Is this rude? | Imamother

amother

Smokey

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 7:10 am

A young family moved on our block a few weeks ago. In our neighborhood (5towns) there is a big hoopla about inviting families on shabbos. Many families love hosting or going out almost every week. I'm kind of indifferent, but my husband hates it. He's can be very personable and can carry a good conversation but he would simply rather be home with our family. Anyway, in an effort to be nice, I would like to invite the new family over for a shabbos meal. My husband agrees with this. However, he is telling me that when we invite them, I should tell them in as friendly a way as possible, that they should not invite us back because we don't like going out. I think it's very weird. Is this acceptable?

mommy3b2c

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 7:19 am

Yes it's weird to tell people not to invite you back. If they do invite you, you can politely decline and let them know that your husband does not enjoy going out so you rarely accept invitations.

seeker

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 7:24 am

I agree with mommy3b2c, don't say anything preemptively but wait and see if they invite you back and then say that you don't usually go out, but would love to have them over again.

crust

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 7:30 am

I never knew there's such a costum!! I am moving to the 5towns. You can invite me for Shabbos and I promise I will never invite you back!! LOL

I'm just joking. I really admire this. Keep it up!

amother

Wine

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 7:44 am

I agree that you should just bring it up if they invite you back. Btw, I've been living in the 5 towns for 5 years and have not gotten a single invite in all that time. And nobody's accepted my invites either. I feel like I'm living permanently in middle school.

crust

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 7:53 am

amother wrote:

Ouch!!
Forget it then. I cancelled the movers.

Raisin

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 10:12 am

I think it is fine to say that your husband likes eating home on shabbos. Maybe suggest getting together shabbos afternoon if you want to become better friends with the mother.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 10:25 am

amother wrote:

We'd love to have you over if you'd like to come!

amother

Smokey

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 10:28 am

amother wrote:

Sorry to hear that. I live in cedarhurst. Lots of couples in their 30's that daven in the same area where there are a few shuls. What part of the 5towns do you live in?

amother

Olive

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 12:46 pm

amother wrote:

I think you should have a talk with your Rov or Rebbitzen. Perhaps there are others that feel just as you do and maybe the Rov can call attention to this.

zaq

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 4:33 pm

Your dh response may not qualify as outright rude so much as off-putting. But in the off-putting class, it's a champ.

tichellady

Fri, Jun 02 2017, 4:37 pm

It's weird to say that . If someone said that to me I would regret agreeing to come. I actually do think it's rude not to ever eat out. Part of making friends is the give and take of being a host versus being a guest.

FranticFrummie

Sat, Jun 03 2017, 4:10 pm

I have friends, who are very frum and won't eat by anyone else. I have other friends who won't go to anyone because of food allergies. Both families LOVE having guests over, and always have a full table, with extra just in case anyone drops by.

They simply explain that they can't because of allergies, or because they are already entertaining. Nobody thinks they are horrible people. Quite the opposite!