am

personally it sounds like you need a two prong "attack" figure out how to help your son with his social skills AND move.
We moved in part because the school wasn't working for a dd. After we moved we also sent her to occupational therapy to help address certain issues. B"H she's now in a good place, I think she needed both.

amother

Magenta

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 9:00 pm

amother wrote:

Maybe.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Jun 18 2017, 12:22 am

OP here. Reviving this thread just because another Shabbos went by and another lament by my DS (and DD this time too).

So the thing is, if we moved, it would still be OOT.

Really, where is there a community that is nice and OOT and large enough that there are plenty of kids for my DS to play with? I'm assuming if there are lots of kids then the school(s) must not be half bad.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Jun 18 2017, 6:01 am

I definitely think you should move, if that is a possibility with jobs and finances. There are many threads on here re communities in the USA. eg if you are thinking about moving to say, Dallas, search for Dallas and see what people have to say about it.

imasinger

Sun, Jun 18 2017, 6:08 am

I think you should do some good research, complete with travel.

Not every community with a lot of kids is going to have the right school for yours. Sometimes, a smaller community has an outstanding fit. Other times, a larger one can offer ten choices, none of which is for you, and all of which are overly competitive to get into, whether academically, socially, or hashkafically.

If you brainstorm the top 6 things you are looking for in a school and community, and start a new thread, people can post suggestions for you to consider. You can follow up with further research and IRL visits.