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4 year old not speaking in school
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Tue, Jun 06 2017, 9:35 pm
My 4 year old is a VERY stubborn boy. This is his second year at school (when he was three, he was in a different school) and the second year that he's not speaking to the kids or to the teachers at school. This year, he had a speech therapist see him twice a week, but she couldn't help much because he's not speaking to her as well (only one time he answered one word) although he does seem to trust and like her now. He really needs counseling, but the CPSE agency hasn't been consistent and I have to make sure that he gets it every week when he's going to kindergarten. So now I'm worried because I know that in kindergarten he'll have to speak already, but I'm not sure what else to do. At home, he speaks to all of us... he can be loud, he's the total opposite than at school. At his school, the kids think that he just can't speak. Even when I speak to him when I pick him up at school, he doesn't want to answer me because it looks like he doesn't want to speak infront of the kids and teachers. Has anyone had something like this with your kid?? I can't force him to speak, but this is getting very irritating because I know that he can talk, although he might have anxiety of speaking at school or he's just stubborn.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Tue, Jun 06 2017, 9:55 pm
Please please please stop thinking that he us "stubborn", and get him evaluated.

Not sure if I should say this next bit.

Yep - get him evaluated for AUTISM.
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PAMOM




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 06 2017, 9:57 pm
This sounds like selective mutism. It's definitely treatable. Any psychologists or speech therapists want to chime in here?
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amother
Beige


 

Post Tue, Jun 06 2017, 10:39 pm
amother wrote:
Please please please stop thinking that he us "stubborn", and get him evaluated.

Not sure if I should say this next bit.

Yep - get him evaluated for AUTISM.


Oh come on! no reason to get hysterical.
I was that kid in KG and Pre1A. And yes, I was shy and stubborn. In those days there were no fancy diagnosis and no therapy. By first grade I was fine. One of my daughters were the same.
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capoccino




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 06 2017, 10:44 pm
Definitely sounds like he is selective mute. I have had a couple students like this. One eventually started talking in school the other didn't. The earlier he starts therapy the better.
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amother
Blonde


 

Post Tue, Jun 06 2017, 11:44 pm
Sounds like he has selective mutism- not autism.
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salt




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 1:55 am
Not autism.
Selective mute.
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life is fun




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 2:06 am
I work in a regular school and we had last year a pupil like this which I worked with and with Hashems help he started to speak. He was a Selective mute too. Another one is b"h starting to speak now.
It takes a lot of work and patience but they get there.
It's usually an anxiety he has for some reason.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 3:00 am
I'll chime in as an SLP. I had a few students like this in preschool and even one special needs high schooler who was a selective mute. B'H by the end of the year all my selective mute students were talking indpendently in their classrooms. When I have a student who can talk but won't, the last thing to do is try to force them or even coax them. Instead, I just play lots of non verbal interactive games so that they'd be comfortable with me and know they are getting a lot of one on one attention in a very non threatening environment. I'd never even request any speech of my students, but I gave them opportunities to communicate non-verbally, via other modalities, such as pictures, or writing, etc. Eventually my students started talking on their own during sessions because our time together was so non threatening. Then when they were comfortable talking regularly with me I'd then move our therapy sessions into the classroom, during a time that the class was doing a project or center time, etc. I'd do the activity with the student, again with with no Speech requirements. Eventually, the students began speaking to me during these activities and eventually to his peers and teachers. And then by the end of the year this carried over to speaking in the classroom without me being there.

I'm not sure if this helped you or not as a mother, but I really think it's important for teachers to know that with a selective mute student there should be zero pressure. No cajoling, coaxing, bribing. That just makes it worse. These students should never be callled on to speak and never asked questions that require a verbal response. If they can be engaged in non verbal interactions that would be great (such as asking the student to place the appropriate weather card on today's date on the calendar, etc). Eventually, in a very very low pressured environment, these students will hopefully open up.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 5:19 am
There are such kids who "don't want to talk" to people who aren't close family. It generally passes after K. Nowadays indeed you're labeled for life.
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Iymnok




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 5:37 am
DD's best friend has selective mutism. She whispers to DD if she wants to tell me anything. She is comfortable around me and let me know that she thinks it's funny that she wont talk to me. I'm only her friend's mom, so it doesn't bother me. It's not uncommon, but these kids do eventually end up talking when they need to (usually with therapy etc.), but remain shy.
Have you asked him why he doesn't talk? Children often have the most interesting answers.
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Ruchel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 5:42 am
Moyshele didn't speak to the mora for more than a year, he spoke to very select classmates, a bit. At home he was making loooong, perfectly structured sentences, as in "people in the street stop you to tell you your child is gifted/will skip a grade". Nowadays he speaks (too much Wink ) in class.

My husband was the same, took longer to speak in class, now bh he gives shiurim and works in literally ALL kinds of milieux in multiple languages.

In NY probably most kids I know walked too late, talked too late...
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 7:36 am
amother wrote:
Please please please stop thinking that he us "stubborn", and get him evaluated.

Not sure if I should say this next bit.

Yep - get him evaluated for AUTISM.


OP here:
He was evaluated twice!!! And I'm not the only one who said he's stubborn, the therapist also said it. He knows a lot and understands a lot, he just doesn't want to speak. But he speaks non verbally with his eyes/head/hands to the teachers and they understand him.

