How can I make shabbos more enjoyable?

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Jun 08 2017, 3:45 am

I don't enjoy shabbos and my kids are probably feeling that from me and they also seem as if they wait for it to end. One of the main reasons I have a hard time with it is because my children seem very bored and restless. I don't feel that I can sit with them for long periods and have a hard time keeping them occupied. Sometimes I just want to sleep the day away, but then of course I feel bad about it when shabbos ends.

What do others do with young children, no porch or garden, not enough toys (?) and many long hours?

amother

Copper

Thu, Jun 08 2017, 7:39 am

Ugh, I have the same problem. It's really just an issue in the summer when the afternoons are so long. But there is nothing I can do but tear my hair out. We have no friends. No parks within two miles. The "special Shabbos toys/games" simply does not provide 8 hours of entertainment. Sometimes I end up putting my younger kids to bed an hour early just to get them out of the way. Can't do that with my 6 year old anymore but once the younger siblings are in bed, he's usually happy to read or build stuff without worrying about anyone knocking it down.

yOungM0mmy

Thu, Jun 08 2017, 7:55 am

I find shabbos (and really much of yiddishkeit) is about what you make of it and how you market it to your kids. Shabbos is the only day of the week that my kids get dessert - I always have something for them to look forward to. It's also the only day I actually play games with my kids. Usually my husband and I go for a rest - with our door open - and the kids wreak havoc, but they know that if there's no fighting, there's a shabbos party afterwards - my husband and I take turns doing it alternate weeks. I also bought a few games for shabbos, some they can play on their own, eg chess and battleship, and some that I play with them. No, I'm not always in the mood, but it focuses them and changes the atmosphere in the house. I do have rules tho -I wont play anything 'boring' ie that takes a long time with ages in between turns eg monopoly (we dont play that on shabbos anyway), and not usually something I have to move far from the couch for Wink

some of our favourites are mancala, articulate for kids, 5 second rule, top trumps, uno...and all pretty cheap - definitely a worthwhile investment, and the time and energy is a worthwhile investment in your children's future love of shabbos and yiddishkeit.

amother

Firebrick

Thu, Jun 08 2017, 8:58 am

shabbos with little kids can be really tough!

do you not have/or hold by the eruv? bc that could be why it is so not enjoyable.

even though as you said, I want to sleep the day away, my dh and I try really hard to make shabbos really exciting- shabbos cereal, shabbos soda, shabbos party, we both try to play games with them at different times like uno, sequence, lego, all the stuff we dont have time for during the week...
each kid gets a turn each week to choose something special to either buy (or bake together if we have time..)

also playdates! are you friendly with your neighbors? what about kids in the class?
change of scenery on long days are a must!

PinkFridge

Thu, Jun 08 2017, 7:47 pm

OP, and others, let me give you a glimpse of the future. An adult daughter of mine told me that she had very pleasant feelings for Shabbos, and I said, really?? How gratifying! But it's not like I was making Shabbos by chatzos and we all got to go to the nursing home, or the park, or twiddle our thumbs looking at the shining chandelier every week. But she remembers that the atmosphere of erev Shabbos was calm (ish), the various treats (licht bensching, dessert, Shabbos cereal, morning treat while I davened, dessert, Shabbos party; and don't worry about sugar overload, servings were reasonable and not all treats have to be sugar), books and toys (garage sale stash I saved for summer Shabbosos, a library that lent toys when the older ones were young), my being available to walk to Bnos, friends, and playgrounds (which my meant my husband's willingness to stay home with the babies since we didn't use the eruv)...all the kind of stuff that this thread is coming up with.

Iy"H may we all succeed in this important goal.

amother

Navy

Thu, Jun 08 2017, 8:30 pm

I think about this topic a lot.
I hated Shabbos and the yomim Tovim as a kid/teen because my mother was stressed and yelled a lot, I had to help loads to prepare and had to constantly help with the cleaning up. By the time I was around ten I was breaking shabbos in my bedroom and that continued for many years.

Now I am a mother of 4 young children and am determined to give them the opposite experience so that they associate Shabbos & YT with pleasure.

1) I make sure I get my cooking and cleaning out of the way as early as possible so that there's never (or very rarely) pre Shabbos yelling.

2) I will expect my kids to complete a couple of chores to help out as they age but will not expect them to bear the brunt as I did.

3) I plan treats for the kids. We don't eat candy but I'll buy ice cream or bake a cake which is something we rarely have mid week. They get a special Shabbos cereal. Challa is also a big treat around here so they all look forward to that.

4) For YT, I always involve the kids with the "fun stuff" like decorating the sukkah, picking out the new fruits, buying new outfits.

5) My husband and I take this time to look at all the school projects, parsha sheets, newsletters etc. Whenever the kids bring something home it goes straight to the dining room and they know they'll have time to talk it over with us on Shabbos.

6) When my kids want me to read an especially long book or play certain games I tell them we will do it on Shabbos because we have much more time and no pressure to run errands or go to school or work.

7) I have a bag of small toys and cheap fun items that I hide and bring out on Shabbos/sick days/snow days.

While these suggestions may help your kids have a more pleasant Shabbos, they might not help YOU have a restful Shabbos. I found the most helpful thing was adjusting my expectations of the day. I don't get to sleep in or nap like I did in my single days but I know that one day my kids will grow up and that will be a reality again.
And when they are playing happily I take the opportunity to sit on the couch and read. Sometimes my husband and I take turns with the childcare so the other can take an hour or two break. You need to find a rhythm that works for your family.

PinkFridge

Fri, Jun 09 2017, 9:07 am

amother wrote:

Liking this post was not enough!
By the way, I am so impressed with how positive and constructive this thread is. I will be the last person to invalidate negative feelings some people may have but I'm glad this thread isn't the home for them.