Wondering what helped your very difficult child change

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Burgundy

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 3:26 pm

Hi I have a very challenging 10 year old daughter. I have tried many things with her. For example, parenting classes and parenting sessions. She has been to art therapy and DIR floor time therapy. She has a lovely mentor...
She is still very difficult.
What has helped your difficult child change?

crust

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 3:29 pm

amother wrote:

What has helped your difficult child change?

Patience.
Meds.

amother

Tan

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 3:36 pm

Time

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 3:50 pm

Medication and excellent parenting.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 3:55 pm

Hi I am looking for non medication solutions.
Please elaborate a bit more. I hope that my child will not struggle her whole life.

Chayalle

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 3:57 pm

OT but could you elaborate on DIR floortime therapy? I'm looking into whether that would benefit my somewhat challenging 9 year old DD. Did it help? If so, what did it help?

amother

Indigo

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 5:13 pm

Psychotherapy with a top psychologist who also specializes in parent management training.

amother

Khaki

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 5:34 pm

amother wrote:

Does she have a diagnosis that would make her more difficult than other kids? If not, then why do you find her to be more difficult than the average 10 year old?

amother

Blue

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 5:50 pm

Working on our shalom bayis

amother

Amber

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 6:04 pm

meds. and therapy

amother

Rose

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 6:11 pm

I have a very difficult child as well. He's a teenager and he struggles with many aspects of life. I think my husband and I are realistic that while we try to help him reach his potential and maximize his abilities, in reality he will likely always struggle and never be a "regular" kid. Unfortunately not every problem is fixable. Op, you didn't describe what specifically the issues were. Perhaps your situation is different. Can you say what the struggles are?

DVOM

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 6:38 pm

DIR/Floortime and Occupational therapy changed my son's life. He's almost 9. He's flexible, empathic, popular, intuitive-- a small miracle. My fair warning about Floortime therapy is that in order for it to be most effective, it needs to be really immersive. We started Floortime when my son was 2. For many years he had 10-30 hours of Floortime therapy a week, some of this provided in a public school classroom which ran on a Floortime model. My husband and I attended many many hours of Floortime therapy with our son and did daily 45 min Floortime play sessions at home to carry over the skills. I took two years off of work to participate in my son's school therapies, going with him to school most days. This therapy (and others) eats up many thousands of dollars a year and is the main reason why our budget is so tight. It was all worth it though. At this point, Floortime style interactions are built into our family life, and we all see the rewards of the work we did and do.

amother

Ruby

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 6:51 pm

amother wrote:

Hi I am looking for non medication solutions.
Please elaborate a bit more. I hope that my child will not struggle her whole life.

We did a lot of different therapies and approaches and the challenges persisted until we started my child on meds. He really was unable to implement any of the therapeutic techniques until his brain was calmed neurochemically. Once his brain was able to stay regulated he was able to change all of his behaviors using the techniques we had tried to instill over many years of therapy. Without the meds I don't believe he would be the same delightful child he is today.
Are you opposed to medication?

imasinger

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 7:24 pm

Parenting classes are another huge game changer.

amother

Hotpink

Tue, Jun 06 2017, 9:32 pm

A game changer for my DD was group psychotherapy with a non frum group (the therapist ordered pizza for the group). She felt understood for the first time in her life, by peers, and met others like her.

S-HappyMama

Wed, Jun 07 2017, 1:19 am

Learning how I can set clear boundaries - and stick to them kindly and very firmly. I learned this through an understanding of codependent tendencies, through 12 steps and horseback riding.
I also provided my children with horseback riding lessons, so they could learn firsthand about sticking to boundaries.

myym

Wed, Jun 07 2017, 10:15 am

I'm sorry you don't want to hear it, but sometimes meds are the answer. It was a huge game changer for us and for my daughter BH.

amother

Coral

Wed, Jun 07 2017, 12:08 pm

Aside for just getting older and maturing a bit, diet changes helped my DS.

Look into the Feingold diet. I don't follow it, but we did eliminate many "problem" foods and it has made huge differences in his behavior

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Jun 07 2017, 12:15 pm

I second parenting skills - never believed it could make such a difference
dh and I went to a coach and slowly started implementing - it makes a big difference

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Jun 07 2017, 4:43 pm

I was a difficult kid. Here's what helped me be 'normal':

-My parents each went to therapy separately to work on their own problems and get professional guidance on dealing with me
- I went to therapy (with a psychologist)
- Medication - I was only on it for a few years, and going to therapy to learn coping skills and tools etc allowed me to go off of it and not need it. I know you say you don't want medication. But you also say that you don't want her to struggle her whole life. I hate to break it to you, but some children will struggle their whole lives if they don't have medication. I didn't start medication until I was 11 and it was a big mistake to wait that long - I could have stopped suffering and struggling so much sooner. The most important thing is to not use medication alone without therapy. - together, they can help change your child, and the medication doesn't have to be forever. Don't let your child suffer just because you are against medication (and if your kid can't take medication for medical reasons, then obviously this doesn't apply).

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