Forgot to mention on my post that after his evaluation, the psychologist told me she thinks he has selective mutism.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 8:53 am
amother wrote:
When I have a student who can talk but won't, the last thing to do is try to force them or even coax them. Instead, I just play lots of non verbal interactive games so that they'd be comfortable with me and know they are getting a lot of one on one attention in a very non threatening environment. I'd never even request any speech of my students, but I gave them opportunities to communicate non-verbally, via other modalities, such as pictures, or writing, etc. Eventually my students started talking on their own during sessions because our time together was so non threatening. Then when they were comfortable talking regularly with me I'd then move our therapy sessions into the classroom, during a time that the class was doing a project or center time, etc. I'd do the activity with the student, again with with no Speech requirements. Eventually, the students began speaking to me during these activities and eventually to his peers and teachers. And then by the end of the year this carried over to speaking in the classroom without me being there.


OP here:
Thanks for your input. My son's speech therapist hasn't really taken him out of the class for private sessions. She asked him a few times, but he didn't want to leave, so she's not forcing him. So basically, she's been also playing with him games and also added a child or two in the class to join the games with him. I think that maybe if he wouldn't be in class, he'd speak to her eventually, but I understand that she doesn't want to force him to leave class with her. I have to ask the counselor if she tried taking him out of the class because she's fairly new with him (upset that he hasn't received counseling for awhile!). I'm just hoping that he'll slowly let go of his anxiety or stubbornness and start speaking (at least to the teachers). During naptime, the teacher told me that one time he heard him whispering to a girl! She was with him also last year in another school so they know each other. I asked him many times if he'd like playdates, but he wasn't interested. His sibling has playdates, so I think now he's finally showing some interest. At the playground, he doesn't play with kids he doesn't know. However, one day he did see two kids from his school and they were running together..It does seem like he's having fun with them, but he's not really communicating with friends verbally. When he speaks at home (he's a multilingual), I understand him. But I do think that he needs more work with clarity so once he starts talking at school (I hope!) he needs speech therapy to work on his clarity.
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amother
Magenta


 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 9:34 am
SLP here again. I'm not surprised you mentioned that he's multilingual, that makes selective mutism more common. Based on what you've said he sound alike he'll be alright in the classroom eventually, provided his teachers don't turn him off further by pressuring. He definitely does not sound autistic. The articulation unfortunately can not be treated at this time, but you never know, by the time he starts speaking in class some of the unclarity might have gone away on its own. Or not, and then you'll have it treated when he's ready to communicate verbally with strangers.
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amother
Chocolate


 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 11:46 am
amother wrote:
OP here:
He was evaluated twice!!!.....

Forgot to mention on my post that after his evaluation, the psychologist told me she thinks he has selective mutism.


Ok I'm glad about this. My main point was of you labelling him as stubborn, as this sounded a little as if you were being "judgmental" of him. In the words of Miriam Adahan, I wanted you to take the "davka" out of how you viewed him. I felt bad for the little guy.

The autism comment, which I nearly didn't make, was based on knowing that (a) he wasn't speaking even though he could
(b) you called him 'stubborn'., which is another word for rigidity, also a characteristic of autism.

But I am so glad to hear that those who have seen him in the flesh think otherwise.
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nechamashifra




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jun 07 2017, 1:11 pm
If he's not speaking in school, why not just keep him home? He's 4.
Unless you think he's enjoying school even though he doesn't want to speak...
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ZIVA




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jun 08 2017, 8:04 pm
I know this is already an "old" topic, but just saw this, I had the exact same problem with my child! at first I decided to ignore it as he was otherwise healthy and doing well and speaking a lot at home, but a few things changed my mind, 1 his teachers were convinced there was something wrong with him and I his besotted mother was in total denial and

2 he became more and more talkative at home, as he was so silent all day in school, I didnt get a minutes peace

I tried begging bribery and corruption I promised him the moon and back,,, nothing helped, I knew I had to crack it fast as the older he got, or the longer it took, the harder it would be for him to change,

so finally I took videos of him chatting singing, learning at home and brought it in to school for his teachers and classmates to watch,

I have to say just as the teacher was about to press " play" I caught sight of his face, and my stomache dropped, he looked embarrassed and nervous, but it was too late, in the event his classmates loved it, they all had a good giggle as did the teacher, and he never looked back bH

I later mentioned this to a neighbour of mine who happens to be a licened therapist and she told me it was a great idea.

by the way a classmate of one of my other children got stuck in this no talking trap till he finished school at 16 so its best to sort this out quickly , but I think the key is not to make a big deal of it

ps my son is now 22 doing really well bH and yes talks to everyone


best of luck
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amother
Azure


 

Post Thu, Jun 08 2017, 9:19 pm
As someone who would probably have been labeled "selective mute" if the label existed back then, here is my input:
There is underlying anxiety most probably preventing him from speaking.
I agree with those who say not to pressure or make too big of a deal. Show him love and affection especially around this issue. He needs to feel safe. Perhaps tell him that he'll talk when he is ready. That shows u believe in him but r not pressuring him.
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amother
Jetblack


 

Post Thu, Jun 08 2017, 9:23 pm
OP here:

To the above poster...

I actually did show the teachers videos of my son talking/singing at home. I think it would be too much and he would most definitely not like it (he doesn't like to be the center of attention) if the teacher shows it at class. I hope he won't stay like this until he's older, but I can't force.
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